scaridycat
New Here
This is the thread for me. It will be hard, but these are the things that are eating me alive.
The girl that lived next door to me was my best friend until my brother started liking her because she had breasts. Meanwhile, my dad spied on me in the shower and teased me for having a flat chest. So I took this girl's Lasa Apso dog and threw it off a bridge and it landed in the river 20 feet below. It was ok, swam to the shore and got out. I have no idea how to forgive myself for this. I am such an animal lover.
My boyfriend and I moved across the country with our 5 cats. along the way, we let them out for fresh air. when they did not return and we got tired of waiting for them, we just took off. We lost all five over the journey. This one is even worse. I still, after 21 years, want to trade places with them. I feel I would do ANYTHING.
I abandoned 2 friendships in high school and college which I am sure hurt and confused my friends. Instead of learning how to talk to people, I just ran.
I was a total clepto in high school. Turn your back, and it was gone. Everywhere I went, if it took my fancy, or sometimes even not, I pocketed the thing. And not just from people's personal stash. I had hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise in my room at home. Mom caught me once, but I lied thru it and she was too scared and weak to press the issue.
I whacked my brother over the head with a baseball bat after he teased me too much. I still remember it as the plastic bat, but the way he took off running, it must have been the wooden bat, like he says. age 9.
I watched dad strike my brother and did nothing about it, even tho it was uncalled for. I think he was teasing me too much or it somehow was caused by me. I wanted to step forward and stop it but did not. No one stopped dad. He was too scary.
As an adult (!!) I wrote childish things on the school bathroom wall about a girl my daughter hung out with who was cruel and nasty towards other people. So I wrote "Sally fu**s her dog". How sick is that. I can only hope she never saw it. She was probably as lost and alone as I was when I was that age.
I put hickies on my drunk passed-out boyfriend's neck and blamed him for cheating on me when he woke up the next morning. He was mad and I just pretended to be even more mad.
I tried to poison my current boyfriend's teenage son. We were all living together at the time and he was driving me crazy. I could not live with him. I wanted him out of the picture. I put poison berries in his supper. He did not even get sick. I can't believe I am writing this. I can't believe I am capable of such things. I also put fleas in his hair because I was angry that he was not taking care of his cat.
I am so tempted to erase that last paragraph. I don't want anyone to know that. But if I put it out there, maybe I wont hold it in my rotten heart so much anymore. This week I am having hallucinations for the first time in my life. My t says I may just be very very deep in depression. I hope that's "all it is"
The girl that lived next door to me was my best friend until my brother started liking her because she had breasts. Meanwhile, my dad spied on me in the shower and teased me for having a flat chest. So I took this girl's Lasa Apso dog and threw it off a bridge and it landed in the river 20 feet below. It was ok, swam to the shore and got out. I have no idea how to forgive myself for this. I am such an animal lover.
My boyfriend and I moved across the country with our 5 cats. along the way, we let them out for fresh air. when they did not return and we got tired of waiting for them, we just took off. We lost all five over the journey. This one is even worse. I still, after 21 years, want to trade places with them. I feel I would do ANYTHING.
I abandoned 2 friendships in high school and college which I am sure hurt and confused my friends. Instead of learning how to talk to people, I just ran.
I was a total clepto in high school. Turn your back, and it was gone. Everywhere I went, if it took my fancy, or sometimes even not, I pocketed the thing. And not just from people's personal stash. I had hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise in my room at home. Mom caught me once, but I lied thru it and she was too scared and weak to press the issue.
I whacked my brother over the head with a baseball bat after he teased me too much. I still remember it as the plastic bat, but the way he took off running, it must have been the wooden bat, like he says. age 9.
I watched dad strike my brother and did nothing about it, even tho it was uncalled for. I think he was teasing me too much or it somehow was caused by me. I wanted to step forward and stop it but did not. No one stopped dad. He was too scary.
As an adult (!!) I wrote childish things on the school bathroom wall about a girl my daughter hung out with who was cruel and nasty towards other people. So I wrote "Sally fu**s her dog". How sick is that. I can only hope she never saw it. She was probably as lost and alone as I was when I was that age.
I put hickies on my drunk passed-out boyfriend's neck and blamed him for cheating on me when he woke up the next morning. He was mad and I just pretended to be even more mad.
I tried to poison my current boyfriend's teenage son. We were all living together at the time and he was driving me crazy. I could not live with him. I wanted him out of the picture. I put poison berries in his supper. He did not even get sick. I can't believe I am writing this. I can't believe I am capable of such things. I also put fleas in his hair because I was angry that he was not taking care of his cat.
I am so tempted to erase that last paragraph. I don't want anyone to know that. But if I put it out there, maybe I wont hold it in my rotten heart so much anymore. This week I am having hallucinations for the first time in my life. My t says I may just be very very deep in depression. I hope that's "all it is"
