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I've had a stressful day. My abuser is my father and he got married today and my brother went so I've been thinking about him a lot. I stupidly read his weekly email and now I am so confused. He was so lovely and he said he wished I could be there to celebrate with him. Part of me (child part)...

I'm a big big fan! I don't know what house I'm in because every time I do the quiz I get a different result (side effect of my unstable personality?) Have you done the patronus quiz? I got a deerhound

I've been working on childhood trauma with my therapist and in the course of this we have started talking about the homophobic bullying that happened to me at school. Apparently one of the incidents counts as a sexual assault. I have be shocked to discover this because although I remember being...

I think so. Emotional abuse violates trust so it makes sense that abused children grow up and struggle socially. Also your threat mode is turned all the way up and you are constantly scanning people and the environment. It's no wonder interactions are difficult it is emotionally and physically...

I'm not sure I can offer any advice because it's something I really struggle with. Although I feel a closeness to my friends when I am in their company when I am not with them I cannot summon up any feelings for them. It's like they disappear from my head. I am pretty much completely emotionally...

TL;dr Trauma service refuses to take me when I'm not stable. Ed service won't help with the trauma if I'm not stable. So I end up endlessly discussing ed behaviours and never getting anywhere because it's all trauma based :(

This has been an ongoing issue since I started ed treatment 2.5 years ago. I think pretty much every post on here has been about this. Basically I was asked to put trauma work on the back burner whilst I was stabilised which makes sense in theroy but didn't work. My therapist is at the eating...

I feel like an evil wretched thing. I have relapsed into my anorexia so badly since leaving day treatment three months ago. I have lost all of the weight I gained and I'm back to my 'safe' weight. My bmi is not super low but is in the anorexic range dropping fast. I have so many behaviours I...

I didn't run away. I am still very low though. Low on energy and hope and everything. Yesterday I changed my bed clothes for the first time in two months and it took me a massive effort. But my eating is slightly better and I seem to be making some progress in therapy. I started doing...

Thank you for making me feel less alone in this <3 The thing is I feel like such a deeply defective person I have no idea how to even picture a normal and healthy life for myself. I have been in threat mode for so long it is impossible to picture a future and it's that kind of hope you have to...

Thank you for your kind words. I have had a very busy/stressful day so I am low on words this evening but I wanted to acknowledge your posts and let you know I appriciate them. I will reply properly tomorrow x

I know that this is really needy and people on here are probably really sick of me posting but I am really struggling today with strange thoughts and I don't know what the best thing to do is. I'm so overwhelmed, I have literally just left day treatment a month ago and I have really lapsed...

I'm low on words but I'd like to offer you empathy and hugs. I know the feeling-in fact I'm probably there now. It will past, I have to believe it for myself and you. When I am low I treat it like flu of the brain, I just need to take it easy and practice self care, and wait it out. :hug:

Thank you Technically I'm not supposed to email her and she said she would never ever email back but she made an exception and emailed to thank me for the message and that it was very helpful and we're going to talk about stuff next session. Eek. I know getting myself back on track with the...

Thank you Chava. I think you're right...I've used food in order to escape the feelings brought about by dealing with the trauma that has been buried so long. I haven't thought about my trauma at all this week, I've just been obsessing about my body. I don't understand my therapists reasoning...

I'm not sure I'm talking about the same thing you're talking about but my child state is like a flashback. She thinks she is still stuck in the bad place and so is very scared. I am much better at managing her. I used to be taken over completely whereas now I can hear her chatting away in my...

I always want attention but I don't know how to ask for it. When I was in an IP ward I used to sit outside the office in the hope that my Keyworker would come out and give me some. But she didn't because she is not psychic! I'm getting better at asking for it though, but when I need it the...

I am glad I'm seeing my therapist today because so many things are sliding. Having very strange thoughts. I am very triggered by other people's bodies so I have deleted everyone from treatment off my facebook- but I found a girls twitter and I've wasted so much time going through her pictures of...

Unfortunatly it's not out of my choice that the kitchen is no go. I'd find it a lot easier if I was able to have more autonomy. In treatment I practiced cooking a lot and I can do all aspects of it well, including shopping, portioning, planning etc. (but I've never done it by myself, which is...

Thanking you muchly. 'Snack bowl' is a good idea. I might get myself some cereal bars too. I would love to have some autonomy, but it's not possible in this home situation. Me and my support worker are aiming to get me into supported housing in the next few months so that should be good if I'm...

I don't have a dietician no. I also don't have much control over my meals or meal times because of a complicated situation at home (I'm not allowed in the kitchen, my mum makes stuff for me but timings are dependant on my brother who has special needs). Which makes it extra difficult because I...

Thank you. That is a helpful idea actually.(the candies). Nobody prepared me for the wobble post treatment they've just been going on and on about how happy they are with me. I was/am a good patient. I've changed so much in the last couple of years. I guess I just wanted everything to be good...

I'm so ashamed and scared about how much I have been struggling. A couple of weeks ago me and my therapist did a visualisation about an incident that happened to me 7 years ago. Doing so unlocked all of these feelings I didn't know I had and I've gone into tailspin. My therapist said she was...

I am really scared of raw tomatoes. Like I can't even have them on a plate and take them out. It's one of the things I was force fed so it does actually make sense but nobody gets it. Particular songs are also a big one. A particular brand of shampoo. Also where I sit in a room. If the...

This is a good idea actually. I have struggled with therapy in trying to cram everything in but I'm going to look at what I can manage myself. Thank you Nam. I think you are right which scares me. I have never had any emotions about my childhood abuse, so maybe now is when I become less numb.