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  1. megalocardia

    Should I look for another therapist or just confront her about how I feel?

    I cannot believe a therapist would say this. Perhaps not everyone feels this way but: it can change how you feel about it, how your body responds to things that remind you about it, etc. I feel like, personally, that's the whole point. To change the negative feelings/emotions/behaviors that stem...
  2. megalocardia

    LSD for healing - but how?

    it feels like a very loose plan with vague directions 😅 but there is a plan! for now it's just EMDR and the usual therapy stuff while we figure this out in between. I'm thankful to be in a safe place so while I am itching to heal as fast as possible, I know I can take my time. Thank you for...
  3. megalocardia

    LSD for healing - but how?

    I didn't have to convince her shes interested already! legality isn't a block bc i can do all the "illegal" stuff (getting it testing it taking it) and my wife can drive me to therapy! we're a ways off from actually utilizing it because shes 100% new to psychedelics but I did some...
  4. megalocardia

    Sufferer hello, new here, seeking community and friendship <3

    hello fellow trans adult survivor! I am glad that we made it 🫂 ECT was not my choice really and it had and still does have memory drawbacks but the depression is just gone! its wild. I play farmrpg! its a text based mobile / browser farming game and the community is really nice. theres chat...
  5. megalocardia

    LSD for healing - but how?

    I have been looking into LSD assisted psychotherapy, because my experiences with LSD allow me to access and speak on my trauma with so little restriction. I keep seeing though that the idea is to be quiet and listen to music with your eyes closed or an eye shade on. I did LSD recreationally this...
  6. megalocardia

    Not sure if this is the right place - Pillow or something to physically replace mother while grieving?

    ok maybe if I could afford one this huge and it had some kind of flaps or "arms" or something but this looks awesome! definitely need something for home-time baby-brain-crisis moments, but it is true that horses are giant and alive and animals tend to be non judgemental so that may be something...
  7. megalocardia

    Not sure if this is the right place - Pillow or something to physically replace mother while grieving?

    Long story short my mother who I barely knew died by suicide when I was 7. I have been in trauma therapy for a bit but there's other trauma (of course) and haven't gotten exactly to grieving her yet, though we've tiptoed on it. It's a very sensitive topic. I put a lot of maternal transference on...
  8. megalocardia

    feeling pretty anxious and scared - Core beliefs, missing one’s therapist, transference, & self soothing

    yes I'm not a good commenter right now because my emotions are not very stable. Thank you for replying. <33
  9. megalocardia

    feeling pretty anxious and scared - Core beliefs, missing one’s therapist, transference, & self soothing

    the term maternal transference? or a different one? It's newish to me too, I've been learning about it slowly since I recognized what was going on in therapy. I really like the book mother hunger by kelly mcdaniel, but I had to read it in little chunks because it could easily overwhelm me.
  10. megalocardia

    feeling pretty anxious and scared - Core beliefs, missing one’s therapist, transference, & self soothing

    thank you for this lighthearted and helpful reply! haha
  11. megalocardia

    feeling pretty anxious and scared - Core beliefs, missing one’s therapist, transference, & self soothing

    I'm so thankful my therapist allows me to email and text between sessions as much as I need, but I do worry about burdening my therapist. She has said she holds her boundaries well and is okay with me doing that, as long as I understand she won't get to it right away (which is more than...
  12. megalocardia

    Childhood Does anyone ever feel embarrassed about being neglected and mistreated as a child?

    I relate greatly, and I also know the feeling can fade. The people who hurt us should feel the shame, not us. But it is hard not to feel it so deeply when it was ingrained so much in our beliefs as children, via actions or otherwise
  13. megalocardia

    Got Preview Copy of Book

    this is awesome, congratulations on a job well done (-:
  14. megalocardia

    In-person visit with my trauma T went well after 1.5 years virtual (-:

    I have gone through a LOT of growth this year - I started college which has been a lifelong dream of mine. It plus working left me in the psych ward (a TERRIBLE one) and learning I couldn't do both. I tried reducing my hours a few times and ultimately quitting my job - the entire time so...
  15. megalocardia

    feeling pretty anxious and scared - Core beliefs, missing one’s therapist, transference, & self soothing

    I am so thankful my therapist is so open and able to work through my transference with her. It's helped so much, and I'm going to bring up reaching the "base wound" to her to see what she thinks about it. I think mine would be similar, unavailable safe adults in my childhood. And I agree about...
  16. megalocardia

    feeling pretty anxious and scared - Core beliefs, missing one’s therapist, transference, & self soothing

    I need to start journaling for myself, I just know it's going to be soooo full of tears/emotions. But they need to come out. I'm thankful my therapist is very willing and accepting of talking about my feelings around her. It feels weird but her nonjudgemental stance makes it easier. I...
  17. megalocardia

    feeling pretty anxious and scared - Core beliefs, missing one’s therapist, transference, & self soothing

    Thank you. I think journaling just for myself would be beneficial. So far I only write updates of my week for my therapist (a habit leftover from dbt diary cards)
  18. megalocardia

    feeling pretty anxious and scared - Core beliefs, missing one’s therapist, transference, & self soothing

    oh wow I didn't know there was a diary function - I'm definitely gonna look for it! I want to use this as a resource more as community is a need I've identified (: thank you for your reply! I ended up finding some light reading on some mental health stuff and calming down. I do feel lucky to be...
  19. megalocardia

    feeling pretty anxious and scared - Core beliefs, missing one’s therapist, transference, & self soothing

    I try to learn about trauma and ways to improve my symptoms, but sometimes this makes it worse ): right now my looking into core beliefs turned into looking into attachment stuff and now I'm triggered and missing my therapist. I am kind of new to this. She is my first long term therapy, I've...
  20. megalocardia

    sense of self dissolving as my wife starts night shifts

    thank you. I know the basic idea of object consistency but haven't explored it much let alone in therapy. I have therapy tomororw and will bring this up. We do leave each other notes. I think me not working and just being alone /so/ much is eating away at me. I feel like a nothing person...
  21. megalocardia

    sense of self dissolving as my wife starts night shifts

    i've always struggled with being alone. it's like for me to do things, even things I enjoy, i need someone to be around to know it's okay. they don't even have to be doing what I'm doing, just nearby and not criticizing me. My wife has recently made a sacrifice to work a night shift stocking job...
  22. megalocardia

    Was I complicit in my own trauma?

    Fear can force our hand to do a lot of things. I don't think you were complicit if you were plagued with fear etc. Emotions (and the chemicals they emit) make actually making choices very hard to impossible. This was not your fault. <3
  23. megalocardia

    Sufferer Hi! I’m new. Looking for support.

    I'm new too (: welcome!
  24. megalocardia

    I need everyone to know about this drug. It's called Auvelity.

    I was on Paxil for 10 years, and in my youth I did a looot of recreational DXM. It was so relaxing and made everything weird (as doing a lot of drugs can do) but it made all the chaos so quiet. Well I was trying to wean off paxil in hopes of doing MDMA assisted therapy one day and my psych...
  25. megalocardia

    What Exercise Did You Do Today

    aw man I need to exercise more. I know how much good even a little would do for me, but emotional hang ups and well, lack of trying coupled with busy-ness. But I did roll the trash to the road today (-:
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