Looking for advice/thoughts/feedback. house is causing harm, mom isn't able to call the helper

[littleoc]

Could be. She may be frozen in fear or something now, maybe because of that or other things. Or it c...

Maybe. I wish she would go to therapy for her anxiety -- but I can't make her.

I think at this point that even if S does help us, which seems unlikely at this point, that I should plan to move out. This house is suffocating. Maybe if it gets clean I could view this situation better, or maybe if I just didn't live here I could.

 

[Changing4Best]

So what can you do in the next week to help make that a reality for yourself? Maybe not everything all at once, but something.

 

[littleoc]

So what can you do in the next week to help make that a reality for yourself? Maybe not everything a...

Hm.

Well, this summer I will be doing work at the university for three months, and they will let me rent out a dorm space.

During that time I can try to get a lisence like @scout86 suggested, and I can take the GRE to be able to apply to grad schools. During the summer I could look for jobs in another city and ask if my friend who lives there is looking for a roommate by any chance.

I could ask that this week. Otherwise, nothing comes to mind -- except fixing my bike up. I'm fixing my bike so I can go into town more easily, without having to rely on my mom or brother. It's a start.

I would need to be able to live somewhere where I could bring my snake and bird. So, somewhere without candles burning, nonstick cookeware, etc.

Not sure I can register either pet as an ESA while having a service dog, unless I was training another dog. That's obviously different.

I'm most worried about the bird. The snake is loving but not easily offended.

 

[littleoc]

If I can't move out right away, my mom did offer to help me buy a car.

I could clean out the room I'm living in and the rooms I need to function on a basic level, and try to get out frequently, if needed.

 

[Changing4Best]

OK, all of those things are a good start. Pick one and work on it this week. OK?

 

[littleoc]

OK, all of those things are a good start. Pick one and work on it this week. OK?

I will do my best.

Thank you for your support :)

 

[Freida]

I'm confused about how to handle it.

You don't have to handle it. This is your mom's issue. She needs to handle it

My family used my mom as leverage to make me do things when I was a kid. I wonder if that's effecting things.

you
Ya think????:hug: .Yep this may be a big part of why you feel so responsible.....you were trained to be.

Maybe if it gets clean I could view this situation better, or maybe if I just didn't live here I could.

Good girl!!

I agree that picking one thing that helps you move forward to work on this week is a great idea!

 

[littleoc]

Well, I signed some paperwork that will allow me to live in the university (I always type down the full university name, and then remember that I don't want to share that here, lol). I do officially have the job now (I was sure I did before but I didn't want to get disappointed with bad news) and I will be getting a small apartment in a dorm hall, which means my neighbors will be young adults I can help keep an eye on -- I'll cook in the community kitchen to help in getting to know them, like the two years before that -- should be nice even though I don't have a car.

I'm fixing up my bike and getting a trailer for my service dog so hopefully that'll work pretty well.

My mom told me she wants to buy me a cheap car so maybe that would help.

I'm freezing up because I love this cat I'm friends with, and my other cat likes her kitty litter changed daily but I'm the only one who does the cat's liter. I don't want to abandon her.

Also I care the most about the outdoor cat we have. He's sitting next to me on the couch (also known as the place I eat dinner because the table is covered in a mountain of junk) and I don't want to leave him.

But I will be away during the summer and I've done it before, which I know will make me more sensitive to clutter when I come back, as always. I'm tired of having anxiety/OCD attacks when I come home after doing things. I hate this house so much. But I would like it if it were clean.

But I got the housing. My mother had to do my taxes, though, so maybe I'm not that independent yet...?

 

[Freida]

Wow. This almost made me cry. You are so very, very brave and I am so proud of you.

 

[littleoc]

This almost made me cry.

Don't cry! D:

But thank you <3

I hope to use money from the job to put money into a car to help me be freer. I'm still scared of them but my mom pointed out that the fact that I'm willing to ride a boy's bike (I got the bike when I was 18, so I was a little shorter still) on the actual highway should be enough proof that I'm going to be fine in a car.

To be fair, I haven't ridden on the highway yet -- though I have walked on it and crossed it many times.

One time I stopped traffic (with the help of a nice citizen who put his hazards on so I could do this safely) in the middle of that highway to save a snapping turtle who was half my size -- and then carried her home (about a mile walk from there into the woods). I managed to not lose any limbs somehow. Her aligator tail was attached to me and she was more afraid of cars than of me at that point, and by the time we got to my home and I could put her somewhere quiet, she was fine with me petting her and offering her a snack.

She was not okay with my neighbor and threatened with an open mouth.

My mom tells me if I can survive my father and carrying a snapping turtle who could have bitten off my head for a mile and still be who I am and alive, I can probably do anything.

I think everyone should look at little things they've done and try to remember that you'll surprise yourself with what you can do when you're scared.

Hopefully this works out.

 

[Changing4Best]

I rescued a snapping turtle once too, as well as a box turtle. I did these things ages ago. I just remember them vaguely. Anyway, I am happy to hear of all the developments in your escape plan, you go girl!

I forget if I mentioned, but my sister's house is like your mom's. Nowhere to sit, nowhere to eat, you have to make a place to do so, and the next time you look, it will be filled again, 5 feet tall! Yup. BTDT. I can totally relate to so much of what you have written here @littleoc

 

[LuckiLee]

So happy for you @littleoc. You are a very strong and kind soul. And your Mom is right. You CAN do anything you put your mind to.

You're doing amazing things. Be proud!