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I currently have a lot of pain in my upper back, not hideous pain just constant interfering discomfort. A lot has happened recently in my life and I really believe this is a body memory that I want to process....but I don't know how to. My abuse (CSA) was never physically violent (that I...

My problems are very intermittent which in a way is great, but it causes problems with therapy and explaining myself to others. Does anyone else have this, and how do you manage it. For example, 2 days ago I had a really bad day and booked a urgent T appointment for today. But today, I'm okay...

I'm seeing my T today and I really want to do trauma work, but I know I'll derail my session again with trivial matters. Just writing this thread makes my heart race, (I assume with fear). Any thoughts? I've been with my T for over a year and she's great but I still struggle with bringing up...

I've always been drawn to the idea of prepping even as a very young child who had no idea what prepping was. For those who don't know, prepping is preparing for surviving events eg hurricanes, meteors etc (the list is endless). I've been learning that there is a link between peppers and...

I've been with my current T for over a year now and I like her and trust her but I keep finding myself hiding and lying to her. They are not big lies, just little softening of truths, and moving out discussions off topics that expose how I truly feel. An example, She asked how I felt about...

I vascilate between feeling that I'm completely "fine" and normal and then, less often, feeling like I am riddled with problems. When I'm "fine" I will justify any signs of not being okay on temporary, minor outside forces. Eg. A minor example... if I don't sleep it's because I had too much...

I went through something big just recently. So big that my GP gave me a few months (and offered to extend it to 12months) off work to emotionally deal with it (and I have no PTSD or other diagnosis). I'm sorry I can't post the details but I'm paranoid about privacy. But I really do want/need to...

How do you know how much (or how often) you dissociate. I'm trying to work this out for myself so I can discuss this further with my T. The one time I KNOW I dissociated, I lost time and ended up in a different location and I would never have done/allowed it if I was "with it" (ie not...

I just rang a new T with the goal of my eldest child to start seeing her. The whole idea has me rattled. I feel like setting up this appointment is publically acknowledging my failure as a parent. The thing is, my eldest (lets call them B) is not a problem child in any way, but my T believes...

In a recent thread it was proposed that for childhood trauma one needs to go through some of the emotions from childhood to get past them. On reading that I realised that I am doing that now with my mother. Right here in this moment I hate her. I feel guilty about that, but it is how I feel...

Last session with my T was intense, good but intense. But....At one point she asked what I was thinking and I said I was struggling to stay present and not disappear into my head and she misinterpreted. She interpreted this as me wanting to distract myself, but I would call it more...

Saw my T today and she kept bringing the conversation back to the question of whether I detach myself from emotions. I told her that I have noticed (she had told me last session to try and notice things) that if I do start to feel then I tell myself to "stop it" and it works well and my emotions...

In my last thread it was so validating to here that others as children had to control their reactions to avoid abuse getting worse. I only have one memory of "fighting back" and it didn't go well. I've always had some self blame because the media states that you should say "no". Well, my...

My sincere apologies if the question triggered anyone. I was reading the recent thread on sociopaths and this question is plaguing me. My second sexual abuser clearly enjoyed dominating me. It wasn't about the sexual aspects it was about the power. The more I displayed any emotion about it...

This is my struggle. Every time I read about emotional neglect and then think about my mother (who preferred denial and the perfect family image over my safety) and I read examples of subtle neglect I can't stop my inner critic saying versions of "well you do similar things too". Then I end up...

I'm very nervous to post this, but I think it's an important step. My first abuser sexually abused me from 6ish and my second abuser started about that time and stopped at 15yrs. My parents knew about the first (he went to jail), but it was never discussed outside of disclosing to them (very...

I'm feeling really low at the moment. My general life stress has increased, job workload has increased and my mum has just been diagnosed with cancer (one with really poor survival rates). I've also been working with my T and learning more about myself and the impact of my CSA (childhood sexual...

The next step in my healing journey seems to be stuck on this point.... That I don't understand the "why" of why being sexually abused as a child is damaging. My second abuser (outside the home) was not violent, he emotionally trapped me and then sexually abused me for years. The level of...

My new T is sooooooo much better than my ex-T (well, at least for me..... and thats what counts!) So today I discussed my parents and their denial of my abuse (mainly my mother) with my new T. My ex-T, after a similar conversation, asked if I had rebelled as a teenager, I said no, she said...

I'm drawn to the idea of art therapy but don't really understand how to go about doing it. I looked thought some older posts on it (thanks @Hashi for the clear instructions on collage). I really like my T and don't want to change her, but I'm wondering if I can do some art therapy at home on my...

Its now been almost a year since I started therapy and I opened up all my issues. I hate it, and most days I wish I never started this process as I feel horrible, my life is falling apart, and I do not see any end in sight. I have gone from a high functioning person who had issues, but with...

I found this quote and really interesting and helpful in understanding my 'shame' feelings. "Researchers such as Dacher Keltner have found that whereas anger often results in fighting and fear often results in fleeing, shame tends to result in submitting and appeasing. Thus, the expression of...

I am struggling at the moment and lots of things are going around my head….but I’ve realised a common theme which is….I really worry that people (like my T) think I’m making this all up. I think this is (at least partly) why I am so sensitive to anything that resembles invalidation. For...

During the decade of my CSA (childhood sexual assault) my cries for help were regular but were either not noticed, ignored, or at worst directly discussed but then dismissed and never referred to again. I learnt to hide everything. When you repeatedly ask for help and the answer is a subtle but...

I was reading Alex's thread today and now I can't stop crying. I didn't want to derail his thread, so I'm posting here. I too was manipulated with money. Even adjusting for inflation, my soul was bought for less than 50 cents. I can still see that shiny coin...its decades ago...I was 7....but I...