Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
I'm trying. It's a thing we discuss constantly. I feel them well up and I shove them back down and she calls me on it every time. I still can't get past the fear and feeling like shit about myself for showing that weakness.
I'm very hypervigilant. I won't even sit in the waiting room, I stand with my back to the wall in a corner and wait. I feel like a freak.
I'm so reactive to any perceived danger.
I'm a lesbian, I'm terrified of males. My T is hetero married with kids. I chose her purposely and transference still happened.
But it's not about what is true. I get that. I trust no men. I won't even give them a chance. Are there good men, sure. I'm not willing to find out which ones are.
I have a hard time crying. It feels like weakness. I hate it, it makes me hate myself, and makes me hate whoever helped illicit it or facilitated it.
My T says it's normal and necessary. I can't seem to get there.
Crying terrifies me and my T sees it as a victory of sorts. It causes a lot of...
My first T told me that therapy had to be as difficult as I needed it to be. I didn't understand that. But I've never gotten anything the easy way. Therapy is no different. I fight it every step with avoidance and anger. 2 steps forward, 1 step back.