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UPDATE: so this topic still stresses me out, so I've made the decision that I won't have anything to do with the wedding planning anymore. I've created an excel file where I noted everything I've already organized and wrote down all the things that still need to be done, now I'm giving my...

Ugh that sounds so beautiful! This really is what I'd like... but I guess it's easier for me to compromise and have a bigger wedding, than it is for my fiancé to cut out all the people he'd like to have there... He's close to his cousins and uncles etc., which I am not. But at least we'll have...

Thank you! About what scout said: I realized I do that too. I always thought it was just funny whenever I noticed I hadn't actually said anything and was waiting for a reply. Then I did some thinking and it occured to me that I probably often don't even realize I'm doing this and might get...

Thank you! I've grown to know him quite well in the 8 years of our relationships, and still I tend to misinterpret his behavior sometimes. He has such a good heart but he can be a bit slow and is easily overwhelmed. Also he forgets a lot of things. But he's also lazy. And even after all those...

thank you all for the replies! I haven't been able to make a decision yet but I appreciate your tips and ideas. I hadn't even planned on replying yet but it's 2.30 am and as usual I can't sleep. And I don't know if it's just my anxiety acting out but now I'm starting to have doubts about the...

I definitely want the marriage... what I pictured was that we wouldn't even tell anyone. It's something sacred to me and I wanted to share it just with him. I never wanted the party. But the thing is: I know what I want but I don't know why I want it. I have social phobia and hate being the...

I already wrote about this matter in my diary (my personal diary, not the one on here) but it hasn't helped much. I really need other people's advice because I can't figure it out on my own. So my fiancé and I are supposed to get married in august. I've been doubtful about it from the...

Thank you for your responses! It's good to hear that what I'm experiencing is an actual thing that happens in these cases... I was thinking that I was doing this to myself somehow, by not responding the way I'm supposed to. And thank you, Wonder Woman, for the tips... I do keep a diary, but I...

It has been almost 2 years since my last traumatic experience (and probably the worst one, though I don't know why I think that). Still, I find it very hard to understand it and I don't know what to feel. I have been told by others that it was clearly rape, that happened, but something inside...

Very interesting thread... I tend to have sleep paralysis in the morning, before I have to get up and usually only when I lie on my back. Last night though, I had something like that before falling asleep and it was worse than before. I had already troubles falling asleep because I was having...

Thank you all <3 I think part of me knew what happened, yet I keep sugarcoating it. I never wanted to be labeled and compared to the stories I heard and read of what happened to other people, mine seems so harmless if not downright dumb (to me). I know I need to accept what happened to truly...

I don't know how to explain this, even thinking about it doesn't make any sense. I described in my first post here what happened in the last couple of years, but right now I want to focus on one specific aspect: the involuntary sex that happened more than a year ago. It's all very confusing...

I have only had three sessions with my therapist so far and she's my first one. I really don't know what to expect from therapy, but I wish she would guide a bit more. She asks me what I want to talk about every time, but I have already told her about the things that happened and the symptoms, I...

Yes you are right of course... It's just that lately what could go wrong has gone wrong and every time I felt better, something bad happened. It's exhausting. Especially the money problems. I should either be focusing on myself and on getting better or I should do everything I can to find a...

My boyfriend is the only valid reason for me not to kill myself. Just today, I almost started packing and sorting my things so he wouldn't have to deal with chaos after my "departure". Then I remembered that the emotional chaos is so much worse and I can't put him through that. I do believe...

That's tough... So basically you've had it since the beginning of your relationship? I have a similar history, though luckily I still have all my siblings. It's impressive and sad what our past can cause our adult life to be like. Well, I don't know how important being diagnosed is. I think...

How long have you had this and do you know why it started?

Wow. Also the ex or some other person? It really sucks but I'm glad I made this thread because I received great advice and it's beginning to get better already :) I hope it can help you too...

Thank you for that tip! I will try it... I think my sister already showed me something like that, but it was in German and she didn't know if I could use it from my laptop (I have an old phone), so I forgot about it. I'm setting up an account right now.

Maybe it kind of makes sense... If you're not able to solve the big problems in your life, you create new one's that you know will be solvable. Like I can't heal the emotional wounds, so I create physical ones that I know will heal. It's a small piece of control when the rest of your life is out...

I'm not sure... Physically I do sometimes things to feel good, like take a bath, put on a face-mask, watch my favorite show and have a glass of red wine... Or take a walk even if I hate going outside... I just feel like I do these things to keep myself functioning, because I know that self-care...

Well that just made me tear up... Thank you, reading your reply really hit a nerve. I have tried the 'love yourself-thing' before, but it never worked out. I feel like often my brain and heart are completely disconnected from each other. I can know something but not believe it at the same time...

@Sideways : Of course, you are absolutely right. I just started the fear inventory yesterday and it says you have to always form sentences with "I" and not with "he, she, they". So, I actually did that and it made me realize a lot of things. I tend to idealize my boyfriend. He's so nice and...

Thank you! These tips really are helpful. I copied and saved several of the instructions and I'm going to start my fear inventory. That should keep me busy through my unemployment... I also googled "obsession because of hate" because that seems more to be my problem. I hate her, because she...

Thank you! Good to hear I'm not alone with this... I know I should just stop and I definitely have to try what you did. So far, I always think "I'll just look at one picture" and it's not even interesting but I do it anyway. Lately I've begun to have dreams about her, so this is probably a sign...