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It's sounds like you've acquired alot of knowledge re this which is great...I think essentially it's the ultimate goal for everyone... we're all working on it, abuse history or not.... it's really helpful everyone's comments, thank you for your input

Thanks @KayW No. My intention is for my perspective to be heard / listened to. I'm well aware we may get to a 'Let's agree to disagree' point with it, which is fine as long as everyone's been heard. No, not at all. Like I just said, this is about being heard. And me learning to speak up and...

It will come back the more you exercise that muscle... the first step was writing it out and sounding it out here... you've got this 👍

Thank you @Movingforward10

I get alot of what you've written here @Ecdysis ... I recognise that absolute need to hide it all and put energy and effort into looking like it's all ok and you're half sane. Could have written that myself. I also feel writing it out is a good idea. I've used this in session before and imo...

I think the realisation that the work in trying to repair (jointly) could be worth alot in my own journey. That if anything, like others have said, walking away when things are upsetting and messy doesn't do the good work we've done any justice. And that even if I decide I don't want further...

Thanks @Friday .. your post made me laugh out loud 🤣 Ok so I do realise, having listened alot to others on this thread, that when I'm triggered my full blown paranoid state (zombie state!) kicks in and I see everything through that lens ... it's essentially mis trust playing out in real...

I can vouch for this! ctad has a really exhaustive list of self education videos on DDs (it'snot just DID). Including alot of practical suggestions but mainly really good education and discussion. I think it's also the best option for those people who can't get DD specialist therapy (this isn't...

Sorry if I've missed lots of info here... but when I read your post i thought that maybe considering whether you're experiencing symptoms of more severe forms of dissociation could be worth looking into? There is a spectrum of dissociative disorders ... and doing things you don't remember and...

Yeah, honestly steer clear from people professing they know how to teach you all about DID based on their own experience...esp those on YouTube.. it's become almost celebrity like in style.. like the in thing to be... very very annoying and actually not a true account for most who have it...

The fact you have first hand experience makes sense. You, like so many here, have many wise words on the matter... This is so good to hear. . For you..... and for me that someone has done it before me 🤣 I like this I like this idea... although the last major therapeutic rupture was as a...

This is something that many people here have really highlighted, and hearing it again and again really helps hit home... I know in my heart that I can't walk away from this therapy relationship even though everything inside me is shouting to do just that... Thank you for making this point so...

I get what you mean... there's alot of stigma attached and it's a diagnosis which even alot of therapists steer clear of... I was diagnosed with DDNOS (now OSDD) about 7 years ago... I denied it all that time... Amd it's only recently I've allowed myself to look into it with curiosity to find...

This is so incredibly thoughtful of you @Ecdysis - and really helpful. Thank you. It's a very straight to the point article simply written and touches on alot of important things to reflect on. I took this from it immediately (stood out to me): **"Finally, I believe one of the most common...

Thanks both @scout86 and @No More ... really appreciate the time everyone is taking to help me work through this... it's quite astounding the community here... I'll get back in more detail tomorrow ... just about to sleep as I'm exhausted... But I just wanted to make clear there has never...

Thanks @No More Good to hear from this perspective too I agree. It's not that this approach doesn't work for me. I see the value in it for sure. And totally respect it. It allows for less assumptions and isn't hinged on expected sypmtoms and patterns of thinking etc based on a group of people...

. I think you're right I think this also must be right because of the degree to which its upsetting me. So I do see this. Yes Yes. I'm just scared because I feel it's dangerous. But I know everyone's right i need to go back. Again you're on point. Definitely. Once we're through this latest...

Thanks @Movingforward10 ... I'm going to let it settle over the next few days and do exactly this... not gas lighting myself... you're right... this is something we all need to do... right now I feel hurt and so my back is up...I need to let that defense come down and then look at all this...

I do think what he wrote here is true and we've discussed it in session. I'm just not sure what it has to do with me questioning a misunderstanding about cancellation times. I think it's misplaced him talking about me giving therapy up and conclusions to my work. It literally has nothing to do...

Thanks @Movingforward10 For me it seems he's using the apparent compassion and care as a veil for his own frustration that, in his head, I've crossed a line with him in the email (he's irked - clear from his first 'off' email response) and that I haven't replied to that email. It puts me in...

He says he's a trauma expert. I think this is from his own experience of trauma and working in various settings with people who've experienced trauma. His training is in humanistic psychotherapy and he's clear he doesn't agree with diagnoses (gets visibly defensive in session if diagnosis is...

I didn't write an email response to T as I've felt so awful the last few days I thought it better to leave it and rest my head on the matter. T wrote to me this morning. What does anyone make of it? I'm pretty upset by it but then I'm feeling so bad in myself that this is maybe clouding things...

Thank you for your posts @Mina and @scout86 ... I've had a really bad couple of days so just been keeping my head down...I will reply again separate time to what you wrote.. For more something more pressing (below) came up which I'd like to post

Of myself or of him? yep recognise this I think that's what I was trying to do by email because... I think I'd find this very difficult. Saying or asking him to help me. I would just go very quiet and dissociate. But I hear what you're saying. That would be OK and is part of the process...

This is simple for me to remember if we get speaking about it and helpful because I agree. Thank you @Movingforward10