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I'm with you on that! LOL

--- "what was expected and deserved". When I read this, it brought tears to my eyes. I can clearly remember sitting on the floor in my room, very young, and telling myself "so this is what my life is going to be like". Sad.

I can understand your confusion. For the longest time, I didn't even know the word. When it was explained to me, it helped me understand why all my memories - that I can remember - are from the 3rd person. I was not able to handle what was happening, so I just "left". I would focus on a point...

What happened to you is "verification" that it happened. This is not something that would happen to a person who had not been traumatized. Reassure yourself that you are not making this up. Hugs to you for enduring it.

I have found old photos of myself also. Most of them are from family vacations and at BBQ's at other peoples houses. I really started looking hard at my own expressions...wow! What I saw in one, I started looking for in all of them - Anger! Fury! I was one angry kid!! No wonder I was such a...

That's close to my reason also. Easy to remember. Yet, simple.

I'm glad that I found this subject as a thread. I have often thought of throwing out my journal. (I had a T tell me that I "should start one". I didn't have the heart to tell her that I can take her back over 40 years in mine!) It may sound funny, but I have held on to mine for my other...

Sounds are my worst problem. I am so aware of creaky floors and noises in the hallway out side my room. Over the years, mine has gotten worse.

I walk. Sometime in the rain. It clears my mind, and the exercise will help with the tension. This also gives me a safe place to feel or to cry if I need to.

I want to be sure and welcome you to the forum. We're all here helping ourselves, and sharing support with you.

Sweetleaf, thanks for saying that the way you did. I have memories of being in the shower with my dad also. I avoided the shower for years and would only take baths. I'm still nervous when taking a shower, even now. I always lock the door, and I'm always on red alert for noises.

I don't know if this will help you any, but my dissociation was easier for me to understand when I was told how much it helped me when I was a child. The "child's mind" can't handle what is going on and has no chance of "excaping" the situation. That's when my dissociation kicked in. I have...

I can really relate to this. When "it" happened. I got up the next morning to this problem. Forever after that, every time I had a period, the memory feelings would come back - with a vengeance. It took me quite a few years to fully understand why my monthly cycle bothered me. Then when I did...

I can hear/feel my heart beating hard. My eyes pop open, then I have to look around the room quickly to reassure myself that it was just a dream. I have to lay there telling myself over and over again, "it was just a dream. you're all right, you're all right". Then sometimes I get up to just...

Why don't you find some "thing" to take with you. Something small that you can have with you all the time? It might give you some comfort to know that no matter where you go, you will always have "it" to take with you--like a common thing for anywhere. A small worry stone you can keep in your...

I used to have bunnies when I was younger. I had a white one named "Abilgale" and then a few years later, I got one much larger and named her "Eilean". Both loved to be snuggled. Happy "snuggling". :) I have always found my pets to be my best companians. They seem to understand my pain, and...

Way back when I told my family, they all got angry at me. I just pretend it doesn't exist when I'm around them. I told my husband once, before we got married. He still married me--but I think he would have said "no" if he knew what it involved. I don't talk to him about it at all. I just use my...

Disassociation.

No, not yet. I haven't been able to find a T. I've been looking and interviewing some. However, most want to charge me a full time price just to meet them. (I actually told one of them that "it will cost me $60 to say "hello", even if I never see you again"?) She said "yes". I said "no thanks"...

I went to a woman's crisis center. I went thru one 10 day "class" with about 5 other people. Then they just told me that "they can't help me". They just basically walked me to the door and put me out. No help. No guidance. No advice. Nothing. I sat in the car and cried for two hours. Some...

I did this too. I even went back and added some photos of myself at the different ages. I found it a very learning experience. I can really see the changes in myself as the years went by. Some years good, other years bad - then some...worse.

There is nothing wrong with rocking. I married into a family where almost everyone rocks! LOL I don't know if it is a genetic thing or what. Just remember that you are not alone. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Is there a YouTube of it? I "might" try it at home - to see how it feels, before I go into a room with other people.

Teddy bears!

I had been abused from the beginning of life. I was very young and never learned that I could have left. So, even when I grew up and was old enough to leave, I didn't. :(