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I did a walk today for an hour in the sun. It was cool and refreshing. I was low down but felt better after. It helps me work out things in my mind. Today was the first day I saw tiny green buds on the trees. Yay!

Talking for 25 years gave me intellectual understanding of me and the human condition only. It did nothing for the inside of me, nothing to change my system's dysregulation. Body work like Somatic Experiencing is helping me. When I had no joy in my life, I was depressed. I didn't feel anything...

Ach. Triggered by a text first thing. I did some visualizations. Will walk. It's sunny. Text brought up anger and resentment. I wish I could have the global forgiveness thing going on, but this is still a live wire inside. More ach. Hugs to all. It's a new day.

He shouldn't be telling you his physical symptoms. He should be aware if he is empathically experiencing your physical state, but be centering himself without comment IMO. If you are worried about him in a situation where clearly the focus should be on you, you need to look at your behavior. Do...

Feeling good, warm and safe. Back from app't with new Somatic T. She is great. Talked about allowing the blocked frozen energy to feel spaciousness of adult body. (I had been focusing on pain and froze parts in meditation.) Discharged some trauma energy. Happy. Hungry. Hugs to all.

When a person is young, I think friends come and go more often because everyone changes so much. I think a person is super lucky to find a couple real friends thru thick and thin. For me, it took a long time to realize I was unconsciously drawn to the dynamic in people which I had with my...

I agree with @joeygn72 - take care of you. That's the best thing you can do for you, and your parents who sound like they can't do much for you at the moment. You cannot save their marriage. They have free will to do what they choose. If anyone I love is depressed, the best I can do is say I...

I had them for years. Total drag. Sleeping in sweat pants and sweat shirt kept me dry. They wick away the sweat. No meds helped me. They went with my night terrors and nightmares and I don't much get them anymore. They won't last forever.

My body is on high alert every night until dawn. Then I can sleep. The fact that you have weapons at hand would suggest you are also in a mode of hyper vigilance and your body is anticipating danger. I believe my body changed its rhythms long, long ago during four plus years of daily terror. It...

PTSD never made me do anything violent to anyone. If I did act like a jerk, I took responsibility for my actions. You being the problem sounds pretty lame, and b.s. The new one will be "the problem" some day. I wish you hadn't protected him from charges. He will keep getting away with abusive...

Yay Gizmo! I am so happy for you. Karma for sure.

Ugh. Sick as a dog with over acute senses - smell, sound, sight - everything. Have to seclude myself and do nothing. I wonder if this has to do with seeing new T Tuesday. Got sick last week and cancelled. Felt better. Getting sick again. Like a walking human migraine. Release damn energy...

As long as it was buried, you couldn't feel it. Trauma changed your chemistry. You can't control that by will power anymore than you can think your way out of high blood pressure. Although meditation helps. I began having a lot of physical pain when I kept the past buried. Then I had to deal...

@open eyes - wouldn't it be great if there was a key back in to reboot? I think there is but it is different for everyone. I spent years doing variations on what you did. The worst was when I was 30. I watched home movies I hadn't seen since I was 12. OMG! Six months of indescribable despair...

Some part of you may be trying to discharge the trauma energies that were not released at the time so you can reboot your system and have relief from symptoms at last. Whatever you do, try to be safe doing it.

I love that @Hope4Now. I like that poet, and I LOVE my life now versus before 50. For me, it has become easier, and I look at the world again with some of the wonder I had as a child. Hallelujah indeed!

70 degrees Friday. A perfect day for a walk. Thursday did a good hour walk and realized I tend to walk with my torso forward like I'm trying to get away from bottom half when I am having a rough day. Consciously changed posture and felt better. Listened to a big mix including Flowers on the...

Feelings are not facts. And in this case, oh boy are they not facts!!! Don't believe the lies. Ask yourself exactly why you are trash. What did you do. Then ask is it really honestly true that you are garbage. Is it really true that you are not valuable. Is it possible that someone else is...

Hello! I took meds that pretty much stabilized me for 25 years (and numbed me too). The last five years I took them, they stopped working so well. Boy did the feelings come flooding back. Because they stopped being effective, I slowly came off them completely. It is a different world. Now I...

I love what @yoshixvx said - it's not about getting rid of the anger. We are human and cannot help but have human emotions and human responses. Anger is important. It can tell me many things - like when something is not right, maybe someone is being abusive towards me, maybe there is...

It helps me to work out every day. It gets rid of a build up of stress hormones. So often we with PTSD have high cortisol and adrenalin living their merry little lives from back in the day but flooding us in the here and now. Workouts change chemistry and discharge energy so that when...

Anyone who denies my reality. Ahhhh!

I drank in high school and it spiraled so quickly I quit very young. But I never changed how I dealt with life, learned new coping mechanisms, or had the correct diagnosis of PTSD and effective treatment for years so going on the wagon was just torture. Eventually I picked up a painkiller...

Why don't you bring it up? This is just what your T needs to hear so she can work on your trauma with you. We hold trauma energy undischarged in our bodies. This I would think would be super important to discuss. You can still remain in that position even though you tell your T, and only move...

What was your childhood like? Alcoholic parent by any chance? Abuse and/or neglect? Childhood is when we learn to value ourselves based on how we are valued by those who purportedly love and care for us. If we learn by experience we are of little value, that is what will always feel like home...