Dude I hate men. So so f*cking much. Oh, somebody gets raped? 9/10 times it's a man. Oh, a school gets shot up? Oh yeahhh; it's a guy.
I'm so f*cking sick of f*cked up men. Women rarely even do as much bad shit as guys do.
Before I even turned 13 guys wanted to f*ck me; particularly older men.
For example; one time my mom& I were walking the street, there was a creepy guy staring at my ass.
And there's another example with how one of my older cousins (who was a dude) when I was 5&10...
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The whole "it didn't matter" message when I was experiencing trauma was super helpful at the time. I now know that it did matter. And telling myself it didn't was a survival strategy.
However, at the root of that was the message that "I don't matter". It's this root message I am struggling to work through.
Have you worked through it?
Cognitively I know I matter. I have people in my life who tell me that. But *feeling* it and *knowing* it is difficult. It just hard wired in my brain...
I couldn’t think of a good title.
I’m struggling with a puzzle. I was abused by my caregiver, so my concept/sense of “familiar” and “home” are associated with negative feelings and experiences. So then it’s “easy” to find myself in relationships and situations where I don’t protect myself from or avoid negative feelings and experiences. Because I have internalized things like “it’s normal for people who care for each other to… yell, dismiss, mock, hit, etc.”
There’s an idea that “people...
Idk if this is the right place to post this—was thinking about “Relationships”, but anyway. I’m curious. When you find out that a famous person abused their kids or their family or did some other thing like that, do you remove their music, movies, books, etc from your collection? I know it’s nuanced because some are not proven and some are complicated by historical times and other reasons. But I’m just curious because I think that our personal histories play a part in these kinds of...
Stole half the title and the whole of the idea from another thread.
So, many of us have, ahem, slightly distortes views of what they do/don’t deserve. Good stuff, treatment, care, help? Nah. Past abuse? Sure.
So, what do you feel you deserve? Not in a cerebral, knowing way, but on the deeper, irrational knee-jerk level.
And: why? Why did/do/don’t you deserve it?
What if your thoughts were the other way round? What purpose do these beliefs serve?
I’ll go first.
Did I deserve the...
Some people with PTSD will have particular subjects that they avoid, but I don’t find any particular subject too difficult. I don’t have triggers in that sense.
I find myself having flashbacks to completely random, highly specific objects/situations. I can’t predict what my triggers are going to be.
I saw a teenager with a particular model of mobile phone- and my thoughts just started to race- it was the fact that they’re in a school uniform with that specific phone in their hand.
I would...
I am really struggling with supermarkets. My partner has agoraphobia so I often go to the supermarket alone, armed with a shopping list. I struggle to read the list in the supermarket, forgetting what I have and haven't got - I stand frozen in an aisle like an idiot reading and re-reading the list. Decisions cause terrible spikes of anxiety - having to substitue an item leaves me worrying about getting things wrong, getting my partner angry, and then the world will end. Sometimes I buy...
This is a thing for me.
Is it for you?
***
I started to write “This is a big thing for me,” and had stop. Nope, not big, huge. Sigh. Not right, either. So I sat here looking for the right way to describe something I understand so well, and not at all; that’s so much a part of me and my life, or not at all; that I struggle to find the words to even describe it, much less discuss it.
Big. Huge. Sharp. Simple as life or death. Complicated as hell. Dangerous. Pernicious. Subtle. Subtle as a...
I was gaslighted for 15 years. Yes, I am using the correct term. Psychiatrist called it gaslighting. I have been assessed by 15 psychiatrists and have clinical PTSD. Nothing else.
I want to know if others have been gaslighted and how they cope? What belief structures did it cause and how did they overcome?
My reality distorted for 15 years. I'm angry, hurt, worried, lost, tearful, anxious. Trying to just survive each day on my own.
No therapy available for 2 years waiting list. By that...
there are points in my life where my mind genuinely tries to believe my trauma never happened. i completely go into denial and try to think i have no childhood memories, or no traumatic memories whatsoever. for me this happens about once a month, how long the wave lasts depends, but its a really strange feeling.
im wondering if anyone else goes through this? its really challenging for me
Currently, I'm struggling with feeling dead/collapsed inside. Young parts are feeling like that because of anniversary period. They just want November over. They are playing dead/checked out until it's over.
How do you help yourself if you have experienced this?
I want them to understand it's ok now and we don't need to wait to feel better again.
But I just don't know how to do that.
I have managed it before with another anniversary period. But that seems easier because that's summer...
CPTSD has been documented for over 30 years, yet it remains absent from the DSM, the foundation for diagnosis and insurance coverage for mental health care in the U.S.
Despite clear research from experts like Judith Herman and Bessel van der Kolk, institutional barriers persist: outdated diagnostic frameworks, insurance limitations, and professional resistance to change.
The cost of inaction is devastating millions who continue to face higher rates of suicide, substance abuse, domestic...
Realizing everything people have done or not done to me leads to aggression. This awareness led to me finally starting to do what I'd always wanted, I became more self-confident—and it worked. But I can no longer bottle up all my emotions; now that I'm aware of them, it's unbearable. I can't live separately from my family yet, but that's in the plans. But this awareness affects not only them but my friends as well. It's become more difficult for me to connect with people because I've started...
Hello everyone,
I had a rough day. I was listening to a cPTSD audiobook this morning, hoping it’d help me understand myself better, but it hit way harder than I expected. I ended up in an absolute meltdown, crying inconsolably, and had to leave work early. Now I feel embarrassed and childish. I keep replaying what happened in my head on loop.
Has anyone else had something like this happen? How do you handle it especially when learning about trauma ends up being the trigger? How do you deal...
I recently got into a fight- ish? I’m not sure what exactly it was, with a friend. One of the things in it is she asked me how do I feel supported, how do I feel seen or heard, as in what behavior can she do for me.
And the honest answer is I have no idea. I blanked. Anything I can think of that other people might say just feels fake or out of pity. It’s not that she does a bad job or anything. But I’m really, really, really good at stuffing down my needs to make sure everyone else is good...
I am terrified that I need to get attached to my therapist for healing! I’m almost a year in therapy and I reject my T. T knows I reject because I don’t want to fall in love with them. They say therapy would not work well if I don’t open the door to a close and real therapeutic relationship. We do different stuff like EMDR, rescripting, talk, but all that doesn’t seem enough because I put T at a distance.
I believe in love with T is:
Pailful,
Stupid,
Shameful,
Scary,
Time consuming,
Energy...
I wonder if you have experiences/symptoms about object (in)constancy. If you're unaware of the term, look it up on wikipedia. I just recently became aware of this topic which really is its own well of suffering to me. It basically has to do with people still being the same when you are lonely or upset. I usually get thoughts that devaluate or fundamentally question friends or my therapist while they are not around even though I cognitively know that im comforted in their presence. Also I...
So apparently it goes like this:
- Trauma happens but I was unable to do what I wanted to in order to protect myself.
- Because I was basically blindfolded and heavily medicated - couldn't run, or fight back, or whatever.
- Survival energy got "Stuck" because it couldn't discharge, it just stayed stuck somewhere.
So much of my hyperarousal/hypervigilence can be set off by "seemingly unrelated events"?
The explanation totally makes sense too as I was literally off my feet for a couple...
Does anyone else come up with life events/timeframes that they say they have to wait to go though before they can kill themselves?
I recently finished up a programme that brought me a lot of joy and have entered a new stage of my life and the urge to end it is just so strong, it just feels like this was my goal all along and I don’t know what else to do.
I remember having a similar experience turning 18 and not knowing how to picture my life because I’d always said “I’m waiting till I...
Help me tease this out. I tend to view anger as a negative emotion. I know anger can be a good motivator, but in order for it be positive it has to change into something else to be productive. Otherwise, anger that remains anger is dangerous and it's where mistakes and stupidity happens. That's what I mean by mostly negative. It can be a building block if it it tempered. Duh.
What I am struggling with is how I feel anger, or the lack of. Not that I don't get irritated or whatever, but in...
Since being hit by a car, I cannot go outside by myself. I just feel so vulnerable, I’m terrified that it will happen again. Just wondering are there any sayings or thoughts that anyone repeats to themselves to feel less scared or weak and vulnerable? Can’t apply to anything please
So, I'm currently not diagnosed, but starting to feel that it might benefit me to work with a trauma-oriented therapist. Before I go though I'm trying to explore and tackle a few things on my own. Here's a question that I've struggled with for a long time now.
I'll just copy the following paragraph from my into thread here.
Recently I stumbled upon an old conversation I had with an ex - the one person in my life who I'm 100% confident loved me and was genuine, present and supportive. In...
Was talking about it today with OT and it got me wondering what it feels like for everyone else?
She's been talking about a ladder and how dissociation is at the top, worse than fight or flight, and I kind of get it is a stage beyond fight or flight because it's what kicks in when you cant fight or flight but it's still turning ideas on their head a bit for me.
Thanks muchly for any replies
Sometimes I think I’m not sure what trauma means anymore because I see it applied rather broadly.
Has the meaning changed over time? Does it have so many meanings?
It seems that it is so common now and people use it casually, similarly to how they might say, “I feel a little OCD about my shoes.” Or, “I’m depressed about my team losing the playoffs.”
At the same time, it is well known that two people experiencing the same event respond differently and one may be traumatized and the...
Hello
We all daydream from time to time but I wonder if anyone creates their own fantasy worlds to shield them from trauma? I ask that because I do it often.