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Hi AslinSparx, I keep re reading all of what you wrote above to help remind myself to just feel it all and you are absolutely right! - dogs are the best!!!! :) Forget humans LOL. Your words are spot on. Being upbeat and happy ALL the time is fake and if I need a few weeks to be pissed off...

As @Friday suggesred, talk with your therapist. I spoke with one of mine that was not covered by my insurance and she saw how messed up I was, and how poorly my insurance carrier providers were treating me, she agreed to see me at $30 a session (normally $150 per session), two times a week, for...

Sooo....after all just typed above (again, sorry so long!!), I will be back tomorrow to individually respond to each of you!!! Gosh, this is going to be a tough one to get through, and I just count my blessings this site exists because I honestly don't know what I'd do without all of your...

Thank you, thank you, TY!!!! I will write more tomorrow, and respond to each of you...just in a sh**ty mood and have been for a little while now. Just riding the wave and reading posts here (when even online lately). You are all so wonderful to share as much as you have and I just need that...

Does anyone ever feel like "what is the point anymore?" Feel like I have tried EVERYTHING for decade and half and just don't know how much more I have left, at all, towards doing anymore work towards building a better life. How does one possibly snap out of having lost all hope and see anything...

It's REALLY nice to see a 2nd trauma/neuro Psychiatrist, periodically, when my carrier trauma/neuro Psychiatrist scares or overwhelms me per explanations above...that reassurance that 1) I'm not psychotic nor crazy and 2) This is PTSD (have to keep being reminded since so many Dr's never helped...

Exciting @Friday - you are funny as hell and will be Grrrrr8!! :)

Hi J'qel, Yes, let's do swap stories - I will private message you later and we can chat :) The 2nd trauma/neuro Psychiatrist appt. went REALLY good, he's awesome! He said it is horrible regular therapists and psychiatrist labeled me BPD because I'm clearly not and made me go back and read ALL...

I totally understand, it is not easy going through that (confusing, embarrassing, feel a bit crazy like what is happening...). But, I just started with trauma/neuro psychiatrist and therapists a few months ago and they will actually not look at you strangely nor judge anything that happens -...

THANK YOU, again! You have no idea how much that meant to me. I was still in a very hypnotic state when I wrote you back above, and what terribly awful writing it was LOLOL. I woke this AM in a complete daze and lost my phone, somehow, in my bedroom and cannot find it for the life of me. So...

I understand the looking at everyone suspect, I cannot go to parties anymore at this age, I'm too afraid I will have a heart attack plus I'm no longer drinking so it would just be too much to handle on my own. It's an awful feeling and for the first time in my life, after 15 yrs all on my own...

My heart goes out to you dear Medic72...thoughts and prayers with you and your family! :hug:

Yes, my sweet and smart friend, let's do! I'm sort of in a hypnotic state right now after the event you just helped me snap out of so i will message you tomorrow, some more, to discuss :hug: TY, my friend, for what you just helped me get out of!!! You are extraordinarily fab :)

THANK YOU, my friend. J'qel I really needed that!!!! I know you know what I mean, it is all happening so damn fast and I get lost in it and reading your post and the way you wrote it, truly helped me snap out of it (I call them whirlwinds, spinning and spinning around my head ). I am breathing...

Wish there were a forum on flashbacks and nightmares, because now that I know I dissociate, I'm feeling the terror all over again. I don't trust my Dr's suddenly, and am thinking they are all plotting against me to get me. The night the three guys were looking at me with funny looks in their...

J'qel, From all you wrote above, it seems our lives mirrored one another!! So glad to meet you on this forum:) Sorry to hear you had to go through ALL that, I did, too, so I know exactly how it all feels. Thank you for sharing!!

Hang in there Yellow Butterfly, I know it hurts and is hard, your body and mind just need time to process all - words don't make it feel any better, as it's happening, I know. For hours and hours I can feel that way some days. If you can get outside, even in a yard/balcony, to just be one with...

When others tell you how great it is seeing you and spending time with you and doing that, just hanging out and talking, makes them so happy because they miss it. But...in your head, all you can think about is I want to go back to my place and be by myself :speechless:

That is GOOD!!!! I love that :D Stealing it, Friday :happy:

**CORRECTION: "this focus on TRYING to talk live and NOTHING COMING OUT CORRECTLY in person..." LOL. Just gotta laugh these days as all this newness sinks in.

The biggest lesson to learn, I'm guessing, is you both keep talking about things...perhaps a flow conversation method? I know it takes time to make sense out of anything, I just have ALWAYS been a writer so this focus on talking live and in person with specialists is very different than what I'm...

I can imagine it helps bring out so much! I'm just starting with a trauma team and so I'm just learning, and thank you for all you shared! I need to learn more. I start something new and cannot sleep well, that's just me - I'm excited to post and read other posts here, so this really helps as a...

When you and your 95lb. yellow lab go to Einstein Bagels to grab a breakfast sandwich and all people are focusing on is YOU and your dark circles under your eyes instead of the big HUGE friendly loving lab you brought to distract from any of that

So very grateful for the few really amazing friends I still have from decades ago, whom I can share anything with and never judge me. Thankful for this very safe website, to be able to be open and honest on, plus the new friends I have made. I'm grateful for writing and the awesome writer...

My experience was SO public because I worked for the largest company in my big city when it happened...too many people knew about it all before I even had a chance to absorb it and accept it all myself...way too many damn people got to accept it before the months I finally came out of denial)...