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Thank you for the encouragement @Meadowsweet - I reciprocate it. Yeah @GMW - It's really hard and once you realise it's difficult to say it once, I find it gets even harder. I've spent hours with my boyfriend saying things that rhyme with it but still not able to say it. The same happens with...

@Abstract - you seem to have a great deal of insight into it. It's interesting hearing other people's experiences. This really rings a bell with me. Especially how you say "apparently I am.....". So much of the time I think I'm doing one thing, or I don't realise I've even "gone", but my...

@Nevermore and @The Albatross - It's interesting what you were saying about the link between dissociation and being the flight/freeze mechanism. (And that is a SERIOUSLY strong fight response @The Albatross ). And interesting how your early experience affected which mechanism you turned to...

Unfortunately my doctor has now said she isn't willing/able to do a sedated exam and is reluctant to do an non-sedated one any time soon because I struggle so much with making contact with myself there, let alone allowing anyone else. She said she would do it if I really thought I could manage...

Ok, that sounds like it might have to be an option I consider. I'm just terrified that by being sedated it leaves me more vulnerable and that increases my fear of it happening again. I'm convinced it will all happen again as it is, which makes me scared even in situations which have no...

It's because of the location that the wound isn't really healing. Thank you for checking, but it's not a metaphor for a psychological wound. It isn't that I need medical advice or anything, it's more like....how the hell am I supposed to get past this if I can't do the most simple...

I don't know if this is helpful but I have various different levels/types of what may or may not be actual dissociation, but what I consider to be dissociative style incidents. One where I can hear and see everything going on but at a distance, as if I'm a small version of me inside my head...

I tend to get 70+ hours because I supplement my night's sleep with naps during the day - a habit I started when I got a virus as a teenager but that has got continued thanks to psych hospitalisation and exhaustion from PTSD, anxiety etc. The amount I sleep at night is also increased due to my...

Ok right, I haven't been on here in a while so this is harder than I thought it was going to be. But then this whole damn thing is harder than I thought it would ever be so.... Anyway, 4 years ago, I was repeatedly sexually assaulted over a period of 6 months by a guy I was seeing (don't ask...

@Porphyry - does your employer know about your depression??? If not, maybe it's the time to let them know? Try not to beat yourself up about the phase you're in, I know it's frustrating but it makes it more likely to last..... I know I feel like I'm going insane when depression hits and I'm...

It's really reassuring that you guys feel similarly to me!!! Although I'm obviously sorry that it happened to you. Thank you for your support. :) @Snowwhite - I, also, am generally quite submissive in every day life, partly due to low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in my own opinions and...

Thank you all for your replies - it's great to hear that others have similar experiences and are also learning to live with and accept their likes. Thanks that does help @falling_wave :) Yeah that's logical - I guess I kind of do that too with my current partner, seeking out something good in...

I hope this isn't triggering, I won't go into it, but I do reference generically what type of trauma. So, my trauma (3 years ago) involved sexual abuse, humiliation and domination from male(s) and I still experience lots of flashbacks, especially if I see someone else acting in a way that they...

Thank you for your support. @Meadowsweet - I think you're right.. I need to keep releasing because as my boyfriend has said: "keeping it in is clearly not working for you..." Crying is definitely hard though, it's as if allowing the emotion makes it more real somehow? I've been reading the 1st...

I just physically collapsed with emotion and exhaustion relating to trauma for the first time today. It was SO scary. I'm used to physically collapsing from general exhaustion (I have an eating disorder), but not relating to trauma. I mentally shut down sometimes... I put Yes, sometimes.

I'm about to start some work on my trauma with my therapist, because recently I've had frequent flashbacks and regular dissociations, often not with any sort of identifiable trigger, it's like it's got out of hand... I've been trying to do some of the work that she set me (a 3rd person written...

It sounds like discussing your own experience when you were younger, with a counsellor could help you potentially get past both this and that situation. It could be affecting how you feel about your wife's experience and how you're reacting, without you realising. I also want to second this -...

I'm so glad that you have taken all this advice and insight positively and in a constructive way. You can see the intense emotions that come up for someone in your wife's situation in this instance, and I hope that we have helped to give you understanding of it as well as a bit of a reality...

I can understand your anger and your desire for justice...I'm sure I would have an element of that if I were in your situation, but I'm on the other side personally...and I agree with the previous posters, I really don't think it's helpful for either you or your wife for you to persist with...

I'm not sure how much I can add to this, but I totally get what others have said about it being a spectrum. And that the best idea can often be to try and identify when it's happened, using other people's information if needed, and try to find out the triggers/what happened. I'm currently trying...

I tend to see things in images, especially since I had epileptic seizures. Because I frequently struggle to find the word I want, and I'll have such a clear sentence/idea in my head but simply cannot get it out in a coherent concise sentence...it ends up a long-winded pointless babble. In terms...

I've always found crying in therapy really hard. I only cry at night by myself as well, but it's become such a horrible idea to be seen crying that if I end up feeling like crying when in front of someone, it feels like a failure. It's taken well over a year for me to be able to cry in front of...

Just saw this thread, I was wondering why I can hear the word in my head and just about be okay but even if I'm trying really hard to say it, it won't come out....? Does anyone else get this? I flinch and panic if someone else says it, but me saying it out-loud is a completely different...

I'm glad to hear that @sun seeker - I understand the exhaustion of working so hard on improving and understanding certain things that you end up with no energy to connect with real life. I feel a bit like that myself right now and I just want to sleep and sleep. In the meantime, best wishes and...

I am so sorry that you have and are experiencing that much fear and it sounds like a protective mechanism, a bit like the brace position, where everything is tense and still, trying to protect yourself from being hurt by anything. I identify with the shutting down, like not moving and not...