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Thank you :)

@jd9900, thank you so much for your words :joyful: I definitely relate to you because I always feel like things are mostly out of my control, especially with my mother. She always finds a way to destroy me no matter how hard I try to prevent it... Would you care to talk about what you're going...

Hey, I just kinda need to vent right now. I hope you guys don't mind! My mother is effing psychotic. It drives me crazy... and scares me. - This morning had to take my kitten, Oliver, to the vet. All day yesterday she was setting things up for a fight. Just little comments here and there. I...

I am so glad you said this :) I do value all of you and your thoughts.

Thank you all so much for your help! I really appreciate all of your ideas. They helped me to realize that I had actually done a few of those things and didn't realize it! My list is as follows: 1. Took my sister shopping 2. Bought my first ebook and read it. 3. Took a shower at the gym. 4...

So my therapist gave me homework, and I have to come up with five ways to make myself happy that I have never tried before. I have to actually do three of them... I've got nothing. Our session is tomorrow! I'm kind of freaking out. I really, really don't want to disappoint him. I've tried...

So many difficult questions, The Albatross... I don't treat myself the same way I would a friend or family member. If it was anyone else I would suggest all kinds of things and try to get them help, but I just can't do that for myself. As for why I am drawn to this kind of life, it's probably...

This really struck me as important. I have found that I do only want the drama until there are consequences. Several months ago my first therapist had pushed me into seeing a doctor and getting on medication. I felt so much better on the medication, but a couple of weeks in the pills stopped...

What is "The Albatross"?

@Ms Spock, Thank you. I shall try...

@Promicarus, Thank you :) You really ran with this topic, and I appreciate all that you have said. I even printed out your first comment to keep for myself. You're awesome!

@Ms Spock, you made me cry witht this question. I really don't do anything to reassure my kid part as it is. I really hate who I am, and I've been told far too many times that I'm too hard on myself. I really don't even know where to begin to show the child side of me that I care. Do you have...

Now that you mention it, I do think that my therapist lacks the necessary skills... I have been this way for as long as I can remember. Most of my issues began at the age of four and I'm 20 now. @Ms Spock, what influence do you think this has?

@Kas_Can_Fly Thank you for putting words to my thoughts! I definitely fear the "better" things. I'm terrified of being betrayed or losing someone who supposedly loves me.

@BlackbirdSinging YES! I so so so so relate!

@digger1, I definitely feel the same way! I do fear that I can't be fixed. It's scary :( It does seem easier just to believe yourself irreparable and stay stuck like this rather than go through all the pain and hell of trying to recover and find out that you're still a crappy person. As for...

@Ninja The logical/rational part of me wants to be saved, whereas the more childish part of me doesn't. Thank you for asking me that because those desires aren't coming from the same place... I think you are incredibly right. The little kid part of me definitely wants to refuse growth. It's...

@RussH, I appreciate your words. I wish I could be as positive and confident as you. I don't feel like my PTSD can be beaten... I have been like this since I was four years old. I've never known anything else. And even if I were to beat it, I have so many other problems that really are...

So long story short: I'm not getting better, and my therapist suggested that I work with someone else. This really upset me. Over the last few days since that session, I have done a lot of thinking. Unfortunately, it lead me to a very hard truth: I don't want to get better. I want someone to...

Thank you all for all of your constructive comments. I am doing better now. It just took me a while. A few of you suggested this, but it's just not an option. I'm already on my second therapist, and rehashing all my crap with a second person was just awful. I can't do it again. This therapist...

I'm not handling life very well right now. I think my therapist is going to quit on me, and if he does, I don't have any options left. I can't keep living like this. I'm so tired, and I want to die. I can't face another day.

I think it's interesting that people can have such different reactions to the same thing: I cried for the first half hour of that movie and slid into a depression. I liked the rest of the movie though.

Why does everyone always say that?? When I'm really suicidal that saying only makes things worse. It just reminds me that my problems really are permanent.

Just wondering if there's anyone nearby...:peeking:

I want to thank all of you for your kind words! I was a bit worried about signing up here, but you all made me feel really welcome. :) That's an interesting thought... I don't know that I have the inner-strength to do that. I was surprised to read your reactions to my username, and I...