What Kind Of Lookout Shall I Have In Life When... ??

[franciemarnie]

When a person is young, I think friends come and go more often because everyone changes so much.

I think a person is super lucky to find a couple real friends thru thick and thin.

For me, it took a long time to realize I was unconsciously drawn to the dynamic in people which I had with my family growing up. So I was drawn to people who were abusive or who only cared for me when it was convenient or who were all about themselves and only liked me when I was devoted to them. If I had problems, forget it. So I have focused on healing myself so I will be attracted to healthy people. It has worked, but good friends are hard to find.

I know how it hurts though.

 

[Nebulustrix]

I learned very early in life that people, places, things, etc all come and go. It is important that we do not let our personal happiness hinge on the presence and consistency of anything "temporal".

Friendship is one of those things that changes and evolves with time. People grow and change and move on to different things. We build new friendships and then let go of those same friendships as we grow apart, building new friendships with new people, and so on. Perhaps having one consistent and stable friend is not so important as consistently having stable friendships. There is a big difference!

I grew up in the military. I got very used to moving an average of every two years. I learned quickly how to make and severe attachements to the people and things around me without it bothering me too much. In all my time, all the places I've lived, all the friendships I've formed, the only relationships that have remained from start to now have been those with my parents and siblings, and even those relationships have evolved and taken different shape and form as I've grown and changed.

I have gone through periods where I've felt like I have nobody to confide in and nobody to rely on - going through a period like that right now - but as I make my best effort to reach out to people around me and be there for them when they are struggling, I find myself building and rebuilding friendships and letting go of connections that are no longer healthy or holding me back from the growth I seek for myself. And while I may not have one person with whom I feel I can talk to and confide anything and everything in, I do have someone I can rely on for this and someone else for that and for the things I just don't have anybody for I've figured out how to take care of myself.

I think that is the key - learning how to take care of ourselves, and then build the relationships that allow us to continue taking care of ourselves as we strive to be a kind friend and support to others also striving to take care of themselves. We all have weaknesses and imperfections that make us unreliable, but we are all striving to become better. We must recognize that we are responsible for our own health and happiness and that it is okay for the things around us to change and even for ourselves to change as we all try to make ourselves stronger and better people.

 

[lovenbliss]

I think like any material thing in this world, it's not in the nature of friendship to last forever. My advice is never start with an idea about anything (friendship or your TV etc) that it'll last forever.

 

[reallydown]

Hi Jess, all I can say is, I recently had similar experiences. Two close friendships ended...and while I know perfectly well that things change, people move on etc. I really thought these would last a lot longer...And like you, I keep wondering if it's me...and, in my case, it probably is me and my ptsd that's part of the issue...I guess I'm "too negative" for some, though there are other reasons why this ended so suddenly...and in my opinion, it's a silly reason that should never bust up real friendship...and while on my side, I felt they were real, or at least solid, it seems the other parties, despite claiming the same, didn't actually feel the same. And that can seriously mess with someone. Also, you seem like a very nice person and sometimes it seems the nicer people are, the more others feel entitled to treat them like crap. Most don't realize how lucky they are to have someone like that in their life. Anyway, just wanted to offer words of support.