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I finally called the employee assistance number to get a referral for someone to talk to. That was hard enough. Now I have to actually call the office to make an appointment. I'm not sure why I'm so afraid. I am brave enough to talk to people that are close to me... but they have done all they...

These nightmares are wearing on me. I just want them to stop. This time around they are about things unrelated to my trauma. Well, they seem unrelated to my awake mind, but I'm sure in the subconscious there's a connection. I stopped bothering to talk about it with people because it's not...

I am afraid of my own messed up thoughts and feelings- I sometimes have scary urges to hurt others. My closest friends are convinced I wouldn't ever abuse anyone or become violent, but I'm still afraid that those urges will become too strong and I'll act on them.

Yesterday I started Effexor after 2 appointments of the doctor trying to convince me to. We'll see how it goes.

I'm not exactly sure where to post this, but I am just having a very PTSD month. A whole lot of symptoms all at the same time, throughout my day (and night) and am having a harder time than usual talking about it with anyone. I just needed to put it out there that I'm feeling real yucky right...

I finally had a talk with my boss about some minor adjustments in my work schedule and environment that would help me succeed there! I have a great boss and we've worked together off and on for 5 years. I was honest about feeling over stressed and that I was getting overwhelmed more often than...

Yesterday I completed my first "Tough Mudder" mud run obstacle course. I went into it injured and nervous that I wasn't prepared well enough. I completed it, though! I did start to have a little freak out at one point- I fell behind my team and started to panic that I was being abandoned and...

I think my headaches and migraines may be linked to my anxiety levels. Not 100% certain but today was a bad headache day AND a bad anxiety day, which got me thinking over the last few bad headaches... Has anyone else found these to be linked in some way?

I do not at all like who I am right now... and I don't want to subject anyone else to the misfortune of having to be around me. And while I know (or at least hope) that at some point I'll get back to being me again, in the mean time this alternate me is making a mess of my life and my...

So, this is embarrassing, but I've got to ask. Has anyone else had bladder issues after being raped? I tried doing some internet research and there are a few studies that suggest a link, but I'm not sure how accurate the studies are. So I'd rather ask other people who are walking this same...

I finally asked my boss if I could switch to 4 longer days of work instead of five days. I was fairly open with him about feeling like I'm getting more mentally unstable and that I need to change something about my work situation but I really don't want it to be changing jobs. I really like my...

My roommate has a little 8 pound dog half the week. (Her and our friend "share" it.) Sometimes I don't mind the company. Sometimes it is soothing to pet or play with the dog. He is very good natured, affectionate, and can be downright snuggly at times. He's helped keep me grounded and been a...

This week I am headed back to where I grew up for the first time in a year and a half. Last time I was there, I had my strongest, most realistic and all-encompassing flashback ever. It included parts of my trauma I had either forgotten or was in such denial about that I hadn't let myself...

Today I was talking to a good friend about how we each deal with feeling overwhelmed or overcrowded. We will both take a break if possible, but then I told her about what happens if I don't feel like I can easily leave without making a scene. I told her I disappear. She asked where I go and I...

Today I woke up with an extra dose of anxiety and physically feeling like the trauma was happening again. And then there was lightning which usually sets off and/or amplifies all kinds of anxiety and memories for me. I got to work (quick service restaurant) and tried to focus on my long list of...

I am finding it increasingly impossible to answer the question "How are you?" I'm most settings. If asked by someone who knows me and knows my story, I generally can give them a fair assessment of my current state. If people kind of know me but not at that level, I can sometimes give a true...

I have noticed that I am constantly on guard against anyone being "too nice" to me. I am not sure that I can tell the difference between someone who genuinely cares and someone who is "grooming" me. I didn't see it coming when I was in high school- I naively thought someone actually cared for...

Any time I receive any unsolicited or unwelcomed physical touch- someone I don't especially feel comfortable with gives me a high five, someone touches my hand when giving me change, tapping me to ask a question- I have to wash that area. Usually it's my hands, which is often simple enough to...

I'm on break at work- and I'm dreading having to go back. I am so anxious today but I still have to work. I have to interact with customers and every time someone walks up to the counter I have to fight the urge to run away. It was a fairly good morning, so I'm not sure why my anxiety is so...