A sense of shame

[Metropolitan Nomad]

This is a strange one but I'd like to get some reponses.

Earlier today I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia. During the assessment I spoke to the Occupational therapist about the ill treatment I received at school from both teachers and pupils about my schoolwork and my attempts to stop some of the abuse eg Cheating. I'm writing this because after the assessment I was overcome by flashbacks of cheating and felt so ashamed.

Has anyone got any thoughts?

 

[parrotthepolly]

It's not strange at all, I've heard a psychologist say shame is part of all CPTSD no matter the cause, I have some from childhood although refuse to talk about it, although definitely tried to push it down, like most other feelings.

With cheating, do you mean schoolwork or relationship wise?
I'm assuming it's you who cheated on schoolwork to avoid being bullied? Well it's a survival tactic to fit in, evolution points to people living in groups so it's no surprise most people don't want to draw negative attention to themselves and it's not your fault you were born with Dyspraxia which makes everyday tasks difficult and completely out of your control.

I don't relate to your situation but have experience with not wanting to seem weak or it'll lessen my chance of survival which is what I see your subconscious brain doing, considering bullying is a threat and has harmful consequences but it's all over now and you're allowed to let it go.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

It's not strange at all, I've heard a psychologist say shame is part of all CPTSD no matter the cause, I have some from childhood although refuse to talk about it, although definitely tried to push it down, like most other feelings.

With cheating, do you mean schoolwork or relationship wise?
I'm assuming it's you who cheated on schoolwork to avoid being bullied? Well it's a survival tactic to fit in, evolution points to people living in groups so it's no surprise most people don't want to draw negative attention to themselves and it's not your fault you were born with Dyspraxia which makes everyday tasks difficult and completely out of your control.

I don't relate to your situation but have experience with not wanting to seem weak or it'll lessen my chance of survival which is what I see your subconscious brain doing, considering bullying is a threat and has harmful consequences but it's all over now and you're allowed to let it go.

Thanks it was schoolwork.

 

[Friday]

During the assessment I spoke to the Occupational therapist about the ill treatment I received at school

+
Stress Cup
=

I'm writing this because after the assessment I was overcome by flashbacks of cheating and felt so ashamed.

It makes perfect sense that the increased symptoms fallout, from rising stress, dovetailed with one or more of the topics being discussed… as your mind was already on it. Of course, it would ALSO make sense if it were on a completely different topic; not just because avoidance is a helluva thing, but because increased symptoms in response to stress can be any symptom. >.<

 

[arfie]

i had to look up Dyspraxia, so color me clueless on that angle, but i am another who has dealt with tremendous amounts of guilt/shame connected to my cptsd. it is an extremely common ptsd symptom.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

It's not strange at all, I've heard a psychologist say shame is part of all CPTSD no matter the cause, I have some from childhood although refuse to talk about it, although definitely tried to push it down, like most other feelings.

With cheating, do you mean schoolwork or relationship wise?
I'm assuming it's you who cheated on schoolwork to avoid being bullied? Well it's a survival tactic to fit in, evolution points to people living in groups so it's no surprise most people don't want to draw negative attention to themselves and it's not your fault you were born with Dyspraxia which makes everyday tasks difficult and completely out of your control.

I don't relate to your situation but have experience with not wanting to seem weak or it'll lessen my chance of survival which is what I see your subconscious brain doing, considering bullying is a threat and has harmful consequences but it's all over now and you're allowed to let it go.

I wish I could but the flashbacks are awful. I've achieved a lot in life and I feel I don't deserve it.