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I'm glad this thread exists. I went no contact with my family beginning of the year and finding it difficult to talk about. I've noticed that I've isolated myself because I don't know how to bring up my deep sadness and relief over not having those interactions in my life. The shock is starting...

You may interject! A very kind, nourishing reply thank you. Peace to you as well.

Feeling low this night, just low, down, blue, emotions that seem to hit me from out of nowhere. Its creeping in that I'm saying goodbye to my parents and wanting to live my life but before that I've got to grieve the one before. I don't know how, how does one grieve a blurry distant thirty...

yes I get this, when I get too close to "the truth"

I'm so torn up inside. Inner child wants to go out and be free to party and so many things that I don't know how to parent her through and I'm putting it on her being rebellious and selfish when in reality she does know what is good for her. I dont know how to trust and not be in control, I...

Had a good cry last night. I feel that my parents have utterly left me and the shame of being 30 six months away and I'm still trying to cope with teenage type decisions are hitting me hard. It occurs to me that I don't have a touch base..or rather I do but He's one of the main ones I keep away...

This resonates with me...I'm not sure what else to write as you put it so neatly.

So I think that as I am doing inner child work (writing between left and right hand) I may be experiencing different personalities instead? Whenever my "inner child" speaks its accompanied by intense feelings of time and reality distortions. I feel like the fabric of reality is like a lava lamp...

Have had a lot of realizations about my family, every time I read about someone going through emotional abuse, I know that I am thinking of my father. The pouting, the glaring, the tantrums at anyone trying to connect with him emotionally, the lot of it. And my mother, putting up with it all...

Had a bad 'floating' day. Inner critic will shout and battle over the smallest things, what colour of paint I use, how I use it, cant envision a life without being talented and recognised as talented. Thinking about how this PTSD has/will appear, its a slow burner. Thinking about the possibility...

Yes it does..I'm still looking for an art therapist to work with me because by myself I get frightened by it and shut down.

I was never really sure, I was in therapy for four years and in those four years I would paint the same thing again and again compulsively, but at the time in detachment so we could never get to the real reason. It would feel very real then completely not real. Most art therapists would say...

Im avoiding phoning the samaritans I'm not sure I can take their silences and asks for descriptions on how I feel. I dont know how I feel, thats why I'm smearing blood everywhere I want to leave a trail leading to a murder scene and then finally someone will take me seriously instead of looking...

At the moment I don't really have an external validation, my therapist has retired a month ago and I'm looking for a new one. I know that I had birth trauma and almost died, so a big part of my trauma was before I had language. I don't have the words to describe what happened, it seems this is...

Thanks for talking to me. Its nice to know that someone understands, because I dont! I was raised in a "Christian" household, but it brought me no comfort, only confusion why if I wanted to follow God's will was I feeling so bad. (I have no memories of direct abuse). The only explanation that I...

I do. Its not poo for me, but blood. I'm so ashamed and angry that the main core of my life is this and that I don't remember experiencing life before this pre-verbal pain. There are no words or tears are enough. One thing that isn't enough for me is saying 'that's life' or 'stop saying its not...

scapegoat, enabler, lost child

I have already been seeing a counselor for about four years now. Officially I am just diagnosed with depression and anxiety but the more and more I read about ptsd(especially cptsd), the more it explains how I feel, other than really sad. Things are coming up in counselling(I'm mainly dealing...

I've posted a little bit on the main boards before, but have decided to introduce myself; or at least take a shot at it because with ptsd there seems to be multiple universes of who I am within one body and only thin moments where they are experienced together momentarily. I know that this isn't...

this absolutely makes sense to me...i have been feeling this for many years, unable to put it down into words...thanks you my friend. I also have a sense, just had an episode quite bad where it seems that though I mentally dont have thoughts about suicide, emotionally I'm geared towards shutting...

Just had a most frustrating day. I'm constantly caught between being bored and lonely and being overstimulated. I don't feel emotionally connected to my friends or that I want to seek out their company...but when I lie in bed all day my mood goes down. Im stuck in a cycle of doing things to...

I think she would say that shes tired and aching and its all over and why do people have to leave and go and its all the same. She would also says that she would want to shake things up a bit and that it hurts when I am so controlling and wont give her an inch. Its going to take time.

I have fatigue (enough that writing this paragraph takes effort. Sometimes it lasts days, sometimes hours. I'm unable to work because of it. Im very frustrated by it, my mood goes downhill quickly when im not able to exercise mentally or physically and I find watching TV to be more...

I have the same, a freeze/fatigue response and an urge to push something into the toilet

I have this too, no advice really though, sorry!