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It wasn’t until my GP wrote me a referral to a therapist and it said “he emotionally, physically and financially abuses her” that I realised that putting me in debt by threatening a meltdown was yet another form of abuse. His PTSD causes feelings. But sufferers choose how they behave. Read...

Lundy is very clear. Abuse is abuse. People can be alcoholics AND abusive. People can have mental health problems AND be abusive. It’s not an excuse or even a reason. Abusers continue to abuse because it WORKS. What you choose to do is, of course, up to you. What I want to get across more than...

“He doesn’t hit me” is not the criterion for determining whether a relationship is abusive. My ex wouldn’t allow me to sleep, or to eat or shower. He manipulated me into taking out numerous loans in my name to buy things he wanted. I told myself it wasn’t abuse because he didn’t hit me. Then he...

I’m sorry you are going through this. He has threatened to kill you and he has punched walls etc. You can stop wondering if he might get violent. He is already violent. This is abuse. So is not letting you sleep. My abusive ex (who also happened to have PTSD - by which I mean PTSD was not the...

Head. Desk.

@Sweetpea76 - you’re awesome! I have so much respect for you! @Blue34 - hugs to you! My only advice is not to make excuses for his behaviour. If he’s being an arse then whether he has ptsd or not he’s being an arse. If your basic needs are not being met in the relationship it doesn’t make you a...

Don’t be too quick to blame everything on ptsd. Maybe he’s a habitual liar. If that’s the case, how do you feel about that?

I spent 5 yrs with a man who’s behaviour was very similar. I was on medication and seeing a therapist and was still suicidal. He has combat PTSD - properly diagnosed and confirmed for medical discharge from the Army. He is also a malignant narcissist with psychopathic features - diagnosed to me...

@Sideways - fingers crossed this weekend brings relief. We are a little disheartened by all the media talk of "the recovery". We aren't ready to talk recovery = we're still under threat!

The plane crash was very near. There are floral tributes in the park in town. Australians certainly feel the weight of the sacrifice made so far from home. RIP. Fires still surround us. We were stuck in Canberra for a few hours on the weekend when they closed the road. We are not out of the...

Yes. We are still - literally - safe within a ring of fire. Milder weather predicted for next week or so which means they can work on containment. Thank you for checking! x

We remain safe. Weather has improved. No Immediate threat. Only 2 months of bushfire season to go...

Closest at the moment is about 30km from us. See attached map. We are in Cooma.

Yes but not expected to reach us. Currently, they are evacuating TO us. It looks like some dear friends of mine will lose their homes. The property I owned with Stuart is under direct threat and I’m so grateful I’m not still there with him as no doubt he would refuse to evacuate and insist I...

Standing in paddock looking back at house in the middle of the day. Tomorrow is the danger day.

For anyone watching the Australian fires - I am safe for now. Fires in all directions but not under threat at this time. Saturday is next danger day. Fingers crossed our luck continues. Photo is my paddock yesterday.

Is he a narcissist? Is he hoovering you?

I found this too. When I started dating again I went the therapy weekly and discussed all my interactions with the men with my therapist. I was worried I wouldn’t see red flags and also worried I would see red flags that weren’t there. Working with my therapist helped me change my expectation...

I could have written this. People on this site tried for a long time to tell me this was not PTSD but something more. I didn’t listen until I realised my life was at risk. Having a loaded rifle pointed at you tends to focus your thinking. I’ve now been told by a friend who is also a psychologist...

Your hurt feeling matter too.

I just want to second the fact that arseholes get ptsd too. I made so many excuses for my ex but finally realised he is an abuser who happens also to have ptsd. Many people on this site tried to tell me that when I was still attributing his abuse to ptsd.

Someone wrote on this site that if your jaw clenches and your stomach turns each evening as you head home then maybe you should think about leaving. I’m so glad I left!

@caligirl03 - I wish I had left when he was “only” threatening violence. I also excused far too much as being “normal” for a combat vet with ptsd. Please do not take this man back. Instead read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. I wish I had read it before things escalated to physical violence.

@ROBERT TALON The information is there already in this thread. I'm on my own property. It is not illegal to carry a knife on my own property. He is more dangerous than me even when he has only his bare hands and I have a knife. I'm not walking my dogs to exercise them. I'm taking them...