Sometimes I wake up and groan thinking, "Okay, time to put on my clothes, go out into the world, and be a person."
"Time to be people now... "
Is having to 'tough up' in order to exist in society a burden for other people here too?
Do you feel the desire to not have a self or have needs?
And how does this play into dissociation, de-personalization, and de-realization for you?
When I analyze my parts and past, I see that my family was so emotionally stressed and burdened, that as the...
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I feel really attached to my therapist. For the first time in my life I feel safe, validated, cared for… and because of that, I find myself thinking about her often when I’m not there. I also am terrified that I’m going to “ruin” it. Like, even though she’s assured me that she’s not going anywhere, I’m so afraid that she’ll realize that she doesn’t like me (as a person or a patient) or that something I say will freak her out or turn her away… I don’t know. I realize it sounds dumb when I...
I'm currently in a situation where my brain wants/ craves something that is technically in my own worst interest. In my case it's suicidal ideation. My brain literally *wants* this and I have no idea what to do about it.
The only parallels I can think of are for example, eating disorders, self-harm or addictions. Where in both cases, the brain craves what is obviously harmful for and not in the best interests of the individual. But the brain craves it anyway.
Maybe I'm lucky to have never...
What does being a rape victim mean to you?
What does being an abused child mean to you?
What does being a warrior mean to you?
What does being a survivor of natural disaster mean to you?
What does being an MVA survivor mean to you?
What does being a battered spouse mean to you?
What does being ____your trauma___ mean to you?
My own stuff was bleeding out elsewhere, so I figured a better place for it? Here. If anyone wants to join in.
Ughhh.... I'm looking at the drivers of my ideation and I think this is a central one.
Growing up with trauma and neglect, as a very young kid, I realised that in my family and everywhere around me, no one was looking after anyone else. It was like everyone was on their own. Everyone only got marginal protection - a roof above the head, some scraps... enough to "survive" on...
That never felt like it was okay to me... I could see so much suffering and it was like no one else cared about...
I can't get high. I think my dopamine system is utterly broken, thanks to childhood abuse and anhedonia in general. Is it genetic? I have no frame of reference.
I get no pain relief with narcotics, thankfully, because I'd probably be an addict if I could.
I get sharp, painful emotional flashbacks and shots of shame attached to brief snippets of past events that feel like a punch to the gut.
On bad days, they keep coming.
I do my best to keep distracting music or shows playing in the...
I ignore my body as much as humanly possible.
Ever since childhood, I've often wished that I didn't have a body... If there was some magical trick to do that, I'd do it...
I avoid as many physical sensations as possible.
It doesn't seem healthy tho and the follow-on effects are starting to create health issues for me, so I think I'm going to have to try and change it. Don't know how tho.
Session in morning and I will bring it up with her too but thought I'd ask on here too.
What's your thought on AI journaling V's traditional? I mean, I don't journal using pen and paper....I use notes on my phones but have seen ads for AI journaling and think that might be helpful too....you know the prompts and feedback to what I'm writing. Don't know whether I might prefer that way 🤷♀️
Assuming we are perfectly rational actors, and there is no response bias based on trauma severity, the results will be 50/50.
Hi.
I went through a lot of trauma as a child. One of them was my mother always making me feel guilty, not enough, as if I was behaving badly towards others, etc. I seem to have been the cause of all that didn't go well or rather according to her wishes and expectations.
This still has an effect on me today (I'm 50+). The other day I bought an item online. When I got it, I noticed it had a defect. So I wrote to the seller on Etsy that the item had the defect and that I would like to...
This came to my awareness today. I don’t have much to say about it currently, but I want to at some point. Feel free to comment or question in any way that feels meaningful to you.
For the last year, I've been going through a very intense situation that's been weighing incredibly heavily on me. It's made me feel nauseous 24/7, burned out, unable to sleep, unable to rest or enjoy anything. Constant worry, pressure, guilt, anxiety, fretting.
The situation feels utterly unfixable to me. I keep trying to find solutions but none of them feel viable.
I just tried doing the DBT "Wise Mind" exercise which is a deeply helpful exercise for me in situations where I'm stuck and...
I've got CPTSD from CSA from parents and their 'friends' starting with my mother at infancy. Father was a doctor. Mother had a masters in child psychology. She worked as a psycho-social rehab specialist with sex offenders in prison. (The irony is not lost on me.)
My mother triangulated with the few therapists and counselors wherever we lived so they were spoonfed stories about my just being 'precocious.' Nobody helped me, or my sisters and female friends, because most of them were...
Hey, 1st post here.
I think that I've a "next level" sex disgust. I like watching porn, a lot tbh, and feel that I'd be happy to get involved.
But since I have real disgust for me and my body, it's almost has if anyone who would like to have sex with me seems disgusting. So I'm ok watching a hot girl having sex with a stranger (=> porn) but would hate the feeling that someone is attracted by me.
I had quite a few very bad experience with girl in my teenage, getting repealed and mocked a few...
Ugh. Grief. Seems to just keep coming. I try to distract a lot. But it just sneaks in. I was talking to my robot therapist (AI) and it suggested grief containment—said it’s also called mothering the grief. I hate trying new things and it sounds hard and stupid. “Set aside a place or time to grieve.” It’s weird how anger seems to be the other side of grief . Idk what I’m asking in the post. I guess if you do the containment thing. Or just if you’re tired of the grieving too.
For...
Know this is a topic that has been discussed a lot but find myself in a position where i'm finding I'm having to make a choice
My background: am 37, guy, have been in therapy multiple times. Some were absolutely awful, and in particular it turned out a bunch of therapists at 1 government-based organization were not careful and spread information to other parties that they did not share with me. Ended in a complaint and lots of awful things and 'human errors' as they put it surfacing, but...
I've had my session this morning and I think it was a good one. A hard one, but a good one. I sent alot over to her via email before it. I actually feel ok. Maybe this dissociation thing isn't so bad 🙈 She brought it up, how I dissociated at one point and I need to be able to keep myself present in session but it's not even something I realise is happening. She's advised I look up on dissociation. She didn't say it was a bad thing and it's a normal trauma response, she just said that I need...
I've been having nightmares every night for about a week now, and they're all fairly consistent so I know what they're about. The first three dreams were terrifying, waking me up in a cold sweat and forcing me out of bed before the sun rises. But the rest of the week I've had these nightmares, one worse than the first three, and the others about the same. And yet I feel completely emotionless both in the dream and after I wake up. Idk if I'm shutting down or I'm just fully aware it's just a...
"One" of my Demons just passed away. I have convinced myself that He was the last one. So, now they are all dead. My family-or some of it- knows about "this" Demon. Now that he is dead, they think that I should just "move on" and "let it go". I don't understand why I can't. In the past I just forgot it all, then it came back in a wave. Then I remembered more, with even more details. Are they right? Now that He is gone - should the thoughts and memories also just fade away? I'm kind of lost...
I found an interesting study about selective mutism, it mentions an "unsafe world" model.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00702-021-02404-1
This relates to how I even feel today as an adult despite not going mute anymore. There was only one therapist who understood my behavior as a sign of a constant feeling of not being safe. Now looking back it even makes more sense.
There is much talk about a high sensitivity to stimuli as a cause, but a possible connection to trauma is...
This is a strange one but I'd like to get some reponses.
Earlier today I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia. During the assessment I spoke to the Occupational therapist about the ill treatment I received at school from both teachers and pupils about my schoolwork and my attempts to stop some of the abuse eg Cheating. I'm writing this because after the assessment I was overcome by flashbacks of cheating and felt so ashamed.
Has anyone got any thoughts?
Just that question really. How do I ease my anxiety enough to stop trying to control the future and situations?
Yesterday my mother scolded me for being rude to a guest when I ignored her, and she believes that my being rude is an ongoing problem. We both said some things, and then I realized:
I just realized that I don’t love my parents. They didn’t do anything major to make me dislike them, I just don’t feel any attachment towards them at all.
I have a twin sister and she’s probably the only person I actually like. I don’t care for friends, extended family, strangers, idols, paramours, or anyone...
I recently came out of the thick cloud of my C–PTSD. The worst lasted over 10 years with a delightful edition of opioid addiction. I have survived and I’m at currently at the point where fear is holding me back from getting a job/starting a new career. I love Photoshop so I recently purchased it with my Newly gotten laptop. I haven’t used a computer in over 10 years. But now I’m at a loss as to what to do next. I feel like my imagination needs a boost. There’s no spark there… I used to be...
Hi I have been struggling with CPTSD and I have been struggling with the core belief that my only real use is being a sexual object. I was assaulted in a nightclub when I was 22 (I'm 31 now) and I don't remember much except for freezing and the feeling of him grabbing my arm and throwing me against the wall. When I told my family they didn't take it well. My sister was assaulted and she was showered with sympathy and understanding. When I was attacked I was called a whore and my other sister...