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@Changing4Best I'm sorry to hear about your dyslexia. Teachers can be very mean without even realizing it sometimes. When our school teachers don't fully understand our LD this can create a huge problem within our student-teacher relationship and beyond. I always felt as though I were a huge...

Thanks. My teacher was unknowingly harming me, for sure, when not much was known about aphasia. I often felt ashamed and embarrassed when making errors in class yet there was nothing I could do to remedy this situation. Often my palms would sweat and I'd be unable to catch my breath when reading...

I often do this same thing that you're describing though preferably with more organic shapes. Creating these designs within ones imagination is often very entertaining. Your tile floor pattern or almost anything with a varied pattern will work. This type of imagining always leads me away from...

When I was a child, TV was mostly a sitcom of pretending, just as it is now. Anything could have happened on TV and when mesmerized at 9 or 10 more pretending just happens. And it's fun, as long as it's not a scary movie. I haven't yet the mental maturity to convince myself that scary movies...

After months of isolation with little more than art and music to fill the void -- I'm now wondering why I unintentionally and repeatedly perform a seemingly meaningless mental exercise of drawing imaginary diagonal lines across my bedroom walls. Boredom perhaps. Yet I've been doing this simple...

@Libs40 I'm not exactly homebound though, I still rarely go anywhere other than to buy necessities about every other week. Yet, I can relate to your trauma regarding your brother's violence, as I've experienced being violently and physically attacked by my brother, as well. From about age 4, he...

Again, my PCP recently asked me to seek therapy …so I explained why talk therapy no longer helps me. I then asked her, if, she knew who had diagnosed me with PTSD in 2018. She said she didn't know. Really Is this possible? The following day, my PCP had apparently removed this PTSD diagnosis...

I'm glad that you've been able to freely accept your feelings and emotions at least some of the time. These experiences would give you a much deeper understanding of yourself. I still have this frightening chaotic and overwhelming emotions residing within myself and I don't even know why. as...

@Powder Yes, my fear of loss of self-control might be the major issue. I feel as if, my emotions are too strong, frightening and overwhelming and far greater than my ability to control them. And so, I don't trust myself to be able to control them. .

@Powder I will agree that traditional talk therapy isn't likely to work for me anymore. Something has not been right with me for a very long time. Then too, it has taken me many years to realize this. Massage therapy would drive me up the wall as if, that person's touch had been a chalkboard...

@joeylittle Yesterday, I suddenly realized that I might have one specific trauma memory to possibly work on. I wrote about this trauma experience yesterday in this thread. While describing my trauma memory, I noticed that there had been a brief moment when I had questioned my perceptions and...

@Justmehere This PCP has been my doctor for the past 20 years. Though our conversations have been brief we do talk more at length now that before. I suspect too that she might checking my cognitive functioning, as I'm age 73. Although one tumor was removed, I know that I have two more smaller...

I'm daily life aside from my depression and irregular sleep pattern is okay. I haven't taken any drugs since 1978. I was on Valium during my first 4 years of talk therapy then on an anti-depressants until 1978. The anti-depressants never seems to help. I filled out a mental health...

@joeylittle In 2019, I did have an interview with a psychologist then, a psychiatrist a few weeks later. The psychiatrist said that she knew of no drug that could help me. Then said I should seek an older Ph.D for therapy and that EMDR wouldn't help. Lastly she said, "Are you sure you really...

@Justmehere My PCP knows that I'm too anatomically small to have been sexually assaulted abused ....not by any usual means. Other doctors might have noticed this as well. I haven't had intercourse since age 27. Changes occur. In February 2019, I was interviewed by a psychologist then, a...

I was quite surprised to see this diagnosis of PTSD in my medical records. Before this 2018 diagnosis I hadn't been in therapy nor had I been psychologically interviewed since 2001 or 2002. My brain surgeon, rehab doctor and PCP had advised me to get more therapy in 2018. My PCP is still...

@joeylittle My brain surgery removed a benign tumor/cyst from my cerebellum in 2018. It was blocking my CSF and had resulting in a coma that lasting several hours. My first scan was in 2014 due to vertigo (ear infection). That's when they discovered this rare, slow growing tumor. I was told...

In regards to my CSA, family secrets, their silence and isolation. I only began to realize my CSA after 4 years of therapy. I was living in denial until age 24. When I then first mentioned my CSA to my mother, she tried to explain that, my father has only been sleep-walking in the nude that...

@Vince1978 Welcome to the forum. I am sure that you will find many others here, who also feel your pain of childhood abuse and your current loneliness. You are certainly not alone with these painful feelings ...not here.

@Spokesperson brave To me, having an orgasm seems as if it would be a matter of 'life or death.' And of course, I would survive an orgasm. Yes, the problem is that, my brain is still attempting to keep me alive, even though, the trauma event is no longer happening. If only vigilance and...

@Friday The T who told me, "That was your father molesting you" wanted me to then also create false memories of molestation since I had no memory of childhood molestation. She might have also been leading me while I was under, who knows and I was already confused enough. This therapy occurred...

Perhaps, some PTSD suffers can relate. My sexual feelings never did have anything to do with my boyfriend's physical presence. The 'here and now experience' just felt too unsafe. This I always tried to hide. However when I was alone, after age 24, I could feel somewhat sexually aroused or at...

@airdog I don't think that anyone was trying to sweep anything under the carpet when they wanted to change the subject quickly. If this action have been the basis of a denial, I think, it could have been a denial of victimization though, no one within my family had ever suggested that they'd...

@airdog In regards to what 'might be' related to my yet unknown PTSD trauma source, eight of my family members had briefly mentioned having a somewhat similar experience to my own. So then perhaps, this must be a fairly common human experience. My family seems to have coped with it reasonably...

@airdog Yes definitely. My feelings of isolation run very deep and basically because my therapists haven't yet found the source of my underlying PTSD trauma. I never talked about my uneplainable experiences not until age 42 because I always thought they were just my imagination. I think what...