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Hello again! The place I am going to is a free mental health clinic. I am hoping when I see my doc again and explain to her that I don't need them every day, she will at least give me a few a month, like you said. My diagnoses are : PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and...

It will be hard for me to get a new doctor. I have no insurance. Have applied for tenncare and medicare and was denied for both. I can't afford the affordable care act. So, I am being treated at this place for people who have no insurance and my dr visits are free and my meds are cheap as heck...

My doctor recently told me she is weaning me off the benzo's because studies show it is linked to alzheimers. I don't even need to be weaned off of it because I only take them when I'm having a suicidal episode. (maybe twice a month, give or take a couple depending on how my month is going) I am...

Thank you all. I did talk to my boyfriend and then another trusted friend. I feel a bit better now. It seems to come and go. I know it will come back. I am getting some blood work done tomorrow just to make sure there is nothing wrong with me physically that could be causing my psychological...

I can fantasize for hours. I know how and where. How to pull it off. Sometimes I can't think of anything but suicide. I replay my death and suicide over and over in my head, just repeatedly for long periods of time. When I'm not thinking of this particular scenario, I'm am just wanting to be...

Your parents sound like my parents and I feel just like you. My parents won't apologize because they still deny it all. I really relate to your posts in this thread. You deserved to be protected and should have been. :hug:

Thanks again!

Thanks everyone. I'm glad I'm not alone. I have heard of pmdd and wondered if that's what it could be, but it is so tied into my ptsd I didn't know. I will continue to remind myself that it is only a week and will soon be over. As far as contraception pills go. I know this sounds stupid, cause...

We can do it Meadowsweet, but it's not gonna be easy.

I think if your T abandons you when you feel suicidal he needs a new job. Hang in there. He may not abandon you at all, but If he does, you deserve someone so much better.

So, I have mentioned before that I have my ups and downs. PTSD, depression, and anxiety are always lurking in my brain and causing me problems and sometimes I can go crazy or get suicidal even when it's not that time of the month. But my absolute lowest of the lows comes the week before my...

Thank you everyone! I did my walk down and back up the hill it was good while it lasted and a little while after. The thoughts are back. I am going to check out that thread now, BloomInWinter.

I need a break. I think tomorrow I am going to try walking. Maybe I can get into a routine of walking every day. I'm not in terrible shape, but not in the best shape either. Maybe I can start out walking and then work my way up to more physical activity such as running or something else? I think...

Well, I certainly have one wreck of a closet. I will start working on it in a little while and hopefully it will help me release some of these thoughts. Thank you.

I wasn't sure what section to put this thread in so I hope this is the right one. I think about my trauma (abuse) and my family's non action to stop it, their failure to protect me, and their denial of it constantly. All day every day. Trust me when I say I don't want to think about it. It hurts...

Thank you velvetstar for your kind words and for sharing these videos. I am going to watch them right now!

"traumatic twin" Thanks for making me laugh, tillybee. I needed it. You are definitely not alone.

It is scary stuff to deal with tillybee. I tried to start dealing with my abuse a little over a year ago and the feelings and pain were so scary that I stopped dealing with it altogether and pushed it away. It recently came back worse than before! It obviously is not going away no matter how...

I went through multiple psychiatrists before I found one that actually helped me. It may be that you will have to go through a few therapists before you find the right one for you but keep trying! If you don't like them, give them the boot and find another one! Eventually you will find one...

I lost a best friend to suicide almost 5 years ago. I was with her the night she did it, but she said she wanted to go home, so we dropped her off. She later called and said she was coming back over to my house. I fell asleep on the couch waiting for her to arrive, but she never did. She was...

Hello, tillybee. I'm sorry to hear about your abuse. I hope you will keep posting. You should get some therapy. I still haven't started mine but it is my goal. I definitely need it and if you're suffering PTSD, you need it too. Hang in there!

Thanks again BeatenMan and katiekat!

Thank you, Echo and good luck to you and your recovery!

Thank you everybody. It is so nice to know that I am not alone. I cried a little this morning when I first woke up thinking of my family, but after that cry I have been doing ok. I think today is going to be easier than yesterday. I am taking all of your advice to heart. I really do need to help...

I TRIED to go to bed, but I just laid there in the dark with the intrusive thoughts of my abuse and my family not caring if I live or die so OF COURSE I couldn't sleep. So, I just got out of bed and signed right back into this forum. Katiekat, I think sibling abuse is many times denied and...