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I think about it all the time when I am triggered. I also think it is about wanting to reinvent myself. I am more afraid of hating my decision when I am not triggered and having to live with it so I haven't done it...yet!

@ellienad thanks for your thoughts. After reading this thread I emailed my therapist and told him how I felt. He called me and apologized and set up a time to call me again. I am very relieved!!! I guess it is hard to expect him to be responsive if I an too afraid to open up about how I am...

I am so grateful to see this post. I am really struggling this week with my therapist out of town. I feel like such a baby that it has been so difficult for me. I totally get the abandonment panic. I am a little worried though because I feel like I had to numb myself out to get through this...

Wow I am so impressed you wrote this all out. Much of it relates to me and I need to get angry about it but haven't allowed myself...,yet. I am getting there though. I feel like I could use some of the energy behind to propel myself even further. It makes me insanely frustrated though to feel...

Great job! Speaking up is a difficult thing for me...even when I know it is okay and I know the other person will respond with kindness. I admire that you did that!!!!

Yep...the dentist is a trigger for me. I think it is the combo of the the lack of control...lying back...feeling like I can't breath...having someone so close to my face feels smothering. I once read that the dentist was a common trigger for people who have had trauma. I finally told my dentist...

I have the same issue. As soon as I get still and try to shut down and relax I feel intrusive thoughts nagging at me. I would like for there to be times when I can just get some down time. If I am not always directing my mind it wanders into difficult places but it is exhausting to be in such...

After months of working with my therapist he brought up that we had never even shaken hands. We ended up talking about boundaries, hugs and transference. It was a difficult and kind of embarrassing conversation for me but it has been so worth it. It has been an interesting process dealing...

I don't have great answers for you because I could have written the question! I do this as well. I have started taking Lunesta at night and it does help me fall asleep faster and it seems to happen less. It also happens to me during the day if it is on a weekend or I happen to have the day...

I tried treating my therapy like a buffet because I wanted to deal with my second trauma but not the early abuse...so I was like I will talk a little about this and a little about that. I did it mostly out of fear. I found that my heart and brain had other ideas anyway and that skipping around...

I never thought I would be able to talk to a male therapist about my csa and rape. I also thought that I would need a female therapist since my mother was mentally ill and I had a childhood filled with neglect. However I ended up with a male therapist and he is so amazing. I feel so lucky...

I am right there with you. It took me forever it seems like to even let my therapist in on how much I struggle and I don't think even now I have fully dropped the pretense. I have just been doing it way too long...but I am really exhausted and tired of it! It is so helpful though to read these...

I had the exact same thing happen a couple of weeks ago. Luckily I was his last patient because it took me a while to "snap out of it". I think it happened there because i have finally started feeling safe enough to express myself. It wasn't a pleasant experience but we worked through it and the...

Sundays are my hardest days as well. I was just thinking this morning that maybe because it feels soooo long til my next session....which leaves me feeling so pathetic. I mean seriously I can't make it a whole week right now without seeing my therapist? I am going twice a week. I am also not as...

I did the same exact thing! Going back for the next visit after I knew he had read the journal was very difficult but very validating and sooo worth it. The time between giving him the journal and then waiting to see what he had to say about it was excruciating though. It definitely was the...