What Bad Shit Have You Done - Daily, As it Comes To You, Your Past, Lets Be Honest

[midi]

we used to steal gas from a family pump late at night. my son's biopop was a thief and his mother a drug dealer, so it was the norm--and it was his family biz, after all. my parents were anti-establishment and didn't really care. my mother and grandmother used to steal from the kids. once i stopped seeing my mother this past year, she stopped stealing--no access! i stole a lot of drugs and booze too (by skimming), over the years.

 

[wattle]

When I was about 8 or 9 I stole some coloured pencils from the class I was in at school and I got caught. My family was poor, my older sister always got the new pencils I got the stubs, so those nice long school pencils looked enticing.
Later when I was in my thirties I had a real problem with shoplifting, stupid crap that I could of bought anytime, more often than not stuff I didn't need or really want, it was just the thrill of getting away with it. Eventually I came so close to getting caught, my hubby was with me, he had no idea what I'd been up to for so long, I felt so bad, I've never done it again, that was about 10 years ago.
One of my worst things was when I was a young Mum, my frist son was 18 months old, my daughter born prematurely was a crier, she screamed and screamed, I was at my wits end and very young, my son wanted attention, my daughter was crying again and I picked up my son and threw him onto my bed and yelled at him. I've never hit any of my kids, that day I came so close to loosing it with him, I made a decission then and there that I'd never be the kind of parent mine were.
My biggest fear is that my warped sense of life may have indirectly rubbed off onto my kids. It's only recently by going to see a psychologist that I've discovered not all parents worry obsessively about there kids like I do, I thought I was normal! I just hope I haven't damaged them.

 

[midi]

This particular thing, I didn't consciously know I was doing it. I worked in a place we nick-named "Lock Down," also known by some of the workers (social drinkers) as "Rehab." For the duration of the term, we had groups of four people and they were set up at the beginning, by me. Well, I thought, hey, I did a good job on this. Well, no. In one particular group, I placed a guilty as charged gang rapist with a rape victim. Now, I know, you're probably saying, didn't you check the files? Yes. The rapist did not commit his crime until several weeks into the program. Still. What are the odds of doing something so heinous to a victim?

 

[Mina]

I feel bad for starting a really wicked fight with DH the other night. He's applying for bomb squad, and although I voiced a lot of concerns, I texted him and told him he had my support. Then he went out of his way to tell me that if he gets it, he will try really hard to schedule "us" time. Then I went to therapy and got really upset about the possibility and brought that home with me and was really mean and started a massive, really ugly fight about that and whole bunch of unrelated stuff that I shouldn't have. AFTER I told him he had my support.

He said that for him, it was in our "top 5" of bad fights (and there have been a lot in the past year). For me, it barely registered :(

 

[Salu]

Broke a promise that resulted in me never ever promising anything ever. I haven´t used that word in years.

Put my brother in a bad situation that ended up looking like I wanted him and his girlfriend to break up. I didn´t. In reality it was a classical case of not thinking. At all.

Come to think of it everything has to do with me not being a reliable person.

So I don´t talk much, don´t do much because I´m scared of screwing things up. Nothing wild, just me.

 

[midi]

One of the things I used to do was show up whenever, instead of when I said I would. The first time the Ex invited me to his parents' house for dinner, I showed up an hour late. Never mind that they were all waiting. I didn't care. I feel bad now, though.

 

[Mina]

Oooooooooh, I am just kicking myself over a really, really stupid mistake I just made on another forum. I've been a member for 3 years, and am generally quiet but well-respected. I was intending to PM another member, and was discussing some personal info with her, but accidentally posted it publically. I pulled it down right away, as I noticed it immediately, but the original reply - my embarassing info post intended for just her - got emailed to everyone who subscribes to the thread. So now all those subscribers will know things about me and DH I don't want them to, because of my stupid mistake.

I was already planning to go on hiatus from that forum, but am considering disappearing altogether now. I feel SO, SO stupid, and I am SO angry with myself. If it were just me, I wouldn't care, but the fact that I mentioned DH in it is what really makes me mad at myself. :stupid:

 

[cragger65]

When I had broken up with my first long-time girlfriend, I was a raging drunk. Met a girl I had known 10 years earlier, the summer before starting highschool in a bar. We had liked each other then, but never hooked up and we were both drunk. Went back to her friends place where we got down to business eventually. She passed out in the middle of it (hey, 12 hours in a bar and a 26er of tequila for a night cap) and I couldn't stop, so I did her passed out. That makes me feel like a piece of shit. I feel like I should confess to her, but it seems selfish to clear my concience at a cost to her peace of feelings. Better she doesn't know, I tell myself.

 

[lost girl]

Oh Gosh

This is an ugly list. :( I've never listed these things before. It's not a list I like.

- slept with a married coworker (age 28)
- slept with a good friend's ex (age 19 and age 28)
- read my mom's diary (age 13 - 17)
- abandoned two cats :( (age 18 and 19)
- let my birds die for lack of feeding (age 8)
- ignored my animals (when I have animals, as much as I love them, I go through bouts with this. I do feed them but I tend to ignore them and have to force myself to pet them and talk to them at least minimally)
time-clock theft (a month ago was the last time - clocked in 30 minutes before I started working)
drunk driving (age 27 - 28)
lied for a bully (7th grade)
hit a car once and kept driving (fender-bender - age 19)
cut off friends and lovers for no reason (last time was this year but it wasn't the first time)
littered
been a discourteous housemate
been a distant big sister
lied to people I love

 

[cragger65]

Was always in shit growing up in Ontario Housing. Ran with kids that did the same - it broke my Mother's heart. She was always afraid for me, and I was too thick headed to see the road I was heading down.

Got bullied at school and became one myself. Figured it was better to be on top than on the recieving end. Got in a lot of fights, drugs, alcohol at an early age. Was extremely angry, especially with my Mother. I think when my Dad left, she got left holding the bag and I blamed everything on her after that. That was wrong.

Didn't try to get up as hard as I should have after the breakdown. It only did me harm. Got mad at my sister for not living up to my ideal of how she should help when I was broken. Wished her ill, and then her son was killed in a car accident. It feels like my fault, though I know this is a form of magical thinking, there is still guilt for having wished ill. That's all for now, give me a day and I'll be back with more.

 

[cragger65]

Oh, and slept with a married woman.

 

[nonabug5]

Many years ago, when I was an active street Paramedic, I responded to a really bad wreck in the middle of nowhere. On arrival, the one patient requiring immediate assistance was a 50 year old woman. Her chest was crushed, and her bronchus (windpipe) was laid open. Bystanders had started a messy version of CPR, so we were obligated to continue life support enroute to the hospital. We were 35 minutes out,- if traffic moved for us. My partner & I knew she was gone. Hell she was gone on impact. We ceased CPR enroute as we were just pushing on crushed bones & scattering blood anyway. We held her hand & spoke to her & asked God to touch her, but we did little more. It seemed so cruel to keep beating on her mangled body. No, I didn't kill her, but I did stop resuscitation enroute.
That's the biggest contradiction of my oath I ever made.

I also admit to using the largest needles, in the most painful manner I could, on the ambulance to start IVs on the extrememy nasty & abusive patients. I never withheld pain meds or proper care to anyone. I did make the EMS/ER experience miserable for a particular pediphile who was whining because his victims mom clobbered him with a bat & cracked some ribs & a broke a collarbone when she caught him raping her 10 year old daughter. I think the driver also hit as many potholes as he could find enroute, but I don't know if that was deliberate on his part or not. None the less, I was not empathetic to him in any manner. I remember looking out the rear window and seeing the back up ambulance behind us that was transporting that poor little girl because he ripped her from stem to stern. I was thinking the mom should have aimed that bat for his head as well. That's pretty cold, I know.

I have never told anyone these things.