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Ah. I missed that it was a two part question. I meant being frozen in time. In the "don't know anything that happened after they got stuck" sense. My parts know everything up to the current moment; though they remain the age they were when frozen. As far as lying... yes, they lie. If it suits...

Mine don't, but everyone experiences it differently. Who's is to say that yours should not? Go with your instincts. Keep talking to her. As long as she is willing to talk, it makes everyday life easier.

Don't blink. Blink, and you'll miss it. Motherhood is exhausting. Mothering a preemie, exhausting. NICU, then home, then worried about every last little thing. Is she breathing? Is she too blotchy? Is that a sniffle or just her noisy breathing? Will the birth defect in her eye mean that she...

I don't know how to help you feel safe, but I'm listening and I can tell you that you're real and your pain is real, and that might help a little. Just because you made poor decisions or choices at some point, that may or may not have contributed to the abuse you've gone through, it doesn't...

I manage my eating issues with a lot of distractions. When my stress levels are up, when I stop sleeping, when I'm flashbacking all over the place, first I stop getting hungry and then I start vomiting everything I eat. Stress. I can eat, if I don't let myself know that I'm eating. Think, tv...

I pout in my head. Then I crack up giggling in the car on the way home. Especially if the primary internal comment is "nuh-uh!" to anything just discussed. "because" and "don't wanna" are close runnerups for giggling. I'd be very embarassed to let it out.

I'm kinda overwhelmed by the comments here but in a good way. I think it's harder for me to handle this now I have my own kids. I can't blame myself so much for being helpless back then. It also is giving me more insight on how to reach that kid. My daughter spent most of her life non verbally...

I had another wave of emotional flashback tonight. Came out of nowhere, without giving me time to catch my breath as they normally come, and just slammed down. My head starts hurting from how fast it came. There's still this massive disconnect between what I'm feeling and what I'm knowing. Does...

Awesome! I know that feels really good. Next time, it will be a bit easier, because you've got this moment right here to use as a reference point.

Integration Once upon a time -isn't that how all good stories are supposed to start- there were five of me. Or six, depending on how you count it. Now there is one of me. For almost all of the time, there's no difference. That's how well integration took, and how much I wasn't totally all the...

I know a bit of that wierd "want to reach out and touch" feeling. Just to know that the therapist is still there, even if that's all I need. And I feel as if I'm not wasting his time if I'm not in crisis. Right now I email him. A lot. Every day, sometimes twice, with these long-ass things. As...

So close to telling him the whole thing. I got all the way up to the last couple of words and then I lost my words. Throat closed up, couldn't say them, just shook my head. I'd like to think that he could read between the lines. I know that he's had enough years experience that he won't read...

Another night of four hours sleep. in three chunks, all with great big horrid hours between them. I'm starting to zombify. I have an hour or so before I have to get to therapy. Try to close my eyes again and sleep. Hope. I'm starting to lose my hope again. It feels as though this has gone on...

Ah. That didn't work. Slept one measly hour and I have been up now for two hours. To pass the time I'm starting to prepare for therapy tomorrow. I think the first thing to come up will be the events of Monday. To briefly sum, I had a benefit review with social services and disqualified for all...

It's that time again. Time to wrap it up and go to bed. Where I'll lay a bit, then shake a bit, then fail to stay asleep. I don't wanna. My plan tonight is to take my meds and listen to music and read a book or all my many, many forums to kill the time until I go to sleep. Or I'll google random...

What if, the little kid who suffered through that original big trauma thing, she's still in there? What if she just sorta stayed there. And everything every therapist and group encounter ever said after... after she was grown... it just didn't kick in at all because she couldn't grasp what they...

When I was eighteen, I got shipped off to college and I was SO not ready to go. In just the seven months preceding this I had been hospitalized for my most lethal suicide attempt, had been in two outpatient programs, and been inpatient for psych 10 times. Within a few days at that college I ran...

I had sexual and "other" abuse in childhood. (this morning i just can't bring myself to really unpack the "other" part of this. sorry.) I already had c-ptsd before the big Adult Trauma(s) happened. More so with my first pregnancy. It started out high-risk for a bunch of things, but all seemed...

Come to realize that the past two weeks... I thought I knew where they were going. For the most part, I did. What I did not expect was that it's also been a continuation of testing the trust-issue waters. I trust my therapist. That, I knew. That, I have been proving in little ways for several...

"And Ophelia was a tempest cyclone, a goddamned hurricane... your common sense, your best defense, lay wasted and in vain... for Ophelia knows your every woe and every pain you'd ever had. She'd sympathize and dry your eyes and help you to forget. Ophelia's mind went wandering. You'd wonder...

I think so. But my head and body aren't talking so much the past several hours. Husband took kid-feeding duty last night so I could sleep. I still only got 90min chunks but hey, they were on a row. And I got four or five of them instead of two! The most psychologically revealing dream among...

I I just don't believe any of it right now. The parts about my husband kicking me out, being nothing to him, that came out two weeks ago while he was drinking. When he drinks he can't filter anything. What he believes and how he feels and thinks just comes spilling out. How can I argue true...

In no particular order: I have no value Since we're not legally divorced, my husband is legally responsible for me. So I'm living totally on his sufferance Can't work, can't even pretend to try to work, and see the previous point I'm nothing to him. His coworkers tell him that he should kick my...

I think this is frustrating because most of this I literally haven't had come back in twenty years. So much other crap has come and gone but this has stayed put away until this year. Most of all I want to act like my six year old son and stamp my feet, throw myself on the floor, and scream at...

I have gone through almost exactly the same thing. Only the fine details were different. Aunts instead of sisters, email instead of letters... Splitting internally. Images of blood and self harm and suicide... Other mundane things that had to get done right then without my personal hell...