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Constant flashbacks... Some more vivid than others .... Panic attacks... Doesn't matter where I go, I'm triggered by something or someone. I feel so helpless to stop them when they are constant. I'm a little desperate to make them stop so I'm cutting to get some relief.

I picked up a few books at the book store recently ... The 1st one is titled Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Catherine Pittman and Elizabeth Karle. The 2nd one is How to Survive Change You Didn't Ask For by M.J. Ryan. The 1st book so far has been very helpful understanding how the brain works...

Ever since I was attacked (in more ways than one) I have had a lot of problems with anger and rage. It seems that I can go from being irritated to wanting to beat someone into a coma in a split second if I feel threatened. My brain is able to function enough to remind me of that little...

I also just want to add I'm not trying to be judgmental. I always try to take in everything a person says and give my 2 cents. I only hope that it helps bc really that's all I'm trying to do. Figuratively speaking I've died soooooo many times INSIDE. I am definitely NOT the person I used to be...

I will try to respond to this the best way I can .... Not knowing you that well, but also having been where you are a few times. Can you ask yourself questions about the pain like, where is this coming from? Why are your emotions so intense? Which emotion is the worst that you just can't cope...

Sure. No problem. Good luck!

And that is the link that once you click on chat and are waiting in line you can't exit out of that window at all. Or let your phone screen go on sleep mode. You have to keep it on

No .... It doesn't have to be. They are still trained to talk to you about whatever you need to talk about.

I would say God found a way for me to listen and find you on here .... Right?

Hmmm that stinks. I didn't know that would be an issue! It's the web for goodness sake!

Some help is better than none and feeling desperate .... One day at a time right? I know it's hard ... But you can do it!

All you can do is try. The important thing is to KEEP TRYING. Prayer helps too. Sometimes you feel like you need a miracle. God has some of those too if you need it! ;-)

It's online so it's just a matter of typing in the address. I don't think they will trace you. I actually voiced a plan and how I felt the one time I was on it and I didn't have anyone at my door

How are you doing????? Is it helping? I'm glad to hear you found a solution!

I hope you understood the information I posted and got to where you needed to go. Let me know if you have any problems with it! And if all else fails there is always the suicide hotline you can talk to someone on the phone. 1800suicide You need help before you jump off the deep end. Make sure...

It took me FOREVER to get around the web address spam checker and post that to you. For goodness sake. Sorry it took so long!

Oook it won't even let me in the email! So I'll do it this way.... hotline-rainn-org (use "." In place of dashes) And yes it has 2 "n" in the rainn part Another one just to chat if you're feeling the way you do is the suicide chat page. And that is m2-icarol-com. Use "." In place of dashes. I...

If there isn't anyone else to step in, there's always the nearest hospital until they can find temporary placement for around the clock care while you get help for you. I've done that same thing you have ... Taking excess pills to be so out of it /numb out the pain .... All that does is...

Oh how I know exactly how you feel! But understanding and identifying with your situation doesn't change what you're going through. Grief and loss on top of flashbacks/dissociation/nightmares/severe depression and anxiety/detached from the world .... All of it together is more than any one...

I know exactly how that feels! I've been in that same situation! Trying to get someone to help with your kids for as long as it takes for you to be stable seems like the biggest hurdle. And it takes soooo much energy to take care of your kids when you could care less about yourself. I hope that...

In the past not the pasta for goodness sake lol

Definitely been there. I think it's because your mind and body remember unconsciously that something bad happened to you in the pasta be automatically hits the panic button. But the only thing that makes it to your awareness is suicide. I don't know if our brains ever calm down enough to know...

For me, I am partially aware of my surroundings but my mind is actively in a constant cycle of flashback/dissociation mode. The more vivid the memory, the longer the dissociation until my brain feels satisfied that the "off" button has been used long enough. And then another flashback will...

You NEED a BREAK. I don't care what's going on in that job... A family member can step in, someone ELSE from your employment can figure it out! If something were to happen to you today that was out of your control, the employer and client would HAVE TO adapt somehow some way. It is NOT worth...

Ok, that's good. That means you're hurting but you haven't decided. You definitely want help and ask for it, that's also good. Desperation on the other hand can make you feel like no matter how hard you fight, you still fall back into the water drowning in grief. Since it is Friday evening...