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This is exactly how I feel at this moment in time, and am having a hard time to believe it is not my fault for having been abused that I have trouble down there.

I have been stewing over going to therapy all week, last week my therapist made me so mad I just want to quit. This I know is the cowards way out because what he said is the truth I just can't bare to hear the truth or to believe it. I am having such a hard time because I don't view myself...

Was it the response I was looking for, no not at all. I was wishing that the person would have been more compassionate and interested in knowing how I was feeling. I knew they wouldn't want to hear details of the abuse, and didn't want to talk about that part as well. I wanted the person to...

So a few days ago I revealed to a family member the fact that I have ptsd and that a sibling had molested me for a number of years. After this I threw up numerous times, and although I haven't yet I have had many thoughts of harming myself. No thoughts of suicide, just thoughts of cutting or...

She Cat, the part about you wondering if that I feel guilty about not telling anyone... I don't know I honestly don't know what I feel, if I feel anything. I have tried for so long to not feel that I don't know when or what I do feel when I do. To not feel or show emotion was to survive and...

I don't have to drive an hour to my therapy appointments, but I do have about a 20 minute drive and usually the drive into the appointments make me more anxious and I just want to get it over with. The drive home on the other hand is a very good way for me to regain my strength/nerves or...

Yes, I get nervous for my therapy sessions still sometimes not as much as others but the butterflies are still there. I also have irritable bowel syndrome, so once the nervousness kicks in so does the unsettled stomach, so I try not to stress to much about the appointments. I have been in...

Yesterday I had a therapy appointment, and once again the dude showed compassion and cared for me and what had happened to me as a child. I don't know why but I get such a weird feeling deep down within me that I can't describe when this happens. It's like I am trying to push the caring and...

There is a part of me deep down within that wants to take back my life. That little nine year old who was abused by her brother, wants to come out and say listen here you piece of shit life. I am ready to end all this ptsd shit. I don't want to be taken advantage of, I am tired of being...

NIKI, that is part of my worries, that if I keep telling my therapist of my attempts and thoughts of suicide, he is going to force me against my will to go into the hospital. I mean how many times can someone hear of oh I thought of doing this, or I wanted to do that to kill/harm myself before...

Well I had an appointment and I could not bring myself to tell the therapist what I wrote above. I guess I am a chicken today... I think he had a sense that I was not disclosing something because he flat out asked me if there was anything else in the past week that had or was bothering me, I...

Even though this weekend was the 4th of July, and I was with family to celebrate I still have had some very troubling thoughts. I was on my way home today and I just had finished a book, in the book one of the main characters dies on the 23rd of July. Now I have this dreadful weird feeling...

Ok I am not suicidal or anything right now, but I am so tired of having thoughts of harming myself or killing myself. Everyday for atleast 3 weeks now I have had thoughts of killing myself everyday. I am so tired and scared of this, I want these thoughts to go away. Granted about 2 weeks...

Well I survived the darn appointment with a different therapist. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, this dude actually put a different perspective on somethings and helped me to see somethings differently. I am still having thoughts of suicide everyday, although no attempts or...

Yes, there is repercussions if I cancel in that I promised I would go or my counselor needs me to go to a hospital for the suicide attempt or needs to call my family and let them know to keep an eye on me that I nearly killed myself and am having trouble. He trusted me to keep the appointment...

I have felt the same way, it's hard for me to talk about anything really let alone ME. I have had a hard time telling my therapist anything about how I feel or felt during the abuse and even now how I feel about it. I have been in therapy with this counselor for 6 months or so and I find as...

Due to me admitting I had been close to committing suicide at my therapy session last week, I have another appointment tomorrow. My regular pscychologist is out so I have an appointment with someone else and I am so nervous and anxious. I do not want to go at all. Beings I admitted to the...

GDF, I like your analogy of the jigsaw puzzle.

I still can't get over the fact that someone on this damn earth cares for me. I know my family does, but their family and even then I have my doubts sometimes though. Today I had a therapy session it had been a very tough week and I had thought and was at the verge of commiting suicide a few...

What is the point of a no-suicide contract? I mean I know what the point is, to prevent suicide but how is that suppose to help anything? I guess I don't really see the point, maybe if one is at the brink of suicide it would help. I guess I don't have the experience of working with one I...

I have the same advice as most everyone else on this post, is take calcium and a multivitamin supplement. This has helped me tremendously.

It must be a thing of ptsd because I find myself doing this all the time. I apologize for EVERYTHING, I think sometimes people get annoyed at me for doing this and then I apologize for annoying them!

How can I get inpatient or more outpatient treatment? Well I guess the issue is if one doesn't have insurance can you still be admitted, and then just end up paying the hospital the outrageous bill? I sometimes think going for this would really help me, but as I have posted on other threads...

Why does ptsd have to raise a person's emotions so much? At the middle to end of last week I was so distraught and having just a horrible horrible week, I wanted to kill myself, and now I am back to a baseline calm almost normal state for me. I was having so many bad emotions and thoughts I...

My therapist says this is because your mind is stuck at a younger age, usually around the age you were when your trauma happened. Your mind relates to that age, and is mentally still at that age because your mind couldn't process that trauma and move on therefore you relate to younger people...