Sufferer My Intro

[IanG]

Hi my name is Ian and I was recently diagnosed with PTSD from birth trauma (Respiratory Distress Syndrome) as well as childhood trauma (verbal, emotional, psychological, and physical) at the hands of my alcoholic abusive father. I tried to suppress it throughout my life and hoped that if I did the right things it would go away. But it never did and the depression and anxiety got worse and worse over the years and I was self medicating with various substances. Recently (Jan 2014) I started working for a boss that had the same mannerisms as my father and that was the breaking point for me. I am now unable to work and struggle with day to day activities and am under the care of my therapist and psychiatrist and am on meds. I also am attending AA and Al-Anon meetings as well but those are difficult for me since I freeze around people. I am now in recovery but every day is a colossal struggle.

 

[ground crew]

Wow! My story seemed bad till I got here! I had a less than perfect childhood. Some abuse and Neglect, sibling bullying, but not bad by comparison. I did have a life and death thing happen when I was 4, random violence. It did most likely color my perceptions and alter my behavior. Thanks for sharing. Keep talking about it. It does get better.

 

[intothelight]

@IanG Welcome to the forum!

I hope the support and the information here is beneficial to your healing.

 

[IanG]

Thank you. So far it has been helpful.

 

[BlueDream]

Welcome, I hope you find some peace:)

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums !

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yep, been there myself! I had a boss a few years ago who had the same mannerisms as my mother.....unpredictably hot/cold, etc. My system couldn't handle it. Others just thought she was moody and it didn't seem like a big deal to them. To me it was too much like re-creating the past. I put in my notice so she offered me a raise. I even found my own replacement and trained her (not something my boss even asked me to do). But, that still wasn't enough. I'm glad I got out of there when I did. I know if I continued in that position, it wouldn't have turned out well.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @IanG it sounds like you're making a really good new start. :tup: Welcome to you.

 

[IanG]

Yep, been there myself! I had a boss a few years ago who had the same mannerisms as my mother.....unp...

For me it got to the point where I just felt an uncontrollable anger rise up and I ended up losing control in her office and I felt like I was in my childhood before my father. She also used some of the same phrases my father used (something that came up in therapy) that triggered me daily. I became more and more hypervigilant even to the point where even seeing her office door open (I could see it from my cubicle) made me jump and then I would just freeze and couldn't concentrate and would start having a panic attack which turns into an asthma attack for me.

This boss is a difficult person to work for and several colleagues have left the team because of her.