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Thanks @ladee. I guess that's what I'm doing on here - bringing stuff out into the light. People reflecting back their similar experiences and encouragement, even little ones,, help a lot. I really appreciate your encouragement. I think the passive kind of boundary crossing that it sounds like...

Best wishes on working through the distortion and gaining perspective, @FauxLiz. My new awareness of my cognitive distortion feels that there is a special significance that the abuser's illness adds to the equation that I hadn't worked through before. I've been reading new research that...

Thanks for sharing @FauxLiz. I can relate to your experience. It must have been especially impactful that there was an actual death to contend with. I'm very sorry that you had that happen to you. Have you done any work to counteract that distortion that you could share?

I just uncovered a cognitive distortion that I wanted to express and wondered if anyone could relate. It's something like 'I am an evil, hurtful bitch if I don't meet someone's needs.' Now that I write it, it seems like a pretty standard cognitive distortion among us. But I guess I'm letting it...

You seem like a really dedicated, caring teacher. I'm glad to know that there are teachers out there like you.

Sorry to hear that @ROBERT TALON. I do understand that actually damaging things could happen by revealing one's story. But as you say, it would be quite rare, and probably not the basis for a long-term life lesson and hopefully one that can be usually be avoided by using good judgment about the...

Hi @Kieran, to me what you describe sounds like depersonalization. When I was in college, I (my head) and my feelings (my body) were two different things that I could not connect. Most of the time, I felt nothing and I even became selectively mute. It's been a long journey of healing since then...

Given your past, that's not a surprise. The fear and panic are real and can feel insurmountable. I'm middle-aged and have had many years to grow in doses. Whatever you can, however much you can all contributes to your growth. You seem to be really thoughtful and aware. I think that's more than...

It's painful, yes. I think one of the hardest things to do is to take responsibility for shit that wasn't even my fault. There were periods in my life when I would react in angry, crazy ways, and I know people were shocked, afraid, and weirded out. Ironically, what I *needed* was affirmation and...

Hi @berlinda. I think I get what you're saying and that's been a big challenge for me too. The times I'm most concerned about letting past and current feelings get blended these days is when I get triggered by something my bf does. I try really hard to keep my genuine reaction to something he...

First of all, best wishes in the process of online dating. I met my bf that way, and I feel very lucky. But I spent years without much success, and some of it was quite, quite disappointing. I think the biggest source of the disappointment is the fact that you become emotionally invested in a...

Thanks @ms spock. I understand your concern, but I don't think he's scapegoating. In fact, he has historically done the opposite - he didn't want to be "that ex" who always complained about their exes. He didn't respect or appreciate men at work who would bash their exes. But I think his fear of...

Thanks @pam4him. Sounds like you found a supportive person to share your life with. Those are good suggestions - to really listen to him and to note his positive reactions to remember during times of insecurity. I think that compounding my sense of insecurity is that my ex husband (divorced for...

I see your point. I'm still on a learning curve, so I get confused too. When we're together, his son is well behaved and cooperative. But at the same time, I'll find out that he habitually lies and that he gets into trouble, etc. I'm not going to defend my point of view about who is the culprit...

I found your posts very reassuring. Thank you. Just to have people understand what my experience is is so helpful. As an update, my bf has been in touch throughout the day by text, and I feel that he's being extra attentive and asking me about my day. So I think this is going to turn out to have...

@Sideways, omg. Way to throw my words back at me. I know you're right. I don't regret speaking my truth. I'm going to focus on the importance for me to live authentically. Thank you. I know people have posted this type of thread before, and I'm going to look back for them. But when it's you...

I recently revealed to my bf some of the things that happened in my childhood that resulted in my ptsd and went into more detail than I ever have, like how my mom watched me attempt suicide and told me not to fail because she was worried that I'd be a burden as a coma victim. I thought he would...

Thanks @blackemerald1. I appreciate and agree with most of what you wrote. And as you say, he has always seemed to be within the range of normal for a 13 yo. In fact, quite sweet. But I've also seen behaviors that are baffling, and in my mind quite alarming if you ask me. Like the fact that he...

@blackemerald1, thanks so much. I feel like some of the criticism about my bf was unfair and I really appreciate you stepping up and speaking up in support. He's not perfect, but I didn't think my bf would be put under scrutiny like that. Maybe our experience is that the men can fail us. My ex...

I understand what you're saying. To be honest, there are times when I feel like wtf? I also miss time with him. But his work is just that intense. It's just not a choice. His son could not go to the school he does and wouldn't be able to go to therapy if he didn't work, and his work is highly...

This is a great thread, and you got some interesting responses to this question. For me, symptoms have helped me immensely because I feel that my most transformative moments were when I could rewire my trauma while being triggered and flashing back. Trying to re-parent my traumatized child is...

I agree. When my son was young, I realized very quickly that my own behaviors impacted his, so it was not just changing him, but mostly changing myself. My bf thinks that therapy would be good for his son and has thought about doing that before, so he's okay with the ultimatum. He also thinks...

Thanks for your thoughts. @scout86, it looks like you've been there, so I really appreciate your perspective. It's a challenging situation to be in. @Mytime, sounds like you're an awesome parent. I think that in the case of my bf's ex, she has a lot of shame in her past, but she compensated by...

I've heard before people who have been abused in childhood say that "normies" are boring. I guess it's a way of dismissing them and defending the familiar patterns of intense emotions at the same time. We might hate it, but a lot of the emotional turmoil we acquired is not something we can...

Yes, @scout86, those are exactly it. Thanks for putting that into words because they express my concerns. I'm glad it's not just me that sees these behaviors as a problem. I think that the parents have truly talked themselves into believing that if only the administration and other kids were...