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I'm sorry for everything you've been through. It is possible to find someone with your Christian values. My husband was a virgin when we met and we didn't even kiss on the lips until our wedding (his conviction, not really mine, but I respected him). I wasn't exactly a virgin, I did some things...

I don't think so. It made me who I am, strong, resilient, tough. I sometimes consider people with less trauma than me, like people that grew up with stable parents and I get jealous of them but then I see how they can't handle even a tiny hardship without falling apart. What I experienced broke...

I'm very sorry for what you went through that's horrible. You didn't do anything wrong. I know it feels like you did, but that's exactly why you need to push through and go to therapy despite everything you feel. You can get better, I promise. People who have been sexually abused as children...

When I first connected that all my mental struggles were rooted in trauma and also when I was diagnosed it was like a whirlwind. It's quite a journey. I hope you find support here on this forum and I'm sorry you have reason to be here.

I feel you. I don't know what day it is, everyday is just a blur and then it's been months and years like a blink.

I "hear" an inner narrator, that talks all the time pretty much and I visualize everything like a movie. I'd say it's like when you're watching a movie and there's a voice over. But sometimes there's no visual just voice and sometimes only visual and no voice. I also can think in 3D, like I...

I have personality splitting so my inner child can kinda "take over". Acting childish, hiding, crying, wanting to play, or dress in a crazy way. I wouldn't say I really have a good relationship with her though. I feel like I hate her for being weak and helpless. I feel like she gets in the way...

Hi, welcome to the forum. Sorry you have reason to be here. My dad had rage issues and thus verbally and sometimes physically abused my siblings and I (under the guise of discipline). My parents fought a lot, but it was mostly verbal. My mom was actually the one to occasionally throw or break...

COCSA is sad, and terribly tragic for both children, but in my opinion it's neither child's fault. Both don't know any better. I hope you find peace and healing and maybe some therapy.

It's unfortunately very normal. Trying to regain control by making it so you like it. It can be a way to process it. It doesn't mean you did like it, wanted it, or that there's anything wrong with you.

Hi welcome to the forum! Sorry you have reason to be here. I like to hang out in bathrooms and closets both. They were my safe space growing up. But I was also sexually abused in a bathroom, sometimes it's counterintuitive like that. The bathroom was the only room in my home growing up where I...

Yeah I get it, I really do. I would advise not to stop engaging in the past traumas and hypotheticals, but add in grounding yourself about who your partner is, how they behave, that you're triggered and this isn't how they will treat you, you're in a different place and with different people...

I really relate to this. It's hard to let people (that are worth it) actually know you. My husband knows me, almost as well as my mom, but he still doesn't really get it. I have personality splits which cause me to act in different ways according to the situation or triggers etc. He thinks it's...

That one hit dang relatable

Definitely. But some do admit to it.

Can you ask your brother? If he denies it, it doesn't mean it didn't happen but if he confirms it, there's your answer. It's very difficult to figure out. I assume my memories and flashbacks are at least based on true sexual abuse. It's not like I would fake or make up such a thing. But I also...

Yes, I cope using earplugs, dark room, and sunglasses for noise and light sensitivity that comes and goes.

Totally agree, good for you!

That sounds like a lot of fun, but sorry you got sick. Are you frustrated not being able to do what you used to? To Totally agree! I don't do shit I don't like.

I used to hate exercise too. Nothing wrong with just doing movement that you love!

When you're struggling isn't the time to be add something difficult anyways ❤️ I think finding forms of movements and exercise that you love is key. Whenever you want to try it again, you could try making dance be a focus. But you do have to be careful about pain. Exercise doesn't cure...

I like to do YouTube dumbbell workouts at home in my living room. I used to have a very good routine with it, but then I got pregnant, I switched to prenatal yoga. Now I'm getting back to my routine. I love to dance, and jump rope for cardio. Having a solid workout routine really works wonders...

I need more sleep in general, due to not sleeping well, having a baby (my husband takes care of him at night, but I still often wake up), PTSD nonsense, and also postpartum healing. After nights of sleep deprivation, during depression spouts, or after really tough PTSD times (flashbacks, etc)...

Children don't have the means to process it. That's why you find yourself having to now. Also, COCSA is complicated. There's lots of questions of did the child that abused you know better, where did he learn to act like that (oftentimes the abusing child was abused themselves). Sometimes COCSA...

Forgive my typos, I can't seem to edit it. I meant penetrated not generated, and several other typos xD