How to Heal without a Therapist?

[Paranoid-BedBug]

I've got CPTSD from CSA from parents and their 'friends' starting with my mother at infancy. Father was a doctor. Mother had a masters in child psychology. She worked as a psycho-social rehab specialist with sex offenders in prison. (The irony is not lost on me.)

My mother triangulated with the few therapists and counselors wherever we lived so they were spoonfed stories about my just being 'precocious.' Nobody helped me, or my sisters and female friends, because most of them were complicit.

I now have an intense distrust of therapists.

Almost invariably, they try to slap a diagnosison my beyond the CPTSD. I've been preemptively diagnosed as:
* Bipolar
* Schizo-affective PD
* Paranoid PD
* Borderline PD
* Suicidal
* Fictitious
* Codependent
Etc...

My parents loved giving me labels as being 'crazy' and justified dismissing anything I said as being 'symptoms.'

I now have an intense aversion to therapists and doctors that just fuels whatever label they want to slap on me. So I don't trust them, which just further makes me feel judged and pathologized.

I can't relax with people I don't trust not to use my memories as 'proof' for whatever pet theory they have.

I've been put on all kinds of medications that caused all kinds of life-destablizing side-effects. I'm off most, but the experience of trusting them, only to be tortured by medication has not helped my trust issues.

How do I find a somatic or EMDR/brain-spotting therapist who don't instantly try to give me a label?

I've done all kinds of research on the conditions they've thrown at me, and the only ones that fit are CPTSD, (which cause depression, general anxiety and dissociative episodes with me).

If I'm any one of those disorders or all of them, I can't tell because my trauma issues are screaming loudest. My symptoms didn't start until certain abusers started, and I can pinpoint when the symptoms started, which was young, but the memories are solid, if not fragmented.

How do I find help? Do I just not discuss my past? Do I not discuss my fears?

How can I get medical attention when I'm so terrified and understandably mistrusting of an institution that not only failed to help me now, but protected and promoted my abusive parents and literally punished me for trying to get out as a child?

Am I too resentful and distrusting to get help?

I've tried mimicking treatment videos online for EMDR and brain-spotting, but I can't figure out how to keep the memory train going. My mind goes blank when I intentionally try to connect the pain and memories backwards.

Is there a directory for therapists who just treat trauma and not try to label something else?

 

[HomelessJoe]

I've got CPTSD from CSA from parents and their 'friends' starting with my mother at infancy. Father was a doctor. Mother had a masters in child psychology. She worked as a psycho-social rehab specialist with sex offenders in prison. (The irony is not lost on me.)

My mother triangulated with the few therapists and counselors wherever we lived so they were spoonfed stories about my just being 'precocious.' Nobody helped me, or my sisters and female friends, because most of them were complicit.

I now have an intense distrust of therapists.

Almost invariably, they try to slap a diagnosison my beyond the CPTSD. I've been preemptively diagnosed as:
* Bipolar
* Schizo-affective PD
* Paranoid PD
* Borderline PD
* Suicidal
* Fictitious
* Codependent
Etc...

My parents loved giving me labels as being 'crazy' and justified dismissing anything I said as being 'symptoms.'

I now have an intense aversion to therapists and doctors that just fuels whatever label they want to slap on me. So I don't trust them, which just further makes me feel judged and pathologized.

I can't relax with people I don't trust not to use my memories as 'proof' for whatever pet theory they have.

I've been put on all kinds of medications that caused all kinds of life-destablizing side-effects. I'm off most, but the experience of trusting them, only to be tortured by medication has not helped my trust issues.

How do I find a somatic or EMDR/brain-spotting therapist who don't instantly try to give me a label?

I've done all kinds of research on the conditions they've thrown at me, and the only ones that fit are CPTSD, (which cause depression, general anxiety and dissociative episodes with me).

If I'm any one of those disorders or all of them, I can't tell because my trauma issues are screaming loudest. My symptoms didn't start until certain abusers started, and I can pinpoint when the symptoms started, which was young, but the memories are solid, if not fragmented.

How do I find help? Do I just not discuss my past? Do I not discuss my fears?

How can I get medical attention when I'm so terrified and understandably mistrusting of an institution that not only failed to help me now, but protected and promoted my abusive parents and literally punished me for trying to get out as a child?

Am I too resentful and distrusting to get help?

I've tried mimicking treatment videos online for EMDR and brain-spotting, but I can't figure out how to keep the memory train going. My mind goes blank when I intentionally try to connect the pain and memories backwards.

Is there a directory for therapists who just treat trauma and not try to label something else?

Psychology Today Australia: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist is a good place to look for a therapist. You can search with filters for specific types of trauma. Like EMDR. I don't want to over step but it sounds like you really need to get away from your parents. Don't let them make you feel weak. Stay strong and stay safe.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Trust in yourself, it's your mind and body, you know better than anyone else. It's your care and treatment, so your choice.

EMDR is hard, probably best to be away from parents before going into that fully.

Myself, every therapist I have had, I share my concerns and agree with them beforehand and deal with the topics and issues we agree upon.

I have severe distrust myself from family issues and misdiagnosed problems both mental and physical.

If there isn't a service you can use, look them up online, I find you can see attitudes and approaches from profiles and websites you find online.

My last two therapists have worked through video chat and were quite effective so you are not limited to your local area. Find one you like and make it work.

In the meantime, talk and share here. It will help even if you dont dicuss everything or yourself exclusively.

 

[Paranoid-BedBug]

Psychology Today Australia: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist is a good place to look for a therapist. You can search with filters for specific types of trauma. Like EMDR. I don't want to over step but it sounds like you really need to get away from your parents. Don't let them make you feel weak. Stay strong and stay safe.

I'm in my 40's. I've been no contact with both parents and all blood relatives, except for one sister, for about a decade.

It was a very good decision and I wish I'd done it sooner.