Therapist attachment

[Rainsong328]

I feel really attached to my therapist. For the first time in my life I feel safe, validated, cared for… and because of that, I find myself thinking about her often when I’m not there. I also am terrified that I’m going to “ruin” it. Like, even though she’s assured me that she’s not going anywhere, I’m so afraid that she’ll realize that she doesn’t like me (as a person or a patient) or that something I say will freak her out or turn her away… I don’t know. I realize it sounds dumb when I write it, but the feeling is causing me to have panic attacks almost daily.

 

[Rose White]

Hey it’s super normal and a good sign that therapy is beginning to work for you. The key is to develop your coping skills for the panicky feelings and to begin thinking of how to tell her in one way or another (easier said than done!). Brave of you to allow yourself to feel those emotions of attachment!

 

[Movingforward10]

Totally been there! It's incredibly intense, overwhelming and challenging feeling like that. The constant fear that I would do something that would make her terminate me and I'll be all on my own to deal with everything.

Have you heard of object consistency? That might help to learn about that context, as what you and your T will do is build you up so you have it and this feeling you currently have reduces.

It's really great you are attached. Everything you are feeling is healthy therapeutic relationship. Even if it doesn't feel like it and it feels so precarious. It is showing that it is bringing out those deep primal wounds and you are able to work on it together with your T.


It does get better.
I did a lot of reading about it. My diary is littered with exploring this.
It takes time. Keep sharing it with your T.

 

[arfie]

hello rainsong. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

in my own recovery, this was called, "transference." i had it so bad that i was often handed off to other therapists in order to try to get a handle on it. in retrospect, i think i wanted to be adopted far more than i wanted to heal. the early hand-offs felt like rejection, but as i healed, i began to understand the logic and am grateful for the insights of the therapists who tag-teamed me to help me understand.

I’m so afraid that she’ll realize that she doesn’t like me (as a person or a patient) or that something I say will freak her out or turn her away…

empathy on this anxiety. in those early hand-offs i was utterly convinced this was precisely the case. it had happened so often in the mainstream that i could not conceive of an alternative. i'm glad i stuck it out to learn.

but that is me and every case is unique. steadying support while you sort your own case. welcome aboard.

 

[DSkyler]

I have had this experience for sure. I think what you are going through could be a normal attachment anxiety pattern. Having a stable attachment can be a foreign experience and old fears will creep in. I speak every session about this fear and it helps. And my therapist knows each session we will at one point be going over abandonment and rejection fears-and each time it does appear we can work through it with EMDR.

I find myself thinking about her often when I’m not there.

If you are having a positive experience, this feels normal and positive. You can work through attachment feelings and triggers. I'm no expert on all this. I've had some very positive experiences during EMDR of my therapist being there and feeling connected with her.

Despite the parameters of a professional relationship it is still a real human experience with someone who is genuinely there to help me and be on my side. When I think of those sessions they bring comfort and succor.

It's taken ages to not constantly fear the rejection, but I can now access these experiences/memories of therapy as I would when thinking about a friend or other positive experience. Those experiences in therapy are a big part of my life, not just a separate hour a week.