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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rorster93" data-source="post: 1801756" data-attributes="member: 51700">No side effects from the celexa so far. But the purpose of this medication is to face my trauma which is where this diary comes in.My boyfriend has a dog that doesn't get along with people. Not his fault, he was trained that way. He used to take his dog to a particular place to be boarded because his dog became attached to the workers there, a certain female worker. Well now that his dog is used to me, I watch him for my boyfriend while he's out of town. Saves him a lot of money. Well this female worker messaged my bf asking when is he going to bring his dog by for a visit because this is her last week, she is leaving the country to go to college. He never brought his dog by but wished her well. Then he bragged about her to me saying she is a really great person, she will do well in college, she's naturally good with dogs and can run circles around the other staff. That did not sit well with me. He never talks about me to anyone, I'm "private" in his life. I know it's moreso protective of us that he doesn't talk about us to anyone but I mean, golly, he knew her before he knew me, why didn't they date? Is she not single? Is that why? Am I like second best? His second choice?He knew something was wrong so he asked and I told him I was jealous. He laughed said I need to get over that and we moved on. It felt nice to be able to be jealous and him know about it. I was able to feel a negative emotion with him. Accusing him of infidelity with no evidence or mistreating him is crossing the line. A few days later, I asked if he has taken his dog for one last visit, he said no, that he doesn't take his dog for visits, only to board and he doesn't need to board him. I asked if she left yet but she wasn't leaving until the end of the month. I mumbled that I wish she was gone already. He told me to be nice, she's 18 years old, a damn kid. I didn't feel silly until later, delayed because her being 18 wouldn't matter to my stepdad/husband so it didn't mean anything to me at first. He would have still had an affair if it were possible. And this is also where my T says my mind has been groomed. I used to think 6 year olds could be in romantic relationships. She said 6 year olds can't be in romantic relationships, that's where I used to think I carried part of the blame for being raped and molested. But I had no fault because I was a child subject to the abuses of my caretakers. It was amazing to realize how warped my mind was/is.I feel embarrassed and silly. There's nothing romantically interesting about an 18 year old going to college. At least I'm not jealous anymore which I'm considering a win. I'm in a different world, it seems. A world where child sexual abuse is not the norm, is not excused or hidden, it is instead brought to light and strongly persecuted.</blockquote>

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