I really relate!! Here’s the thing, though:
I avoid as many physical sensations as possible.
Physical sensations are a really helpful source of information.
Do I need to eat more? Do I need to eat less?
Is this bed going to give me a sore back in the morning?
Have I jogged too far, or should I keep going?
And on, and on, and on…
Plus:
I've often wished that I didn't have a body.
One of my therapy tasks was to make a list of 20 great things that my body allows me to do. Things like:
Walk a bush track
Soak in a tub
Eat crumpets with jam
Stretch
Play with my dog
Wash my face
Know what good quality, freshly washed cotton bed sheets feel like
The list could easily expand to way more than 20 very quickly.
There were 3 other things that helped me a crapload in building a brand new relationship with my body (which is what I needed to do - build a new relationship with it, like it was a curious, intimidating but wildly misunderstood stranger). I needed to very deliberately do things, build things into my day, that my body liked doing - that my body was great at doing, or could learn to be great at doing.
The second thing was practice being mindful about my body and how it was feeling. This is still a work in progress. After decades of being completely switched off to my body and what it’s feeling, I need to do things like make a point of stopping throughout the day to check in with my body, how it’s feeling and if I need to do something differently (like take a 5 minute walk away from the desk, or have the lunch that I forgot to stop for yet again!).
The third thing that was helpful has been yoga. Trauma-informed yoga is amazing. van der Kolk has done a lot of work in this particular space - yoga can not just help reset your autonomic nervous system (think: empty out your stress cup, or get your brain out of fight/flight mode), but it can also help people relearn how to be in their body safely. Which can be a foreign concept for someone who has experienced a lot of physical or sexual excuse.
I’ll stop writing, but, TLDR: oh yeah! Relearning the body is totally my bag!!!