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Hi May, My supporter has provided me the motivation and support that made me stick with the VA until I encountered a therapist (clinical psychologist) I bonded with and participated in the best programs the VA offered. I started therapy with the VA in 1984, went through a half dozen therapists...

The process of becoming aware of our triggers is so central in the process of learning to live with ptsd. It is the step that allows us to begin to feel control of our behavior. Before we become aware (or mindful) of our triggers, a feeling just seems to come out of nowhere and overwhelm us...

Amongst other things, my father was very sarcastic and loved to tease kids, loved to use us for his entertainment. To this day (I am 65 now) I still have trouble receiving positive feedback from adults. It triggers the feeling I'm being set up again, makes me very uncomfortable and wanting to...

Hey black dove, welcome. Feeling disgusted with ourselves, angry and ashamed is pretty normal with PTSD. You did a nic job of opening up. Talking about stuff in a safe environment is a healthy start. As for our memory, I used to describe mine as memory spikes which were not necessarily in...

Welcome Jimmy joe. I think we have at least three people going at any given time. One is the logical, detached person who runs the show when our mind is off wandering. One is the more or less normal person with current needs based on the current situation. And one is the traumatized person...

I am thankful for my current wife who provided the support and motivation for me to learn to manage my symptoms instead of continuing to act them out. I am thankful for the VA mental health professionals, especially my clinical psychologist at the Detroit VA and the wonderful professionals at...

Anger turned inward is depression. You still have your anger, you're just turning it on yourself. I used to do that. One time I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub cutting one wrist, watching the blood going down the drain when I suddenly got mad at THEM and the feeling it should be their...

Welcome home Jim :) Ted old infantry guy too

When we look back at things that have happened, it is easy to downplay how we felt at the time things were happening. After all, it didn't happen to us (you just watched your mom) and we didn't die so we probably weren't really in all that much danger. My first seven years home from Vietnam I...

Chaz, the challenge is to achieve that mix of medication and therapy that allows you to learn to live better with your ptsd symptoms. That mix changes as you become better at managing your ptsd symptoms. Sleep, getting out of the sleep deprivation state, is very important, so if that is a...

Hey Chaz, welcome home :) This is a good place to chat about stuff that comes up, and chatting is a good start. Ted (Vietnam, Desert Storm, 100% T&P)

PTSD has layers and layers and layers of defenses and interpetations of traumatic stuff and related things we have developed to protect ourselves from thoughts and feelings we couldn't deal with at the time of needed to rearrange. As we work on each layer in a safe, therapudic environment...

The process of forgiveness involves a shift of focus, as does the process of not thinking of yourself as a victum. The shift is learning to view things in terms of your current needs, as opposed to the emotional needs driven by the intense feelings of being unfairly traumatized. In the process...

Way to go! I hope it works for you. When I was removed from the workplace I went through testing with voc rehab at the VA. The tests said counseling was appropriate so I started a program toward a limited license (masters) in psychology (psychology was my undergraduate major). My therapist...

Hey Tim, welcome. I was medically retired in 2001 with 19 and a half years, including Vietnam and Desert Storm. The process only took around 4 months once I agreed to cooperate. Sorry to hear about your Dad. They have learned a lot about ptsd from Vietnam vets. Take advantage of everything...

Panic is about the fear of losing control ... again. It is a terrible feeling. I used to leave work and drive from rest stop to rest stop, hundreds of miles, stopping to let the waves of emotion wash over me, doing it over and over until I felt able to return to work, or home. Most were only...

I think trust and forgiveness and esteem are bound together and the real issues are self-trust and self-forgiveness and self-esteem. In surviving hostile situations and living out the ptsd symptoms that followed, I came to not trust my own behavior and to think I was a pretty terrible person...

Self talk and checking stuff out is how I handle the feeling of bugs crawling around on me. I remind myself the feeling is probably an anxiety thing and lightly scratch the area just to make sure there is no real bug there. Then I either go back to what I was doing or, if the feeling is really...

"Go lightly from my window, leave at your own chosen speed. I'm not the one you want, Babe, I'm not the one you need." Bob Dylan. Before a lot of therapy, relationships made me very anxious, and the closer the relationship became, the more anxious I became. At some point I would start...

Ah, that good ol' stinking thinking! Made me think of the Moody Blues lyrics (probably terribly misquoted) "When you stop and think about it, and see the things you do, you find all this love you're giving is only ment for you." I loved the Moody Blues during one phase of learning to live with...

Hi Vette, Welcome. The VA's a good thing, but they're way overloaded. I've been involved with them for ptsd since the 80s (Vietnam stuff). They are an excellent resource but you have to co-manage your own case and do some research to really take advantage of what the potentially offer. Ted

Good therapy requires a therapeutic alliance between you and a trained professional. It doesn't sound to me like you're doing your part right now. Like most of us, you're wishing for that "good fairy" that will wave their magic wand and make our emotional world right, almost like going to a...