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Well I moved back home because the group home was terrible, too expensive and my dad just didn't have the money anymore. It was stupid and irrational for me to stay there as long as I did, but I wasn't thinking very rationally having to live in that place. Safety . . . Safety . . . The only...

I don't know why I'm getting worse, but I definitely am. I live back with my parents, who were very involved with my trauma (terrifying forced hospitalizations, lengthy time in involuntary mental hospital etc.) It took almost a two year arc, for me to finally move back home. Before that I was...

I am looking to see a new . . . somebody. But right now my two options besides my current therapist are a guy with more professional experience doing EMDR and a couple of other neuropsychological techniques that I am not familiar with at all (ETT and LENS). I am hesitant to see this guy a...

I'm feeling like I can't make it through the weekend. I reschedule another doctors appointment. I was too tired to even fill out all the forms online. A combination of dead tired, and relentlessly anxious. A lot of flashbacks are coming up at once right now. Every time I feel more desperate...

Yeah, its not so much the holidays bringing it up, as just me having a lot of flashback in this house and not being able to get away from it. And having a lot of stress building up at the same time. But there are specific triggers too, and like you I cannot have a conversation with either of...

The tree's not that big of a problem I guess. Maybe because of my experiences I've come to just numb and block out the whole holiday experience. Not a very fun strategy, but it almost seems to happen automatically. But then something comes to tip the balance, and its usually my mom. I don't...

In two successive Christmas seasons I was forcibly hospitalized by my parents which led to two stays in a bleak scary involuntary mental health 'hospital'. I have not really dealt with any of this trauma. Just being in my house, and it being this time of year makes me anxious. But today my...

Jesus, I had no idea that haggis was that intense. Did you know what was in it, but just not how it was made when you heard that? Because just knowing the ingredients would I think make most Americans gag.

Thanks Muse. It is really not about the holiday specifically, although missing out on family is part of it, and more about reminders of all the horrible sequence of events that happened around this time two years ago. And unless I force myself to go to relatives I can't get away from it. I'm...

It revolves more around family than anything else. It is the last Thursday in November. I believe Abraham Lincoln made it a national holiday, but I'm not sure who picked the last thursday in November. There is usually a big meal (with Turkey being the centerpiece) and then people kind of veg...

Frankly I just want to kill myself tomorrow, but on Thanksgiving. In all likelihood I'm not going to be able to make my family's thanksgiving get together. For the fourth year in a row. And that's going to kill me, because at least seeing some of relatives I haven't seen for two years would...

2nd anniversary. Why even use that word. It is two years removed from the incidence I consider most traumatic to me, and here I am and it feels like yesterday. I have never had time to talk about it with anyone, never had time to piece it together or really get an explanation from my parents...

I don't really know how to put it down in words. Living with my parents gives me a lot of emotional triggers, and then I am stuck thinking I will have to go back to the hospital where I have been traumatized so many times; it is essentially the reason I have PTSD - conflicts with my parents...

Good luck Smallhold. I don't have advice, but I am hoping you get better as you hold on.

The one thing that helps for me is something I read in a PTSD workbook: Imagine your flashback on a white board or some surface, and mentally use an eraser to erase it. I use a hand motion sometimes. Or I take a mental steel wool pad to really scrape off the dark memories. Or a power hose to...

I can't even begin to write about what today marks the third anniversary of. Basically the end of my life, the event that turned living with chronic pain in a temporary chaotic state of affairs that included running out of medicine into a confrontation with my family and a therapist that landed...

I guess this is the least of my worries right now, because I'm pretty much either on panic or have no energy to do anything, but what is disassociation. I'm familiar with flashbacks - and when I'm at home where my trauma occurred - I have flashbacks semi-regularly. But how is disassociation...

Thanks for replying Muse. I was an English major, so there's that ;) No, I am not seeing out patient therapy. I have looked extensively, but maybe not called extensively. All of the ones that seemed worth it were either not accepting patients or they never returned my message, which I have...

I want to be away from this situation. Ultimately my list of wants is just to be dead, because I see no solution to this. But I just keep pretending I can push it off for another day, another day, another day but its still my plan. I know that sounds completely grim, and urgent. And it is...

I don't even know if now is a good time to begin, but my brain feels like the Titanic going under. Just too much. Too much pain, too many reminders. A therapist said you can't regain feeling in something (like your hand) without it hurting a lot. Well the part that went numb, is finally...

I had what amounted to a complete mental blow out today. I guess the day didn't start too well since I was already worked up by a trigger in the house and most of my days are pretty stressful. I've been seeing this psychiatrist that my parents found who makes house visits - which helps because...

I am sure there are hundreds of websites out there on gluten free living and such, but I can tell you that I have gluten intolerance and I somehow managed without looking at one of them over five years. Not saying you shouldn't be looking, but its not absolutely necessary either. Especially if...

That seems a bit ironic. This person is struggling with a variety of issues, and whether or not he has PTSD - and you don't know him from Adam, but are confident that he 'doesn't' have PTSD and are shutting him down from the site. Maybe his anger and paranoia are related to past trauma...

No, not really. Besides the grounding techniques on this board, and a few things I've read in a PTSD workbook I really don't have much skills to handle it. I really got no treatment in the past two years, just a continuation of the problem. And being at home compounds the problem because...

I'm at the end of my rope for sure. I never even imagined myself living this far. After a two year entanglement with hospital ERs and this state's mental health spider web, I'm out and back home. But I never thought I'd get this far. I always thought I'd kill myself before I had to start...