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For me, I dreaded being female because in my framework growing up, males don't get sexualized. They don't get raped, they can't get pregnant from rape, they are physically stronger/bigger than women typically. So when I was a teenager, I felt a sense of envy for that. But I grew to hate and fear...

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I'm so sorry 💔 I'll pray for them.

Funny, I have dyscalculia so I hate math and numbers but I have a lot of associations with numbers. Like when I see 9:09 on the clock, I think of my son because that's what time he was born. I have a number, my brother has a number, my husband always sees 1107 everywhere. If you tell me a...

What a great quote

I worry my oversharing on this forum will allow others to find me and connect that this account is mine.

Thank you very much

My natural state is couch potato, however I feel it when I don't workout. My body is stiff and tense, I have a knot in my lower back, my mind doesn't focus and it's like foggy, etc. So really what motivates me is wanting to feel better. I never went back to pre-pregnancy weight and I'm a little...

Hey nothing wrong with distraction. I've been going through a rough time lately as well and it's been a lot of TV in between active processing (talking, writing, painting). I think sometimes the pressure to relax can stress you out. One thing I do if I'm really bad is stay up really late...

That's definitely true. I have done a ten minute one an hour or two before bed and then couldn't fall asleep. However, if you do it as you're going to sleep you may find it ushers you into a full deep sleep. At least that's what happens with me!

I totally get that. When you're overwhelmed, all the things that'd help you feel out of reach, forgotten, unnatural. I love using yoga nidra as a power nap, but it also helps me go to sleep if I can't sleep. I've used a long one and feel asleep before it was over. Maybe try it again?

When I can't sleep or can't calm down, I do yoga nidra meditation. You'd be amazed. Just look one up on YouTube. There's short ten minutes ones and hour long ones. Even a short one is enough to reset your nervous system. Tea yes, but specifically chamomile or chamomile/lavender. That relaxes...

Pop that one onto the cognitive distortions thread. That isn't true, but it may feel that way.

Yeah probably, compounded with stress and drugs. I took morphine and fentanyl each once, and I took Percocet and oxycodone back to back.

Yes totally. I did research beforehand but didn't know exactly how they would do it. But then when I'm sitting there and the nurse is explaining everything I just felt like totally unable to comprehend what she was saying. Maybe it was her communication style or maybe the oxycodone was affecting...

I'm curious to know what of this week is going to be long lasting trauma, especially medically speaking. It's far too early to tell if my trauma was triggered or if I was retraumatized. I have a lot of support and I feel I can process everything with writing and painting. I know the d&c...

That's an interesting idea. Feel free to circle back on those ideas either here or on my diary anytime.

Yeah it's one of those things where there are no words but I know people mean well so I don't mind

I grew up on a farm so I raised in a way that made me understand death is a part of the circle of life. When death happens, it relieves suffering and is often a better outcome for the one that passes. But then I had a miscarriage this week, of a baby that I carried for fifteen weeks but that...

Thank you 💔 That's really interesting what you said about Asian culture rituals with unborn babies. I will look into it! It's so true that it's a silent horror. I know many women who had miscarriages and I was aware that it's common, natural, and horrible but I definitely didn't understand the...

I ordered a necklace with a November birthstone as a way to honor this baby. Some moms do the due date but that seemed weird because the baby never saw anywhere near their due date. They technically died in October but I don't know when and I didn't know so I commemorate November instead. That's...

The grief finally started to hit today. I feel like my heart is broken in a way it never has been before. Nothing I've ever experienced compares to this. I was a morgue for this baby for weeks... over a month ... and I had no idea. I wanted a d&c so bad, but the medical system thinks it's...

That's why it was an exceptionally traumatizing week 😂😂😂 Thanks

I had an exceptionally traumatizing week. I was 15 weeks pregnant and very happy and excited to be pregnant, I had told everyone. On Monday morning at 3am I went to the ER for severe bleeding and cramping. We were there until 8am. While there I had severe labor contractions, I was in so much...

Hi welcome! Sorry you have reason to be here. This forum is amazing, hope you find the support and resources you need.