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Haha, yeah, I don't think he's in the FWB mindset anymore. I definitely like him a lot. We share common values and have similar personalities. We find each other (very) attractive. To make things even funnier, we even have nearly the same coats, and due to similar dress senses, occasionally...

I definitely want to work on the relationship part. I think he wants to as well, because if he didn't, he would have dumped me long ago. We initially started as friends with benefits, but I guess we grew closer when I started having flashbacks, oddly enough. I think we've got what it takes to...

Gosh, that's a difficult situation. If I were you, I would speak with your doctor or therapist and see what they'd recommend to your employer. You'd likely be able to get away with the anxiety medication "excuse" or maybe even sleep disorder, as that's not classified as a mental illness.

Yep, I'm in therapy. I'd be a huge mess without it. We do go on dates. We just went salsa dancing last night and all that close touching without actually being able to...you know, get our hands on each other just about killed us. Sex is going to be really hard to take out of the picture...

Haha, that's what I get for typing with PTSD brain. I guess I'm asking if anyone has any strategies that worked as far as keeping the trauma survivor grounded during triggers or flashbacks. Specifically, are there any ways that my partner can help me keep my rational brain online instead of my...

My partner and I have been together for about 8 months, 4 of which have been spent dealing with my PTSD symptoms. I've told him about my history of sexual assault. He's been incredibly supportive, kind, and caring throughout the whole process, but I'm always afraid I'll do something that will...

Yes, you were raped and/or sexually assaulted. You told him no multiple times, yet he had unprotected sex with you without your permission and coerced you into having protected sex. I'm really sorry that happened to you. Do you have someone you can talk to? You can chat with a counselor on the...

First off, I'm sorry that you went through that. I agree that what happened was not intercourse because it wasn't consensual. The word "rape" has very strong connotations. What happened to you may or may not fit the legal definition of rape, but unless you're planning to go to court, the legal...

I wish I could give you a timeline, but the pace at which you learn how to trust others again varies. If you have a therapist, maybe some good topics to discuss are: how you were before the relationship, how you are now, and examining the differences between your past and present mindset. Being...

Gosh. Immediately after my first rape I became anorexic and a compulsive over-exerciser and lost like 10 lbs, which is a lot for someone who's 5' 2". I looked terrible, really sinewy and drawn. I think the only reason why I never got down to the 17.5 BMI was because I was also a cross country...

Yeah, I've had similar experiences. It's really weird because on one hand I would hate for the assaults to actually happen in real life, but on the other hand I get turned on by imagining them. I've run through the whole gamut of thinking, "I'm disgusting, I can't believe I think that, etc."...

Man, there's a lot of shit out there! That sounds really awful; I can't imagine getting a cracked tailbone and being threatened with your life. I'm sorry that happened to you, recoveringfromptsd. I doubt law enforcements would listen to a person who claimed he/she got assaulted under the guise...

I agree, that sort of behavior from doms--putting all the responsibility on the subs--is toxic. I'm in therapy and will have to tell my therapist next session that I was indeed raped. We're probably going to discuss why the hell I didn't get out of this relationship, how to say no, and what I...

No, I never talked to him about it after this happened because shortly after this BDSM incident, he left to travel South America. I did visit him once in Guatemala, but that was pretty much the end of our relationship. For the record, about 3 years after we officially broke up, we were still...

recoveringfromptsd, I am so sorry that you were abused by a staff member. My heart goes out to you. I understand what you mean when you say that you comply so that you won't get further hurt. Do you have a therapist and people to support you?

Thank you, KerriJ. I agree that I was responsible for the texts and not clarifying. However, I do wonder whether my ex "forgot" to clarify and check in with me, because he knew that I was a little naive and didn't know what to expect. My current partner would never "forget" to clarify and check...

What happened meets my definition of rape, whether or not it does legally. I never consented to violence and coercion as soon as I stepped through the door--that's not BDSM. That situation was unsafe and he took away my ability to consent. My first rape might not count legally as rape either...

You know... When I was talking about my relationship with this ex and this BDSM incident in therapy, my therapist just looked more and more concerned. I didn't even realize that what he'd done could be construed as manipulative until very recently. It was rather devastating to see my therapist...

You're right: that statement has a lot of power. It's very direct. And it's something I need to say to myself and to him, though it will be very difficult to acknowledge that he assaulted me. "What he did wasn't right" is what I've felt all along, but I ignored that feeling for a long time. "I...

It's entirely possible to have delayed PTSD. That's what happened to me--I got raped, but I didn't have flashbacks until 3 years later. I don't know why things popped up now, instead of earlier. It's possible that an emotional state related to your assault triggered it, instead of a specific...

I can understand why you'd be panicking. Please get tested for STDs and pregnancy. It's better to be safe than sorry. I think the issue of finding fault isn't the right way to go about it, because it doesn't make people feel better. You said yourself that you could have spoken to him more...

Yes, it isn't my first sexual assault. I got raped about 4-5 months prior to this so-called BDSM incident by a coworker while I was very drunk. Remembering the first rape was extremely painful, since I'd used hyper sexuality and eating disorders for 3 years to prevent myself from remembering the...

Well...ouch. I really wanted to believe that he wouldn't be THAT ignorant or THAT manipulative to not tell me. But unless he's the stupidest man alive, he didn't "forget" to tell me he had a rape fantasy. I wanted to believe that he wouldn't be THAT ignorant or THAT manipulative to...

I'm certainly not intending to take it to court. I have no desire to slander him or ruin his life, because that's what taking it to court would do. I still care for him, though perhaps I shouldn't. Would he be devastated to know that he had assumed my consent to violence and rape fantasies when...

As to whether he had bad intentions or meant to seriously hurt me: I don't think he meant to hurt me, but he meant to and did act on his knowledge and my expectations. You could argue Bernie Madoff didn't mean to ruin thousands of people, but he certainly meant to run a Ponzi scheme in which he...