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A year ago, after moving to a remote part of California for a job, I got fired. I was still recovering from a down and out 3 years earlier involving an accident, lots of pain, job loss and homelessness. So, things got better, I was working and then depression set in, resulting in job loss and...

I am the master of getting screwed, and not in a good way! I give up too much and demand too little, and when I get a backbone I get my posterior handed too me. But I must take my due responsibility, I stayed in an unhealthy relationship. My bad.

I know better than to chime in on any of this, but I do agree that men are stupid. They are easily controlled by the wiles of women, but if mating were left up to men, the species would likely go extinct? and we do reflexively look at a particularly well developed posterior-but that is because...

I was a little surprised to find my childhood included abuse, neglect and emotional abuse. Seemed like such a Mayberry upbringing. EMDR really illiuminated some things for me. CBT has been usefull too. I knew about the adult things, turns out childhood explains both the bad decisions that got me...

I am the victim and I am a man. While most grievous examples tend to be male on female victims, I am speaking of spousal abuse. I couldn't talk about it for better than ten years. Attempted murder suicide. I did leave.

I get it. I made them take the blood test again because i didn't believe them. After they took my blood again, because the results were days away so I wasn't diabetic yet so I had a tall stack of pancakes. cause I was pretty sure I was not eating pancakes anymore. Good luck. Be well.

Wow! Shit is coming apart! Some of your symptoms are real i would guess. Unknowns are much louder than your own calming voice inside. Maybe abnormal is good. But whatever that test means, the anxiety you seem to be reporting is bad for your condition. It is interpreted as stress & puts out a...

With the exception of my children, I am not sure I have felt love-real love, and i do make a point of saying it to my children. I am not sure I heard they loved me growing up, except when I was being chided for being an underachiever at school, "we love you of course, but these grades...." and...

Lets see the DSM separate out the SAS from the techy nerd in my case. I love working as a techy because we get to be colorful, causally dressed and allowed to flaunt social norms in the pursuit of our jobs. I know a lot of techy's who fit this description as I do, but did they all get into the...

On my way to where I am, I considered the vitamin solution and since nothing succeeds like excess, I got a bunch and started them all at the same time. I suddenly felt better. A while passed before I ran out of each pill, and I would take my time replacing them. Eventually I ran out of vitamin...

So, I am kind of new here... To do this I open a conversation with ms Spock?

I had multiple traumas before the age of six plus mom had rage issues (her childhood no doubt) and had a cold judgmental parenting style. Your post sounds like my experience.

a couple of things I notice since I have spent some time out here, first, I had never considered the civilian form of the condition, all my experiance is with soldiers at the VA, a crusty lot. such horrible stories out here that don't start with "while I was in the service..." Second, while I...

I don't have the waking flashbacks, and no memories of the dreams that wake me. My sympathies. I was about your age when the depressive episodes began. But I was driving a cab at the time and I could be off when I wanted. I could be flat for a day or two and go to work when I felt like it. But I...

So, I did try some spontaneous meditations at odd moments. One of these places was the sauna at the gym. The texture of the air really focused me on breathing. That was good, but drips feel on me from the ceiling, and I startled every time it happened breaking my focus. I realized it was a small...

It is those curve balls and slaps when I find my exercise most useful. When I am spinning up, my brain perceives a threat, it turns on the adrenalin, my body goes into hyper drive and reason flees. I had to learn to ease back at those moment and not be taken over by the adrenaline and keep my...

Another exercise in mindfulness I use is to practice being mindful while doing my workout at the gym. Feeling the effects of the exercise on that muscle, feel the fatigue set in, to be only aware of that one thing. For ten reps. Sounds a lot better than it really is in my head. Distractions are...

I have found a couple of groups to meditate with, many of the hints you guys have suggested were mentioned. I just feel I'm doing it wrong, and I am told that it is normal to feel this way. So I do not go looking for it or make it a priority. Being mindful, or my version of it, is to realize...

I am distracted by my vulnerability with my eyes closed, that vulnerability is not isolated to one location, so the unsafe feeling is from the inside. Thanks for the question. My intention was to find a place I felt safe, external safety. Good question.

relationships? I am not sure when I will be able to do that again. One of my exes tried to kill me, no, I was not having a Tiger Woods moment, she was crazier than me-an equally tall tell but true. The other one has used her law degree to demolish anything of meaning or value in my life (only...

mindfulness is a tough one to get. "stay present" what the heck does that mean? I finally got it when I reflected on how focused I was during some of my stressors. Nothing like a near death to focus on the NOW! Then at other times, like when I am on a bike ride, out far from my problems, just...

It has been useful. Maybe Ill find a safe place and try meditation again....

While I was picking myself up with the help of the va a couple of years ago, I discovered a group that studied mindfulness and meditation. Now I am a little too paranoid to sit with my eyes closed long, but the mindfulness thing seems useful. It helped me find the pause button on both my startle...

Wow! My story seemed bad till I got here! I had a less than perfect childhood. Some abuse and Neglect, sibling bullying, but not bad by comparison. I did have a life and death thing happen when I was 4, random violence. It did most likely color my perceptions and alter my behavior. Thanks for...

So, I just reread what I wrote. I wrote that I learned from my dog to stay in a safe place and eventually I wouldn't be so jumpy. to rephrase:I learned to self isolate. This may be the core reason my self treatment failed. And yes, I can feel love, thanks for pointing that out. I have 2 kids...