The inheritance he left me

[katz]

Well, he finally passed away. His inheritance is being equally distributed to me and my siblings. I can't figure out how I feel about him now. In fact, I feel nothing. The money will help pay for some debts. However, I don't seem to feel anything. No excitement. No mourning. I'm kind of lost without feelings to feel. Is there a "proper / normal" feeling that I should be having? So far, all it is to me is numbness. And indecision of what or where to go next in my healing journey...

 

[Movingforward10]

My therapist said that feeling numb is a feeling
I still haven't got my head wrapped around that, but something to mull over.

Did you think you would feel something different or more than you do?
Maybe it's ok to feel numb or nothing about it?
Maybe the grief happened when he was alive?

I really don't think there is any right or wrong way to feel. It's such a personal experience.
And I wonder if some feelings about it change over time.

I would normally say sorry for your loss when someone has experienced the death of someone but don't know if that is appropriate here or not.

 

[Survivor3]

I would say that the way you feel about him right now in the present IS the normal way to feel. If those feelings change then so be it...feel them. In my work we're trained not to say "I'm sorry for your loss" etc...because the person might not feel sorry for their loss, it might not have been a loss. They might have despised the person, so...

 

[MrMoonlight]

You have the right to feel nothing.

 

[ags1]

I felt like the Sun had vanished from the sky when my father died, and I felt relief when my mother died.

 

[parrotthepolly]

I'm assuming "he" is the abuser?

Very normal to feel nothing due to trauma or sudden change It could be an initial reaction (or lack of) and more feelings can come or it stays that way.

After multiple unfortunate events, most people feel less and less despite logically knowing it's not a standard reaction (or lack of).

No point wasting time overthinking about it anyway.

 

[katz]

Actually, I realized that I have changed - a little. I realized that I had done some things that I had been wanting to do for a long time. He really wasn't stopping me exactly, but inside I must have decided it was okay to go ahead. (I had a couple of tattoos done.) My husband wasn't sure about them, but I tried to explain to him that it felt like me taking back over control of my body. I don't want to get any more -but I'm sure now that it was due to his passing. His death gave me the strength and control to take back what was mine - me.

 

[katz]

Another thing I have noticed is that I feel nothing about any of my abusers. I don't feel much of anything-ever. Maybe I'm afraid to feel? The few times any strong memory feeling came to the surface, I ended up in the hospital. I sure don't want to be locked in there again! It was so scary! (Like a caged animal) It almost made it worse. So, I'm afraid to feel.

 

[captain jigglypuff]

I felt absolutely nothing when my paternal grandfather died mostly because he never did anything but eat and sleep all day when I was a kid. I literally know nothing about this man other than he had dementia from falling and hitting his head pretty hard. He never played with me. He never talked to me. All he did was sleep and it’s even worse that I never got to know him despite him living with us for the first eight years of my life. I never told anyone in my family because they all have good memories of him and can’t relate to how I feel.

 

[katz]

I felt absolutely nothing when my paternal grandfather died mostly because he never did anything but eat and sleep all day when I was a kid. I literally know nothing about this man other than he had dementia from falling and hitting his head pretty hard. He never played with me. He never talked to me. All he did was sleep and it’s even worse that I never got to know him despite him living with us for the first eight years of my life. I never told anyone in my family because they all have good memories of him and can’t relate to how I feel.

I can certainly understand not wanting to talk about him. I have the same problem. All of my neices and nephews just loooved there "Papa". He was the world to them. So, I keep quiet about what he did. I'm sure they will read my journal someday, after I pass. It won't be good. I hope they will be old enough to come to terms with it or at least accept it.

 

[captain jigglypuff]

I can certainly understand not wanting to talk about him. I have the same problem. All of my neices and nephews just loooved there "Papa". He was the world to them. So, I keep quiet about what he did. I'm sure they will read my journal someday, after I pass. It won't be good. I hope they will be old enough to come to terms with it or at least accept it.

You misread what I said. I said that he never talked to me because all he ever did was stay in bed and sleep. I never got to do anything memorable or meaningful with him because he was literally in bed all day long sleeping.

 

[katz]

You misread what I said. I said that he never talked to me because all he ever did was stay in bed and sleep. I never got to do anything memorable or meaningful with him because he was literally in bed all day long sleeping.

I'm so sorry about my misunderstanding.