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Hey Chava! Hope today is a little better. Actually I hope it is a lot better, but I know how it goes. I have pain in the same areas as you. I also get intermittent numbness in the hip area and terrible yawning pain in the tummy like an abyss opens up. Nothing organically wrong. I go very gentle...

What has helped me a lot recently are Trauma Release Exercises. The name is misleading -- at least for me thus far -- insofar as I can't necessarily say yet (all things in retrospect) that trauma energy has been released, but what it does do is relax the psoas muscle, which contracts in fight...

You have got to tell your T what is going on. You said you want her to feel good, so you hesitate to ask her why you are feeling worse. You are paying her, a professional, to help you. No way she can if you hide how you are doing. Your job is not to make her feel good, though I remember feeling...

sun seeker - I agree. Keep looking for a good T. My sleep has gotten 100% better with release of trauma energy with somatic T and bodywork. So glad you got some sleep.

In the end, you know yourself, your heart and mind. You know what will allow you to sleep at night. It sounds like you have thought this through thoroughly and just have a delimna. For me, sometimes I would intellectually know it was not okay what was going on, but emotionally I wasn't ready...

sun seeker - I think I know what you are talking about. I mean, what I have is not anxiety at 10 pm. It begins that way at 5:00, but by bed time, it has become something completely different. I may be exhausted, and usually am, but it's like there is an engine inside of me ready to go 180 mph at...

@KwanYingirl - it is hilarious now! But at the time, I was like - Nooooo! : )

You definitely deserve better. He may go in and out of states of dissociation, fight or flight, and periods of normalcy. When he feels fine, I am sure he means what he says and feels. Then he goes under unpredictably, and that non-feeling feels real -- it is at the moment he has it -- and he...

A resounding yes! IMO. Conventional works if I am not on high alert, but I often am before bed time. For me, my getting "nervous" around five matches exactly the bad butterflies I would get when I was in 6th grade and knew my dad would be home in two hours. I personally think - for me at least...

No way are you making excuses Chava. I hear you trying as hard as you can. Re missed opportunities, would it be possible to say, I'd love to say yes, but physically it isn't possible. You don't have to say PTSD if that would make you or them uncomfortable. You could just say back pain makes...

I know whereof you speak! I used to go on high alert the later it got each evening. Began at 5 PM and went until dawn. I have to get myself out of fight or flight to sleep. Relaxing from head to toe never helped me nor did tranquilizers. Tensing my muscles hard so I feel my strength and then...

I'm sorry you're feeling so lousy and trapped, especially with the pain. I too have been in a great deal of physical pain since spring. My body was out of alignment for years and years (it held the pain captive. Surprise!) and now it's being tweaked back into alignment and that hurts too. Not in...

Anything is possible. You know just by your quality of life now, and you will know for sure by and by. I am so happy it doesn't significantly interfere with your life. I was numb for a long time, a state of dissociation, which was good insofar as I didn't have too much hypervigilance and other...

You mean, one pupil is big and one pupil is small? Gosh, that I've never researched. For sure see a doc. It's good to get checked out anyway. I had so many bizarre physical symptoms beginning in spring. I was freaking the hell out, absolutely sure I was dying. I went to the doc and took...

Balls have nothing to do with it. Your survival brain works automatically. If it senses a threat, and loud noises are often interpreted as threat, it will work to protect you and get you the hell out with stress hormones, etc. When I used to walk home from work through the busy Chicago streets...

The pupils grow large in fight or flight in order to see the threat coming. When you are relaxed, the pupils are small. When it is dark, you may be relaxed and the pupils large - again because you - the survival brain parts - are trying to see. Being you right now is feeling lousy and saying...

Your mind is grappling with the enormity of what happened, which is a normal response to an abnormal event. Go to a trauma therapist as soon as possible if you can. The sooner you get help, the sooner symptoms can subside.

I don't think we can make ourselves forgive, can't force it. Then it isn't true within. I understand what happened. I think I know what created the whole thing. But for me, the best I could do for years was put it out of my head. When it came to mind and started making me crazy, I'd put it in...

Gosh I know the feeling. I hate when a beautiful day is interrupted and feels destroyed like that. I have found that the more I heal and change, the less seeing or talking to my family affects me. It used to ruin things for months. One phone call and I'd literally have months of despair. Now, I...

I did talk therapy for 25 years. I learned a lot, but nothing changed in the way I felt and experienced life. I just understood more. Somatic therapy has completely changed my life in the last two years. I think it's vital to have both - an understanding of what's going on and a way to...

@arfie - You probably are getting angel kisses!!!!

Long live music!!! For decades @arfie, the feeling I had singing was what I imagined real prayer or communion with God or The Universe might feel something like. Great thread @KwanYingirl!!!

@arfie - Interesting connection re singing as a breathing exercise. I have been using Contolled Breathing taught to me by my chiropractor to calm my brain's survival center a lot lately. Never connected my love of singing (alone only - my voice is not so good!) all those years with the unknown...

Hi darkteen!

Hooray! Music is so good for the soul, not to mention great fun!