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Isn't funny that the family member that told me this is in the career of therapy ! LOL (scarry- I know, right?)

I can certainly relate to what you say. I have been dealing with my memories, with multiples Demons, for many years. I studied my dysfunctional family and even the earlier dependents of them, just to try and understand. I have read multiple books to help me thru the most tough times. I get so...

Welcome, Naomi. I'm sure you will find friends here - safe ones. Feel free to reach out when you need some comforting words.

I was always considered the "problem child". I even went back into my child doctor notes. My parents were already telling the doctors that I was a "handful" (aren't most children?) However, I also found the note that the doctor wrote. He said that "the parents are very out of touch with the...

"Run for the Roses" by Dan Fogelberg

Charbella, you mentioned a couple of things in your response that caught me. I also forgot my memories for over a decade! Then they came back in a wave. After destroying my marriage, I had to bury them again. I started to "deal" with the memories and feelings a few years after that as they...

I'm so sorry about my misunderstanding.

I can certainly understand not wanting to talk about him. I have the same problem. All of my neices and nephews just loooved there "Papa". He was the world to them. So, I keep quiet about what he did. I'm sure they will read my journal someday, after I pass. It won't be good. I hope they will be...

Another thing I have noticed is that I feel nothing about any of my abusers. I don't feel much of anything-ever. Maybe I'm afraid to feel? The few times any strong memory feeling came to the surface, I ended up in the hospital. I sure don't want to be locked in there again! It was so scary...

Actually, I realized that I have changed - a little. I realized that I had done some things that I had been wanting to do for a long time. He really wasn't stopping me exactly, but inside I must have decided it was okay to go ahead. (I had a couple of tattoos done.) My husband wasn't sure about...

Well, he finally passed away. His inheritance is being equally distributed to me and my siblings. I can't figure out how I feel about him now. In fact, I feel nothing. The money will help pay for some debts. However, I don't seem to feel anything. No excitement. No mourning. I'm kind of lost...

One of the things that I have already done is to buy Her a small teddy bear. Maybe some extra warmth and softness will help the "little me" inside feel some peace, and loved.

The reason I wanted to use the parents and family in my story was because it started when I was so young. I don't remember any happy childhood. The little me was dealing with so much. Much, much more than she could handle - or should have to. I'll try and think of a way to give her the...

I thought about it all weekend, and honestly, I can't find a story-for any of "them". I kept coming back to the idea of getting rescued and getting the patience and understanding of parents and family. However, any of the people that I could think of to "rescue" me are the ones that actually...

I would love your opinion on what my T told me today. She said for me to "write an ending" for each of my "stories ". One that ends the way I want it to. I have never heard of this, what do you think? Should I dare? I know that I will label it as "my fictional endings". ( with my memory the way...

Thank you, Susan. It is good to know that I am not alone. I think the reason that I waited for him to die is so that I could feel like it is all over. That no one can ever hurt me like he did. I once told the "secret", and the family erupted at me and accused me of lying. And of course, He...

Thank you everyone for the thoughts and ideas. I can comment back to a few together: Yes, I have a T - for now. Yes, I have heard of the book "The body keeps score". (of course, I haven't read it yet-scared I guess) --I actually had a quick response for my "get over it" person... I told them...

"One" of my Demons just passed away. I have convinced myself that He was the last one. So, now they are all dead. My family-or some of it- knows about "this" Demon. Now that he is dead, they think that I should just "move on" and "let it go". I don't understand why I can't. In the past I just...

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

Thanks for your soft thoughts, Tinyflame.

Under a stairwell? Hmmm. Not a bad thought. Except that I have already been there. I can remember hiding under a staircase from one of my Demons. I'm not even sure which one-or what staircase or in which home. But, oh well, not as small as I was then! LOL

Thanks, Anthony. I am certain that mine is "complex". (Bummer)

I had always understood that it meant was that there were multiple times and/or abusers...

I keep seeing myself as a little one inside. "She" is so young and so frightened. She is crying for help..(tears even thinking this sentence) That is what makes me try to find her. I want to assure her that she is safe now and not to blame herself. The adult me still feels anger that I even have...

I congratulate you on speaking your mind. I tried to do that many years ago.... The whole family was angry at me. They yelled and blamed me more - of course "He" denied it. Even my mom was yelling. I took my defeat and apologized publicly. This felt like being traumatized all over again. After...