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oops double post

Are you really going to debate my knowledge of d.i.d. against yours? ISSTD is arguably the foremost authority on d.i.d. AT THE VERY BEGINNING of their guidelines they state: Instead of showing visibly distinct alternate identities, the typical DID patient presents a polysymptomatic mixture of...

Thank you for trying to bring the volume back down a little. I guess I wasn't really focusing on the fact that this is his 'ex'. I was focusing on his question of whether it could be ptsd or not. I'm sorry that you feel I'm 'over pathologizing' things, and apologize if that's how it came off...

Ok, for some reason this email didn't show up in my feed. Obviously I can't say for sure that she has d.i.d., but if I were a betting man, I'd say there's a pretty good chance she does. Most people expect to see the overt switches between alters that Hollywood loves to portray in the movies, but...

The experts love to say that d.i.d. is pretty rare, but now that my wife and I have been in this journey for the last ten years, I wonder if it's not as rare as some think. You have to remember that d.i.d. is just part of a spectrum of dissociative disorders which include ptsd. When the...

You might consider dissociative identity disorder. It's often misdiagnosed because it encapsulates so many other mental health issues including ptsd, and your wife definitely meets some of the hallmark requirements like abuse/trauma at an early age in childhood even though her own issues seem...

Though things are a little more complicated because of my wife's d.i.d., she was stuck in the ancient history of our relationship, too, and it didn't matter at all about my version of things or how hard I was trying or had changed. I finally decided I valued the relationship over who was right...

you might check out positive outcomes for dissociative supporters (pods) in the UK.

Hi @anthony, though I agree with much of what you said, I'm a little confused on why you say ptsd is trauma based and then go on to claim that there is NO cure. Where does such a claim come from? That seems more like a 'biomedical model of mental health' kind of statement. oops, I meant the...

@somerandomguy , I understand your feelings. I honestly do, and in the beginning I had to be very careful with my wife. Everything in her wanted to run and hide. My guess is she always suffered the abuse alone as a child and so she didn't know what it was to have someone just 'there' with her...

The only thing I might suggest is sleeping in separate places would be a non-starter for me. My wife hasn't ever tried it, but her parents do, and I told her the day she follows their example is the day I get another wife. I know many think you have to give your ptsd loved one 'space' when they...

30+ years here. I can empathize with much of your situation. It rips me up every day to stay, and yet I love my wife and keep hoping for a win/win solution. She's come so far in the healing process, but sometimes I wonder if I'll be strong enough to make it. I just try to take it day by day and...

I guess that's the difference between me and you. I don't think my wife is 'mentally ill and vulnerable'. I have always treated her as my equal with full agency. She is the most beautiful and intelligent person I know, especially as she has healed and begun to connect deeply to the other girls...

If you had really read my blog, you would know that she and I are in this together. I don't ever do anything with one girl 'secretly.' That's NOT the way to have a marriage. I'm sorry you didn't like what your husband did, but my wife, all my girls, regularly tell me I am the most healing thing...

I wonder if the real problem isn't 'affection' per se, but the kind of affection. When my wife and I first got into this, I thought sex was the answer and cure for ALL ills. However, I had to learn that for my wife, sex wasn't what she needed. She needed non-smothering affection, the kind a...

@Justmehere , I've thought and thought and thought about your reply. I know you meant well. I've read it until I could see past the long critique that you made on my views of 'rescuing' and 'empowerment'. But I just think it goes back to your summation of things as 'my unique way' of doing...

Yes, attachment with a therapist can be tricky because attachment is supposed to be two-way even between parent and small children, and the protocols for therapists are such that inhibit a full attachment. But I'm glad it is working for you, and I hope it continues to do so! Of course you want...

Yes, my wife has had 3 different alters who required us to be temporarily celibate, each for different reasons. The first was her defender, and once I got her healed, safe and securely attached, she actually began to quickly mature to the point where she asked to be my girlfriend and then she...

There is at least one internet group that supplies trauma victims with dogs specifically trained to help with ptsd and other issues. Not sure if that would be promoting to give their link so I won't give it, but you can probably find it if you really wanted.

Hi Congruency...well I've made it for 30 years, so it must be 'enough' but that's part of why I'm on this site to see if I can get a little more. Wow, I'm not sure I would have been mature enough 4 years into it, to handle things, but then sometimes I wish so much I had known and maybe we could...

If I get the feeling that my presence can be a help and not stir up a lot of acrimony because we are approaching this healing journey differently, then I will try to share more...but again, at this point it's mostly d.i.d. stuff, not pstd stuff. To me I feel a common bond with other SO's who...

Hi Sandstone, my wife and I have both had to expand our understanding of what spousal roles are. There are books out there if you were interested in how attachment theory works in adult, romantic relationships. I haven't read them, so I can't really recommend any, but we all 'need someone to...

Hi Searching4Self, I'm sorry if I've muddled my answers and responses. I kind of feel like the new person in the center of the circle and everyone is yelling questions: some friendly, and some voicing a lot of skepticism. And I try hard to understand the skepticism, but it's also hard when I...

Hi Muttly, thank you, and I'm happy to meet a fellow traveler in the world of d.i.d. Florid is the term the experts use simply to mean your insiders do full switches when they front. It's how d.i.d. is typically portrayed in the movies and on tv with the full voice changes, etc. I understand...

I had hoped to find camaraderie with other SO's who are in an impossible situation; who love their mates and yet know the overwhelming pain of a dysfunctional relationship, but still hope things can get better. But as always the gulf between our method of her healing and everyone else seems too...