When U R About To Cry...

[Tirednsleepy]

Last session i was very upset about something outside of therapy and on the verge of crying.
I tried to keep it together and everytime i looked up at T ; he was staring right at me....and he had this sad look on his face...he wouldnt look away...he just kept his focus on me...110%.

It was horrifying !!!!!!!!

It was so uncomfortable.
I was hoping he would jot some notes and look away.
It was so odd that he took me so seriously and i wish he didnt. He made space for my sadness n tears... it all felt so wrong.
It was scary.
It was very new, as in i didnt know the outcome. What if i cried, what will happen next. Will something bad happen. I would b very embarassed for sure.

I dont want to cry in therapy.
I cry alone , always.

What has ur experience been crying in therapy.
How has it helped? Or not helped.

 

[Muted]

I usually feel better, but when I have to go somewhere afterwards I hate it cuz it feels really vulnerable. I avoid it especially if stuff is really built up. I'm also kind of scared when I'm on overload, because I can end up with a part that takes over and that scares me.

Last session i was very upset about something outside of therapy and on the verge of crying.
I tried to keep it...

I also don't like being stared at when I'm crying, but I'm afraid to be alone when I cry.

 

[watundah]

Since I don't cry in real life, crying in therapy is mortifying. T assures me it is ok to cry and my eyes will well up but it is a lot of vulnerability to show myself feeling that depth of sadness.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Last session i was very upset about something outside of therapy and on the verge of crying.
I tried to keep it...

I used to be in situations with predators that did that, just stare me down, stare right at me, while trying to figure out what goes on in my mind. To me that is the predator stare.
However it can also be confused because when I first got PTSD I falsely assumed that real help was predation. Of course now I have learned a lot and I am very happy that my brain is beginning to understand what really happened.
I will not listen to the predators, they all seem to have the same nonsense at hand. It is amazing how undeterred predators are despite the fact they know that they are not wanted.
My life was saved by someone who knew how dangerous these people really are. I sure as hell did not know that.

 

[Naoru]

Wish I could cry. (or do I?)
Wish I could cry in therapy.
Doubt it will ever happen, but I think it could be beneficial. Would allow her the ability to support and guide me, ground me, provide empathy, all of the things I have not had. T would be the safest place.

But her compassionate stare is intense. Difficult enough to accept. I can relate.
Seeing her cry has helped though ... her vulnerability, validation, etc. Shows me it is okay, safe, and healthy, as well.

Do not know your t, but I am positive nothing bad would happen as a result. Maybe there is a cognitive distortion for that reasoning to address. You could also ask your t to look away; express your needs and concerns. All part of the deal.

Maybe it will happen when / if you need it. Acceptance.

 

[Eagle3]

Its pretty rare for me to cry around other people, even T. I always cry alone. Of course its something we're working on, and I almost cried in front of him a couple of sessions ago, but instead I just, as he put it, "leaked a little". There is a great pool of sobbing tears just waiting for the right conditions, but the best I can ever allow is a little silent tear-dripping. Only twice in about 2 years now have I ever really CRIED in session. Not something I want to repeat, but I know its good for me. I always feel better after crying, and after the embarrassment has passed. He's told me about all the times he's cried, and he's always really compassionate about the whole idea, but I still just can't let myself really cry without being prodded. I know it will happen in time, and everything will be ok. For both of us :-)

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I managed almost 3 years of therapy without crying. Seemed like it came from no where, but when I did, my therapist seemed to find a way to keep it going for quite a while. I think he wanted the emotion to come out. He didn't engineer it, but he did manage to keep it going for quite a while.

Since then it's happened a couple of times. Usually when I'm triggered in the session or something like that. I'm not embarrassed anymore. He doesn't make feel small or silly. Just reminds me that emotion is important and validates why I'm crying. I feel safe. Still try to hold back as much as possible though. I just don't fight it quite as hard as before.

 

[Frenzy3674]

Last session i was very upset about something outside of therapy and on the verge of crying.
I tried to keep it...

I have a hard time crying. It feels like weakness. I hate it, it makes me hate myself, and makes me hate whoever helped illicit it or facilitated it.
My T says it's normal and necessary. I can't seem to get there.
Crying terrifies me and my T sees it as a victory of sorts. It causes a lot of discussion lately.
I get it. I don't cry and I keep thinking that if I ever did, I'd never stop.

 

[NightSky]

This has been the theme of my sessions the last few times, and while I used to be proud of being stoic I'm now seeing my inability to feel is a very big barrier to the validation, empathy, and support I need. It can seem like a surface issue, but it's not. It speaks to a lot of your beliefs about vulnerability and strength and it will tell you what some wrong core beliefs you've adopted are if you really look hard at your inability to, or desire not to cry. I encourage you to really hash it out with your T.

 

[Frenzy3674]

This has been the theme of my sessions the last few times, and while I used to be proud of being stoic...

I'm trying. It's a thing we discuss constantly. I feel them well up and I shove them back down and she calls me on it every time. I still can't get past the fear and feeling like shit about myself for showing that weakness.

 

[ButterflyBean]

How does she "call you out on it?" Does she do anything specific to facilitate the tears? I'm just curious because I am in the exact same spot; I really, actually do need to cry, but I can't. I actually want to cry, and have for a long time, but still can't despite constant reassurance. It's kind of discouraging, to be honest, but at least know you're not alone!