Hormones, Not Able To De-stress Ever

[Chava]

Lots of tangible stress in my life. But I'm not de-stressing. I can't amp down. I can't think my way calm or do calming things...it's like my body feels like it's being met by an oncoming truck all the time. I have found laughing helps, exercise if I can manage not getting even more amped up, and focusing more on the "good" stress if I find myself fearing the bad stress. But it's not good. I'm having some sort of breakdown.

My doctor said I'm too sensitive to any hormone pill I try (I need some for terrible cramping, bleeding, bad imbalance in there)...any hormones floating through my bloodstream just wreck me over time and I'm at my breaking point. I'm going in for a procedure, which she told me NOT TO GOOGLE SEARCH (knowing I'd read only bad reviews), but she answered all of my questions well. I don't want to say what it is because I don't want anyone to tell me a horror story, please. But whether your own hormones or different hormone replacements or birth control, has this stuff make your original stress level unbearable? I can't amp down. It's HORRIBLE, even on this tiny dose. Another person might just be irritable. I'm having a nervous breakdown. I will end up in the hospital if things get worse. Some stuff at work just sucks, but worse is that I can't de-stress at all. I'm falling apart.

So, does anyone relate to the intensity of trauma + bad hormones and just nearly losing it? My therapist said the balance might be harder for me with other hormones off-set or chronically flooding my system (like the interplay between adrenaline and other hormones, etc). I don't totally understand it, but it's gone really crazy for me. Also, any good experiences finding better balance? I don't want to hear the bad or horror stories, please (and regret what has not worked out for you individually). I only have a couple choices left and am staying positive. thanks!

 

[arfie]

I can't answer to the hormones part, but I can relate to the inability to de-stress to the point of exercise getting me even more amped up. Have you tried stretching and\or tai chi? Both help me to release that tension from my muscles without stimulating my hyper-activity.

Glad you are staying positive. Sincere hopes that you can keep that positivity active.

 

[Chava]

yes, mindful movement is usually helpful..thanks..

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Chava I had a lot of uterine and ovarian problems they kept trying to fix. Acupuncture saved my life. It brought me back. It resolved my problems. There was a woman who always had the same appt time as me. So we would chat. She was there because after even in vitro treatments, she could not conceive a second child. She told me this was her last hope. Time went by and I realized I hadn't seen her for awhile. I asked my acupuncturist what happened to her and she said " oh no worries, she is pregnant now. It really works. She could tell if I was off the rails son days and would get a needle into my third eye to break up the anxiety I had. It's worth a try.

 

[franciemarnie]

What has helped me a lot recently are Trauma Release Exercises. The name is misleading -- at least for me thus far -- insofar as I can't necessarily say yet (all things in retrospect) that trauma energy has been released, but what it does do is relax the psoas muscle, which contracts in fight or flight and can sort of stay that way for a big part of your life after trauma. The muscle is at your innermost core. When I do the exercise, my body calms down and then so do I. It's been a life saver lately.

Sounds simple and it is. It's worth a try. You can Google it. The guy's name is Berceli I think. He had PTSD and has been teaching this to veterans and all kind of people with trauma and PTSD for years. It's not a cure-all but it takes me from 180 mph to 30 pretty quickly.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Nerofeedback helped balance my hormones. And it's not even known for helping in that area. I went from whacked out cycles that would last 6 months sometimes to 11 cycles a year. It's not perfect as I still range from 15-55 days, but it's a heck of a lot better than it was. You likely won't find much of anyone else saying anything similar. I've tried looking, and found nothing. I even contacted the neurofeedback association and they'd never heard of this effect. It's worth a shot if nothing else works.

 

[Chava]

Thanks everyone. Seems like quite a process finding what works for us. I am, in most ways getting better at listening to my body. Instead of totally feeling like I'm crazy, I can feel that I'm way off track and need help...or something has to change...my body can't amp down, but I at least maintain a little awareness, so I don't like wreck myself.

I slept a few hours, now am hiding in a little room with dim light because I couldn't force myself back to sleep.

@franciemarnie I still don't think I'd dare do trauma releasing on my own but I had asked my therapist about this psoas connection. Makes sense it's sort of the seat of flight power, being able to stand upright and run, but also curl into a little self-protective ball. I've had more tightness in lower back, hips, legs, and I especially notice a stress connection a the junction between the top of my leg and hip, where it bends. A couple night ago I didn't really sleep at all and felt that part of my leg tightening involuntarily, even on muscle relaxants. Uncomfortable and painful. I probably did the wrong thing by staying in bed and trying for hours to sleep, even though I've been exhausted. So for tonight, a few hours seemed good enough (I hope). I can't make myself lay down anymore. Even if hormones can balance out I probably need to get some trapped energy out of these muscles.

If I can't get anymore rest I think I'll hang out in my little hiding spot, curled up, and maybe try a little stretching after a while. Part of me just fears my body can't keep up with this. Probably it can't longterm. But hopefully another week or something, slowing down to the extent I can. Artwork helps too because partly it allows me to stay amped up, but slowing my body down...and my mind as it absorbs my attention. Just haven't had time to even get into anything and look forward to some of that for the weekend.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Chava,
very quickly - I've over run my lunch break...

Intake of estrogen and progesterone can both increase the production of cortesol.

There's an effect the other way around too - dysregulation of the Hippocampal - piturity - adrenal axis by trauma can lead to infertility.

That much is established science (look up cortesol and the various cushings diseases to see what grossly elevated cortesol levels do)

What follows is an observation, and speculative. Two female members of my extended family have severe problems with stress. One of them, I know for a fact, was exposed to stress hormones by her mother having depression during the second half of the pregnancy (she'd had several miscarriages and was terrified of loosing another, plus she had terrible sickness, and it got to her) When the child was born, the child could not be comforted, she'd just scream and scream. She was ok from toddling to the end of her teens - sensitive but didn't suffer depression. Now in her 20s, the depressions have started. The other was an unplanned pregnancy, with four much older brothers and a seriously type A father (so again possible depression for mum during pregnancy) a miserable childhood - and she gets nasty long periods of low mood.

Here's the speculative part - both also have trouble with polycystic ovaries, and have a really rough time with PMS coincidence?

Big hug if you'll have one.

 

[KP the nut]

(((HUGS))) if you accept them. I am so with you re the hormones. I had my third zolodex implant injection yesterday, plus I take 3 northisternone (sp?) mini pill tablets daily. My procedure for fibroids in next Fri 10th. Part of me is dreading it, the other can't wait.

I am all over the place, my poor hubby. My dogs help me to de-stress. If I lie on the bed, they are right next to me.

Wishing you well.

 

[franciemarnie]

Hey Chava! Hope today is a little better. Actually I hope it is a lot better, but I know how it goes.

I have pain in the same areas as you. I also get intermittent numbness in the hip area and terrible yawning pain in the tummy like an abyss opens up. Nothing organically wrong. I go very gentle with TRE. Literally a few minutes only at times. No memories open up, but emotion buried in the body -- which feels terrifying -- emerges. If I can cry - oh what relief from pain I have!! So cry if you can. See if it helps. I wish I could cry and cry and cry it away. It is finite, but it feels infinite. Feelings are not facts.

You will get through this.

 

[Chava]

Intake of estrogen and progesterone can both increase the production of cortesol.
There's an effect the other way around too - dysregulation of the Hippocampal - piturity - adrenal axis by trauma can lead to infertility.

Thanks for all the info and thoughts @Anarchy . I've wondered about polycystic ovaries. Is that one of those things diagnosed only by laparoscopy (one of my options I don't want to actually talk about right now)? I can't imagine I could have a child, haven't gotten accidentally pregnant or ever tried, so I don't know. But it's a mess in there. Very interesting about the cortisol. I have something really F#cked up. I don't get manic, don't really fit bi-polar (and have never been diagnosed with it), but I really get hyped up sometimes and lately it's all bad hype and constant feeling of major stress...my body just hurts like I've been run over. My mom was under a lot of stress while pregnant with me too and I was kicking badly and wrongly induced (came out tiny, purple, and went right to the incubator)...a few years later my lungs collapsed and I was in ICU for quite a while, alone too much. I can't imagine we had a good connection because I never felt it and even had nightmares about her (she had her own trauma history and it came out as shutting people out and rages). She doesn't remember my childhood so I don't know much either. Known infertility on her CSA side of the family too, though I don't know specific causes or if they are known. Anyway, my therapist calls it all something like global high intensity complex trauma, which I think is partly SE description that involves the medical stuff. Basically I couldn't rely on my body to breathe and I couldn't rely on my environment to protect me either. Lots of times I've wondered why I'm not dead because I am split between lots of spirit and creativity and a side that just doesn't thrive or even feel like I was ever fully born...or have been half dead.

I would have called my primary doc by now if I didn't have another ob/gyn appointment coming up really soon. It just keeps getting worse and my sense is this interplay between being triggered and hormones issues that aren't allowing my body to settle...ever...it can't continue like this. Thanks again for your thoughts. I'm not going to google ob/gyn procedures or freak myself out any further but might look more into cortisol (I've felt for years that I have an adrenaline problem, based on my vague understanding of adrenaline, long before I even knew anything about trauma).

 

[Chava]

@KP the nut good luck with your next procedure!! I'm at the point where I'm looking forward to mine!!! Something just has to change and I suppose there's a bit of "good" fight in me that's willing to try the next thing and not give up. I can't take pills. I've tried all combinations, tiniest doses too. So mad at my body but it's like a little shred of my soul has enough awareness to hang on by a pissed off little thread right now!!! Thanks for sharing...though sorry you relate to the struggles...