Emdr: Questions/comments From An Emdr Therapist Who Also Has Ptsd

[Powder]

NatBird, I'm not @orangeweezel nor can I speak with any kind of expertise on this subject for you. I'm sorry. I have also started to get to know a therapist who was about to begin training in the resources and then assess readiness for EMDR, at my request. Unfortunately, I ran aground of my financial security prior to commencing and decided to just stop therapy until I could afford it again.

And that has not happened yet.

From my standpoint, you seem to expect only one answer or maybe it seems to me that you answer your own question, that you really don't feel ready to embark into EMDR. And I don't doubt you're correct, since you are in crisis, I think, based on your current life situation and just need to return to Safety.

I have read in multiple sources on PTSD and even ones on "c-PTSD," that the essence of all therapy and social supports for the PTSD sufferer is fundamentally the establishment of a basic sense and means of achieving actual safety for oneself that is an island of security in the turbulent sea of trauma memories and just life.

You're barely treading water right now, is that right?

How are you doing today?

Have you seen this T since you last posted? What are your thoughts now? Does she have a good point to make, or are you still feeling some concern that she's not tuned into you and your needs?

I truly hope you have some peace about a plan moving forward. I know I need that as soon as possible when facing a decision.

 

[rosey]

@orangeweezel. Some advice if you can. I have done the groundwork for the emdr with a brilliant therapist and due to have first emdr session in a weeks time. However one of my major triggers is having things near my face. I know she will be at a distance but i am already in panic attack stage about her hand waving near me. I was pinning all hopes on emdr but if i cant resolve this i wont be able to do it. Any suggestions?

 

[Panda Bear]

@rosey

Do you have other options besides your Ts finger? I use music via my headphones. You can convert and download bilateral stimulation music off of YouTube. It gives me all the control of when to starts and stop when I've had enough. T keeps a timer on his end too, as we have general ideal of how many minutes I can't tolerate.

You can use the paddles that vibrate in your hands(I hate having my hands touched) You can pat your legs without hands or let your T. Neither an option I hate being touched and like you couldn't manage T that close to my face.

Music has been a serious win!!

 

[NatBird]

NatBird, I'm not @orangeweezel nor can I speak with any kind of expertise on this subje...

@Muse thanks for responding.

I'm not sure what you meant by expecting one answer. Can you say more?

I think with some decent preparation I could be ready but I don't think I'd ever be with this therapist, there's no trust.

Yes I get that relational healing is key. I try but am very stuck. I think the T is right in implying I may never make the relationships I would like if I don't expose myself to some memories. I just don't trust her to support me through this.

Maybe this is what you mean by answering my own question.

Today I feel I'm floating a few metres in the shallow end.
I've realised that I've been in an emotional flashback for nearly two weeks. It was activated when I went away. I'm slowly getting re connected with my tools. Thanks for asking:)

I haven't seen the EMDR person and won't until Friday. This is when I have to let her know if I want to do EMDR, NET, end now and go back later (not really an option on NHS) or end.
There isn't time to work through the trust issue as she's on a clock that reads twenty five to thirty sessions. It's a lot but put building trust, stabilisation etc into that it's not.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable.

Thanks for you message and support.

 

[Kolten]

That's awesome u came here to share and make available to ask questions. I think everyone has heard all kinds of different stories of experiences with EMDR. I have never personally had it But long ago when i was diagnosed it was recommended. I then saw a different therapist who did not do EMDR But does do "rewind technique". She explained it is the equivalent of EMDR therapy in a different fashion as far as processing the trauma. Is this true? I am apprehensive about the therapy Because I am worried it will enduce episodes. I know it'll get worse potentially before it gets better and I get That's part of the process. What are your opinions on the above of u dont mind me asking?

 

[Justmehere]

If you could anonymously tell or ask your EMDR therapist anything, what would be it?

I would have liked to asked my EMDR trained trauma therapist what other skills and techniques they were trained in, and what they would do if EMDR was not the right fit for me.

If a therapist only has a hammer, everything begins to look like a nail and sometimes they may push to use that hammer, even when a different tool is needed, because they don't have other well developed skills and are too afraid/insecure/unable to see blind spots and refer out when needed.

 

[rosey]

@rosey

Do you have other options besides your Ts finger? I use music via my hea...

Thank you. I will be talking to her about other options and am liking the sound of the music. On a quick look there is a light option too so seems that there are other ways that could work better for me.

 

[Sandstone]

@NatBird I only have very limited experience of EMDR, because my first therapist stopped it until I was more stable. The first session we did as working on a bad, but not traumatic memory. We considered two possible events: one an interview where I had said something really stupid, the sort of memory that makes you flinch and kick your self: the other a recollection of being told in counselling something I knew as wholly untrue about myself but being unable to communicate the truth. Perhaps working on something like that would be a way in for you and your therapist?

Doing that reassured me that the process was effective and allowed me to get comfortable with it. I would grab the chance to do EMDR now, if it was offered. I'd want to put very clear limits round the area of trauma I worked on, which would be hard when so much is intertwined, but I am confident it would be effective. Have you talked about the sequence you might approach traumas in?

I did have one more session of EMDR moe recently, and found it less destabilising than purely talking about traumas. I had a very strong physical response, returning to an old physical symptom I experienced in my teens, but my level of self destructiveness was no higher than with any other stressor.

 

[NatBird]

@Sandstone yes we were meant to do a trial on a non traumatic but distressing memory last week. We didn't because I was quite activated - now realise in flashback and felt unsure that I'd be able to cope with a trial if unable to healthily cope with a flashback.

I don't want to pass the opportunity up. I don't want this shit to eat up more of my life. I also don't want to get myself checked into a psychiatric unit. Yes, this is a real fear for me.

Sequence: we would work from beginning to end.

The most balanced way I can think to move forward is to do the trial and see.

Maybe this will help with the trust issue.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience.

 

[Sandstone]

I also don't want to get myself checked into a psychiatric unit. Yes, this is a real fear for me.

Oh yes, been there, likely to be there again when I have to start talking about the traumas again. That is why I've been working at self management skills. More of me wants to be alive and well than any of the other options.

I know I'm still bad at applying them when needed, so in your position I think I would have a specific list of grounding/distracting soothing activities that I was definitely going to do after EMDR, regardless of whether I felt the need.

Many people who have been through grim things have done this and come out the other side. No reason why we shouldn't too.

 

[joeylittle]

The most balanced way I can think to move forward is to do the trial and see.

I want to second @Sandstone in the recommendation that you use something for your first EMDR session that is not trauma-related, and also, not really within arm's reach of strongly held core beliefs. The sort of thing that one flinches at when remembering is a very good description of a useful first-time topic.

You'll be at very, very low risk (if any risk at all), and it will give you a chance to experience the process in a way that is hopefully confidence-building.

 

[heyheyhey]

My new therapist is amazing. Well, he's not new anymore. It's been several years. I do trust hi...

I love this @ShodokanJenn, best wishes to you :)!