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I generally have no problem being challenged in a constructive way. I think its important to note that some of the supporters who don't feel comfortable sharing much other than in private conversation- are supporting vets. There are not a lot of vet sufferers actively contributing in the strings...

Yes, I know. I mistakenly thought that the survey was intended for both parties (I'll leave out the S words!) and that the comments were as well. It may have been originally. The suggestion was made to start a new thread elsewhere. I was about to when another suggestion was made to leave it...

Lost, please re- read what I said. I said I knew you were trying to help and I appreciated it. I did not refer to you as the only person who issues challenges. I also said some days I want to think differently, some days I dont- just like everyone else. I also acknowledged the need to move a...

Scout- liking your post is not enough- I would double like it- no make that triple like it, if I could. This is so important and would make so much of a difference for many of us supporters if our sufferers could tell us- I'll be back and then re-up that I'll be back periodically, if they are...

I agree. Here's how I see it- I am responsible for providing feedback when I become uncomfortable. This is part of taking care if myself. If I fail to take care of myself- well, that's on me and I am not going to blame someone else for that. I may be an outlier- but that's how I see it.

Lost- I understand you are trying to help, I appreciate that. Challenging me to see things through his eyes asks me to assume I know what things look like to him. I won't make assumptions like that. Without those assumptions, the challenge can't proceed. Only he can tell me what he sees or...

He has shared his detailed journals with me and we were able to use them as a starting point for talking about how we would deal with his need to talk in our relationship- our agreement was that he could tell me whatever he wanted or needed to, when he needed to and in no chronological order. He...

I've never suggested that he must share details and it is inappropriate to suggest that I have. It is entirely his choice whether, when and how much to share. The reason to mention details was in response to the many comments that there is fear that a supporter cannot handle the details or...

Anything is possible. I think I've been consistent in saying I do not know why he isolated. I have never assumed I know why. One more point on details- I chose- out of a sense of decorum, not to specify that my ex bf recollected several incidents that haunted him from his war- including using...

Lost- I know you are trying to help. He is a sensitive enough man to know that the isolation has not be easy for me. He does not know how hard its been as time has gone on. He lives and works,in the Middle East. He has not been home in months. His isolation began in late February. We have spoken...

By SF- I meant special forces. The old BF was also a soldier. I dated him before and after he was part of an invasion force. He also had a lot of nifty toys he kept as souvenirs. Most if them do.

Example: details about the non-traditional use of piano wire in a war zone. How, where, why and what happens when it is used in this way.

My pain is due to the isolation, the grief of being dropped suddenly, the anxiety of not knowing how long it will last, the fear that he's not going to come back to me, as well as knowing he's hurting. There's no way of quantifying how much is due to what. He does not know how I feel- he has...

Thanks for reaching out again Lost- I appreciate it. If isolation is seen as a way to spare a loved one the pain of knowing more about one's trauma; then yes, I think there's a possibility that he could choose to isolate rather than tell me more and justify that choice to himself by saying he...

Justmehere- Thank you- for a lot of things! LOL! Clearly I speak my mind. Perhaps less clearly I am not confrontational nor do I seek to offend or hurt others. I hope clearly now, I didn't intend to yell at anyone. Thanks for backing me on that! Your cancer analogy is so very accurate...

Again, I apologize for unintentionally yelling. All I am finding above the reply box are options for posting content to other destinations. I would edit the post out of bold if I could.

I agree that Lostfogottensoul has been extremely generous. I also explained that it appears that I misused his content. This was not my intent. I meant only as a starting point. As for the bold- I did not use a bold font. I have no idea why my comment appears in bold. I'm on my phone- there is...

I apologize if it seemed I disrespected your experience and views. It appears that I misused what you said as a starting point. Again, I apologize. What I was trying to say is that supporters are as individual as sufferers. Some if us can handle more than others. Similarly, that I can...

With all due respect- you really can't know the,pain someone else feels. You may think you do, or you may assume you do, but you can't know how someone else feels. I'd also respectfully suggest that its not necessarily true- from the perspective of the supporter- that knowing or dealing with...

I should clarify- the "oh well" statement that I made above, was rhetorical- it was not a reference to any specific slight I thought someone had made. I've shed a few tears this afternoon that I really needed to let out and has cleared my head. This has been a very interesting and enlightening...

Thank you, in many ways. My sufferer does listen, actually. He told me months ago that even when he doesn't respond he reads what I have to say via email. His one response- I'm ok thank you- followed an email from me in which, among other things, I told him that I miss him and love him. I have...

And its a good idea. Thank you. I thought this survey was for both supporters and sufferers and more to the point- I didn't intend to start such a heated discussion, nor cause offense. My apologies if I did.

Justmehere- THANK YOU for asking. While I'm clearly having a tough day today- this is an issue that is not limited to me or to today. I've had numerous side conversations with other supporters and this is not an isolated frustration on the part of supporters in new relationships. I wish I had...

It was not my intention to imply that all, most or even many sufferers take that "oh well" attitude. This is a very individual thing. Not even my own sufferer has taken that attitude. My pont was and is- that there is little empathy given to what supporters experience. And that is unfortunate...

I beg to differ that his isolation has nothing to do with me. His REASONS for isolating have nothing to do with me. But the fact he is isolating DOES impact me, make no mistake about that. I think this is a very important distinction that is often overlooked. I LOVE this man. When one of us...