Yes... I remember so much financial secrecy in our household too. I could never work out whether we were as poor as my parents claimed or whether I was being lied to.
Can you describe more of what you mean?
I live rurally now, so I buy a lot of my purchases online. I used to buy stuff on line because I got panic attacks in shops, so that combined with living rurally means online purchases are super practical.
But it sounds like you're talking about something more emotionally negative?
I buy online only too.
Ok - my preference - and I am going to give a fake example for ease of my soul .
Say my favourite drink was Champagne- cannot afford to drink champagne all day every day ( for this example let’s pretend there is no other issue with drinking champagne exclusively ?).
Rather than drinking say - a moderate wine as a compromise every day - I Would choose to drink only water all day every day then champagne when I a- can afford it and b have earned it
Theoretically this sounds kinda cool right? Virtuous even?
But it’s got lots of problems. ( not helped by my impractical example of choosing an alcoholic beverage).
1. I give myself an implied monetary value. I am worth no expenditure unless I have fulfilled an arbitrary requirement I set myself - my worth is not implicit but performative. I actually struggle to see how worth is not related to performance/ value at some level which challenges the idea we have implicit worth.
2. This in it self creates a shame and self hate cycle- because if you have no implicit self worth..... you have some self contempt , which makes it more difficult to have faith in your self or take yourself seriously. If one believes worth is performance related at some level yet no longer is etff SF okay economically active / that is a constant negative . Chronic illness takes away non economic activity ability ? More attack on worth. Increasingly the champagne Entitlement days ( regardless of economic ability to afford) dwindle to water days. Because the gratification must be delayed until earned.
3 these messages are culturally enforced- ( as is the opposite ‘aquire to have worth’ )
think of advertising tag lines - a really obvious one is ‘because I’m worth it’ but there are lots.
I’m not sure the obscure example I Used to keep it not personal works to clarify :/. I might think about giving a more real example . Just feeling a bit vulnerable today ?