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  1. M

    Childhood I can't remember my abuser

    @The Albatross No, I have had similar experiences to you. I have terrifying flashbacks that make me feel like I am going absolutely crazy because I can't believe something so terrifying has happened to me. I am in therapy now... I suggest you talk to a therapist and start working through some of...
  2. M

    Childhood Sexual abuse poem

    @TexCat Sexual abuse is as sexual abuse... Yes, it is a sad, horrible reality.
  3. M

    Childhood Sexual abuse poem

    Have you ever felt death Trickling down the inside of your leg As a hand placed so fervently in your groin Flashback Where did my legs go? Spiritual paralysis. I am paralyzed A purgatory between the breathing and the dead I can move from one side to another But in water my...
  4. M

    Childhood Do wierd fantasies give clues about original abuse?

    In my sexual fantasies as a child, happened all the time and I was always dancing for a man and bending before him.
  5. M

    Childhood Do wierd fantasies give clues about original abuse?

    I had memories as a young 7 year old of fantasizing about being a sex slave. I think it was because of my abuse. Now when I first started having sex... I have submissive fantasies again and like the idea of a man degrading and abusing me. Like I want to be a perfect housewife that really turns...
  6. M

    Childhood Are my childhood sexual abuse memories real?

    @EveHarrington After my last trigger, I got what I would consider to be violent and completely emotional. I ended up in the hospital. It was absolutely terrible. Afterwards, I tried breaking up with my boyfriend because I couldn't handle the stress. Looking back on it... It is sad because we've...
  7. M

    Childhood Are my childhood sexual abuse memories real?

    See... I always had the memory of the man coming into the closet but I completely repressed the other stuff. Everything... All of the abuse. I remember when I had the flashback... I was like woah, I haven't remembered this in a really, really long time.
  8. M

    Childhood Are my childhood sexual abuse memories real?

    I have heard of the notion of false memories. Are false memories real? I always thought I might have been sexually abused as a child after I developed PTSD for two sexual assaults that happened at ages 18 and 19. When I developed PTSD, I started doing EMDR. One day during a flashback, I got an...
  9. M

    Childhood Is this a false memory?

    @Ragdoll Circus Thank you! That meant so much. I feel bad because everyone around me is exhausted by my trauma. Thank you for your help. It meant so much.
  10. M

    Childhood Is this a false memory?

    My PTSD has also made me super crazy.
  11. M

    Childhood Is this a false memory?

    What is IMHO? I see... I want to stop being so easily distressed but I feel like sexual abuse is all I can think about since my nightmares and body memories. I feel like I am going crazy.
  12. M

    Childhood Is this a false memory?

    Can someone help me?
  13. M

    Childhood Is this a false memory?

    I have been having PTSD symptoms ever since my sexual assault when I was in College. However, I have been in ample amounts of therapy and the PTSD hasn't gotten better. In fact, the more therapy I go to the worse the PTSD gets. My dad was an alcoholic and at times physically abusive. I have...
  14. M

    Sexual Assault How Do I Heal My Ptsd?

    I keep having dreams of the guys who attacked me in high school. I have dreams where I am telling them what they did to me and they don't believe me. I have dreams where they're tormenting me and bullying me. And I have dreams where I am drunk, helplesss and sick. They always wanted to see...
  15. M

    Exhaustion After Work

    I just recently posed a thread about work stress and how it causes me stressors so badly I lash out at my partner during the week. This ultimately puts into a full blown trigger every week... I mean dissociation, hyper-vigilance,rage... You name it. Like Eve Harrington, I've accepted I'll never...
  16. M

    Does Working From Home Help Ptsd Stressors?

    Hello everyone, I am thinking about quitting my current job and taking a remote work from home job that might be a little more slower paced. One of the reasons is I just got diagnosed with PTSD this year, although, I've had it for a while. However, whenever I was healing before I had a lot...
  17. M

    How Do I Get Over

    @sonicwhite I don't really understand what happened here... But I am sorry for the lose with your ex. Sometimes, we have to let go of the people we love. That is showing them we love them the most.
  18. M

    Am I Abusive Because I Am Afraid Of Control

    @Stickler he also never takes any blame for his actions and immediately in the moments putts it on my ptsd.
  19. M

    Am I Abusive Because I Am Afraid Of Control

    @Stickler the shakiness and screaming happen after I try to get intimate and have sex. It isn't even the sex I'm worried about but the flashbacks.
  20. M

    Am I Abusive Because I Am Afraid Of Control

    @Stickler what do you mean by that? Wednesday we were fine. Until, we were the dinner table and he made a disgusted look. I asked him why and he said you were chewing with your mouth full. I immediately got quite and it reminded me of my father who used to say that to my mother and used it as an...
  21. M

    Am I Abusive Because I Am Afraid Of Control

    @Friday I think the worst part is when we fight, and I get so overwhelmed and depressed because my symptoms are so activated that I threaten to leave the relationship because I feel like it is the only sense of the relief I'll get in that moment. It is so hard, and then afterward I am so...
  22. M

    Am I Abusive Because I Am Afraid Of Control

    @Stickler Thank you so much. Do you think that will work?
  23. M

    Am I Abusive Because I Am Afraid Of Control

    I've recently come to terms with the fact I am abusive. More abusive than I want to be... I don't stalk, control or manipulate my boyfriend. However, if he says something that hurts me... I hurt him 5X more. It is terrible, and I can't tell if it is because I am so afraid of being controlled...
  24. M

    Sexual Assault I Need Help Having Sex Again

    Wow that is really amazing. I totally agree. I almost have this abnormal fetishization whenever I have sex where I fetishize myself. I don't know how else to get turned on anymore. I like feeling like I am some object that the man desires because I can't feel anything else. I makes me feel...
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