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I do not know what is worse: to live or die. But while I live, I can change something (maybe someone else can do it for me)

I can only fall asleep in a state of extreme fatigue

In such situations, I think that this is only a page in the book, in which there will certainly be a happy ending. Then it becomes easier to read this book. When you think that all danger as if not with you, it's just a face, and then everything will be fine.

I don't need to do deadline task for tomorrow

I saw a rescue vehicle with yellow roof lights and it was very frightening and hopeless. I don't know why

I am taking gabapentin, but it seems to me not very successful

I was molested by both parents, starved and otherwise neglected, beaten, and told everything was my fault. Psychiatrists/therapists were used as a form of abuse. They did nothing or blamed me and put me on drugs which slowly killed me inside until I could no longer feel emotion related to desire...